Secrets of the Universe

2012-01-17T14:03:00.003+08:00

Reaching for stars

I laid on the ground and saw a star
I wanted it so I reached out and clasped it
I thought I had it
But when I removed my hand
the star was still in the sky
I was only dreaming
It was way too far

2011-11-24T20:20:00.001+08:00

As I turn my mind towards the meaning of life, I cannot help being filled with a sense of great disappointment. Not because there are no tasks in life worthy of my service but because my service is not worthy for any of His tasks to be accomplished.

2011-04-27T00:07:00.002+08:00

One thing rockstars did get was the brevity of life.

The downfall of democracy is that the quality of leaders is dependent on the maturity of the population when immature communities require capable leaders the most.

I finally understood why Jesus only bothered Himself with the poor, destitute and defiled. You cannot fill a glass that is already full. For people who have found or are still trying adamantly to fulfill themselves with what the world has to offer, the peace and love that Jesus offers (the living water, so to speak) cannot get through. Yet we persist talking to deaf ears, if only when they awake, they know where to return.

2011-03-18T23:24:00.002+08:00

On the issues of "If God is in control, then why is there suffering?" and "Why is God so strict?"

These questions used to be so tough for me to answer. After the way God explained it, I kinda felt dumb asking them in the first place.

WHY IS GOD SO STRICT?

Well, what is the criteria of entering Heaven? To follow in all of the ways of God, of course. In short, to be perfect. Like Jesus. But that's crazy, I said. How do you expect mere mortals like us to be perfect like Jesus? I mean, sure, Jesus lived as a mortal man but...you know...He was different. He's Jesus...and I'm just me. Well, I'm not perfect but you know, I'm a pretty good guy. I'm nice to everyone. Even when I get angry or do something bad to someone, I say sorry, you know. I try to be as generous as I can be with my time and energy and money and yeah, although I occasionally lose myself and cheat a little in terms of working hours or scold some M1 staff just to get them to discount my new phone or lie a little just to save everyone loads of trouble, I have a pretty good heart, you know. So why can't I enter heaven as I am? I mean, everyone around me likes me. I'm sure they'll like me in Heaven too, right? I mean, it's Heaven! Everyone's there is nice right?

And that is why Heaven cannot accept us as we are. Now, let us first assume that you believe in Heaven and God. Now, we know that God is perfectly good, loving towards us and will never harm us, right? Ok, now, if that is true and you have felt hurt before in this life, where then does the hurt come from? From people, of course! Just some small thoughtless words, careless actions, little lies and lack of control and that's all it takes to hurt somebody. Long term or short term, it doesn't matter. Truth is we suffer, because someone out there, wasn't perfect like Jesus. Now imagine that someone out there is allowed to enter Heaven. Now imagine a bunch of that someone out there entering Heaven based on the argument of the previous paragraph. How would Heaven be like? Yep, you got it. Heaven would be exactly the same as it is on Earth right now. And if Earth is so desirable, you wouldn't bother trying to enter Heaven.

The point is precisely that Heaven is perfect. A place without tears or pain or hurt or sadness or death . No babies would be born with deformities and no one would be born to die. A perfect place cannot tolerate any flaws for otherwise it cannot provide perfection in comfort to its tenants. For Heaven to be perfect, in complete opposite to Earth, the tenants that it must reject are precisely people like you and me--Good people but not good enough. How would Heaven be like? I've heard many versions of imaginations and I'm sure no one can ever dream of it in its full entirety but I shall, like many others, attempt to at least present a possible facade of it. Well, if Heaven is perfect, it cannot be made up of flawed people like you and me. What would it be made of? Of course, it would be made of perfect people like Jesus. A bunch of Jesus-es living together. Now, that would be Heaven isn't it? Everyone is perfect and all the promises of Heaven can be fulfilled --No pain, no tears, no sadness, eternal life etc. etc. Isn't that why all Christians, or rather, disciples of Christ, are called to? To attain Christ-likeness as the ultimate goal. To love God and people as Christ did, to forgive as Christ did, to sacrifice as Christ did.

But we are not Jesus. We are flawed creatures. Since the time of Adam and Eve, no one other than Jesus had ever been perfect (except perhaps for Enoch?). Does that mean that we are barred from Heaven? Now, obviously the answer is no. What then, does God seek? We can't enter Heaven by being perfect, so how? By God's merciful grace, since Jesus came, we don't have to be perfect. God isn't looking for 100 marks in our conduct. What He is looking for, is how much we love Him and the indicator for that is how much we try to be like Christ, both in our inner and outer lives (so not speaking about hypocrites). The more you love Him, the more effort you would naturally put in (the strength to put in this effort comes from God Himself and the love you have for Him) and the more Christ-like you become. Because you have so loved Jesus, He will repay your love (manifold) and let you, an imperfect being, enter Heaven. Now, I'm not sure how the math goes from there but I do know one thing--The love of Christ can change and conquer anything so it's possible that a flawed thing like us can enter Heaven with His love. It had actually been promised. With Christ, God can rest from looking for perfection from us and focus on looking for the best of us. We don't have to be perfect. We just have to try our best by holding on to the love of Christ and our love for Christ.

IF GOD IS IN CONTROL, WHY IS THERE SUFFERING?

There are actually several ways of satisfactorily answering this question. For me, it is the following.

In retrospect, I realise now that God is in control and that is exactly why there is suffering. Now this statement appears to suggest that God is our tormentor which I assure you is not what I am trying to say.

Let us first return to something that was mentioned in the previous discussion above. If God is good, does suffering come directly from God? No. He doesn't awake from the wrong side of His bed one day and decide to cause sadness and suffering by placing tumors in people's bodies and making a customer rant at a cashier for being too slow or cause an accident by implanting road rage in drivers. Who did it? We did. People. We sin, or rather, we give in to sin. Sin, which is wrongdoing, causes suffering. We give in to our tempers, we give in to our pride, to our gluttony, to our lust, to our avarice, to our sloth, to our greed. We want the wrong things and we do the wrong things. And wrong actions arising from sin causes suffering.

Ok, fine. So our mistakes causes others to hurt. Now, if God loves us so much, why doesn't He just cushion the consequences of sin? Yeah, so we made mistakes, but why can't He just be nice and you know, not let us feel hurt or sad or angry or disappointed? This is exactly where His grace and love lies. Despite us wanting the wrong things and doing the wrong things, He allows us to feel the right emotions. He allows us to feel the pain and hurt so that we realise that we are doing something wrong. By realising that we are doing something wrong, that is how we can come to know what is right again. For instance, the worst fear of a researcher is not getting the wrong fabrication process but getting microscopy pictures that he cannot trust. The worse thing that a parent can do to a child when he did something wrong is to hide the ugly consequences of his actions. When the feedback on your actions is untrustworthy, how can one expect to be able to right his wrongdoings, or stay on the right path if he was doing right? The preservation of the right feelings is God's kind gesture to us.

Even though we make mistakes and sin, God actually has enough grace to help us turn the consequences of our actions around, provided that we have been made aware of the consequences of our sins. There have been so many stories of good fortunes arising out of seemingly misfortunes both in the Bible and from people's personal anecdotes. The reason God does this is because He is gracious and it is the inner life of a person He is concerned about. The reason He does not alleviate your suffering is to make you understand that you did something wrong. When you realise that and seek forgiveness and set your heart right again, God does not prolong the suffering for another single minute though He can certainly allow that to haunt us. Because that suffering is meant to polish and refine your character turn your heart back to God. The right feedback to the wrong action gives us the opportunity to seek the right path. Once that happens, God stops the consequences of the past wrongdoings from chasing after us and hampering our journey on the right roads.

For these reasons, I say therefore, that precisely because God is in control, that is why there is suffering.

2011-02-10T10:06:00.001+08:00

There cannot be order without constraints.

2010-07-28T16:48:00.002+08:00

On this arrow,
I put my heart and soul.
I'm aiming for you, my King,
Please don't let me miss.

God, you are a big target,
But I have to shoot blind.
Let faith carry my arrow through;
With swift wings,
Please let it reach you.

Keep my heart, Lord, Keep my soul
Let love and grace take control.
May my life ever be like an arrow,
Heading nowhere else,
but straight to you.

2010-07-20T15:52:00.003+08:00

On the train today.

I closed my eyes, for I was tired. I leaned against the plastic flaps conjoining two adjacent carriages. My earphones were in my ears and the music was at the right volume, conducive for a nap.

"And love is gonna save you when I'm gone,"

I thought about Jesus, out of nowhere, for some reason.

"And love will watch over you,"

Then Myles raised his dense, beautiful vocals to a whole new note and began,

"And I, will give you strength when you're not strong!"

At that moment I opened my eyes and I saw three people opposite me, leaning against the plastic flaps like me. Their heads were down and all of them looked terribly dejected. Or tired. Probably both.

Myles ends, gently,

"And who'll watch over you when I'm gone away?"

And my heart shifted its position within me, and something overcame me. I wanted to cry. Who can watch over the three tired, jaded souls in front of me, if they don't have Jesus? If they don't have Jesus, they don't have anybody to watch over them. They have nobody to give them strength. And I wanted to cry, because I felt so sorry for them.

And then I wanted to cry out of desperation and sheer helplessness. How, how can I make you believe that the Christ is real? Must I play your monkey games and climb to the top of your social ladder before my words can be taken with consideration? But will you not then say, "You, being merely well-versed in all things scientific art but ill-equipped to talk of spiritual matters." And then what of religious experts? have you listened to a Pastor, bishop or Christian?

And my heart shifted again, knowing that not all will be with my Father come their time. This could be a fraction of how Jesus feels.

I might have moved a step closer to knowing Jesus. But the heartache is another step closer too.

"Who'll watch over you, when I'm gone away?" He asks.

My heart moves again, knowing full well that the answer is nobody.

2010-07-05T12:42:00.003+08:00

On the finer points of Genesis.

Question: Who committed the first sin in Eden?

I guess it could be said that Adam first committed a sin by leaving Eve alone. If we were to take the words "and they will become one flesh" (Gen 2:24) literally, then Adam and Eve should never be separate physically. Perhaps, if Adam was there when the serpent tempted Eve, they might have withstood the temptation together. For surely there was a reason the serpent chose to tempt only Eve when she is alone. Cos there's strength in number. However, blaming Adam and saying that He sinned is quite debatable too, since couples, if they were to be one flesh physically after marriage, should have become conjoined twins after their union. Moreover, there was no direct command from God that they cannot be in 2 separate locations at once and Garden of Eden was, up to that point in time, without evil, so it is reasonable that Adam sensed no danger in leaving Eve alone.

But one thing's for sure. Whoever committed the first sin, it was probably not Eve. Even though she did quote God wrongly, saying "'and you must not touch it, or you will die.'", there are too many uncertainties to work out before we can be sure it was a sin of Eve. For one, she was not around yet when God gave the command to forbid Adam from eating from the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (Gen 2:17). So, it could be that Adam was the one who informed her wrongly. Of course, it could also be that she knew everything that Adam knew when she was made, being a rib of his. This would make the responsibility hers to bear, but like I said, we can't be sure. Also, who is to say that God, during His other visitations to Adam and Eve did not refine His command to include "you must not touch it"? Certainly far-fetched and I would think the Bible would have recorded it if He did say that, but once again, we can't be sure. Lastly, what about misunderstanding? If Eve honestly misunderstood God's words (and there was no Bible back then for her to revise her understanding, I suppose) as in "you must not touch it or eat it or come anywhere near it" etc., then I don't suppose it is a sin to misunderstand right? Unless God had expounded to her time and time again. But generally, when your mum says, 'Don't touch the kettle or you will be scalded,' you'd get the idea that a boiling kettle is a dangerous thing and you should not touch it or even come near it right? (With the exception of only 1 person I know, most of us would probably react this way). And thus, with these arguments, I suggest that Eve was not the first to commit a sin in Eden. Like a bottle of deionised water, they were made pure by God. It is not natural that deionised water would colour itself without any external influence. As such, it would be unnatural itself for Eve to sin without any explicit external influence. Note also, that the fall of Man was not due to Eve mis-quoting God. I say all these because I've read in "Road to Emmaus" that the misquote of Eve was the start of destruction and I'm not entirely comfortable with that. The author was trying to expound the fact that God's words must be quoted accurately (follow the Bible words to a dot) or else it could lead to something else entirely. This I agree with, but it seems a little out of context to use Eve's example. But I leave it up to you.

Now, if not Eve, then who? Well, it was the serpent, with its outright lie of "You will not surely die," . One lie to unravel Mankind. Of course, the lie could have been rebuked, like Jesus did multiple times in the New Testament but it wasn't. Now the lie of the serpent is like a drop of ink in deionised water. It started to taint Mankind. We all know that Man fell after that, but for some of us, it might not be so obvious why.

Many would claim that Man fell because Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and disobeyed God leading to sin that causes death. For some of us, this explanation is sufficient. For me though, there is still a huge gap to be figured out before I feel like I understand anything at all. Let's take it step by step.

First, we start with Gen 3:6, after the serpent told Eve that she will not die from eating the fruit. Now Eve is being confronted by 2 opposing statements. This is probably the first time God's words had been challenged in front of her. At one point, she had to weigh between God's words, "you will surely die" and the serpent's "you will not surely die". This is a direct challenge. Black and white, day and night. There are no gray areas to be compromised, no way to reconcile both statements at once. It's either she believes God that eating the fruit will lead to death, or the serpent, that eating the fruit will NOT lead to death.

We know that eventually she chose to receive the serpent's words instead of God's. That was probably the first rift in Man's relationship with God. In a short and unassuming statement in Gen 3:6 "and he ate it.", Mankind's fate was sealed when Adam, too, chose to trust in the serpent and/or his wife instead of God. Adam had faced the same choice and did the same weighing of options. And they chose against God.

Now, that was sin. Sin is disobedience to God. Because we disobeyed God, we started decaying and dying because God's presence is not with us anymore. That is the conventional way to talk about the fall of Man and introduction of death. But it makes a part of me extremely uncomfortable. Don't you ever think to yourself, "Sure, God made the universe and us, but just because of that we have to conform to every one of His ways and whims?" But as Christians, we recognise the sovereignty of God and we submit ourselves to Him by suppressing these thoughts and try to humble ourselves. But suppression is not true humility nor true submission to God. For many of us, our other experiences with God and knowledge in other parts of the scripture lets us know the nature of God -- that He loves us and all His commands are only for our own good. And therefore, we can trust and submit even though we might not know all His reasons and intentions and ways. But for someone who doesn't know God, he/she will not be able to accept the statement that Sin is disobedience to God and we must die if we don't obey Him. For me, this is a fundamental barrier we must resolve. People need to know God's character and why disobedience to Him will lead to death.

It's all very simple really. "God is love," (1 John 4:8). The greatest commandment in the Bible is to love God and love your neighbour (including your enemies) as yourself. It's all about love. Real love, more than any that anyone can experience in any human relationship. This is what it's all about. Love. If you do not love God and your fellow Man with all your heart, you will die. If God is love, then disobeying Love is sin. Disobeying love means you do not love. And not loving, brings death. Look around the world today. How many heinous crimes of murder and death are we committing because we did not commit fully to love? Take away the more obvious examples of wars. Put in the starving HIV-infected African children. They're still starving and HIV-infected because we just don't care that much about them. We still want our cars and houses and iPods and iPhones more than their lives. Look at our relationships. How many cracks and fractures are there because we did not love each other with our whole heart? We say, "Yes, I'll be nice to him/her, but he/she has to satisfy some of my needs right?" or "I can only love him that much if he doesn't change" or "I'm not going to waste my entire life on her". we're selfish, even with the ones we love the most...how can we talk about loving anyone else whole-heartedly? Look at the factories spewing out poisonous chemicals to the environment and potentially setting a global deathtrap for our children. We're so selfish not just with each other...we're so selfish that we're taking from future generations, robbing our very own sons and daughters. Truly, the lack of love from everyone of us is appalling, to say the least.

This is how I would put it. Death came because of a lack of love. This lack of love is equivalent to Sin which is disobedience to God, because we have rejected God who is love. We have rejected Love. We started dying from the moment Eve and Adam decided not to love God with all their hearts. They became selfish and thought only for themselves. They pursued selfish ambitions of wisdom and lies that tell them they will not die when they reject the words of Love/ God. And the Adam and Eve today, are you and me.

No doubt, I agree with you when you protest," But the world is like that. I can't change it. I can't stop polluting the Earth with CO2 even if I stop using any plastics and electricity. My effort is too small. And you can tell from all the campaigns where people try to get the world world to come together to save electricity etc that it doesn't work." Maybe it's true. It's true that we can't love everyone with all our hearts. We're trapped in a system that would take our lives if we choose to do so. Unless we give up our lives, we can't love wholeheartedly. So what are we to do?

That's why we need grace. Grace from God to forgive what we cannot change. Grace from God to forgive our lack of love. Grace from each other also, for our lack of love. Truly, now I understand the words,"We confess that we have not loved with our whole hearts", a line from the prelude to the Lord's prayer every communion in a Methodist church. We do what we can, but for what we cannot, which vastly outweighs what we are able to do, we let Jesus take over.

God did not create us so we can sin against Him and die. Unlike His son, He did not create us for death. We chose to die the moment Adam and Eve chose to believe the serpent. If God had been angry at us, or worse, just meticulously calculative, and that was what drove Him to cast us out of Eden, then there would never have been a need for Jesus. We would not have known the name and the path back to God. God is love, and it was love that was in Him that cast us out, and the same unchanging love that brought us back the hard way through Jesus.

In all things, He did out of love for us and in everything, He gave as much as He could for us. Considering also that He is in charge of everything (Not a single hair can fall from our heads if He does not so allow), that means also that any situation we're in, is the best that we could be in, because it was with Love that He placed us in there.

In the world today, it's easy to find a lack of love around us. Even love doled out today is pitifully imperfect. But can we try? There are so many people imperfectly loved and there are so few hearts to truly love them. Indeed, the harvest is plentiful but the workers few. Followers of Christ, my friends, let us try to widen our channels for love to come through. It's the only thing that will save anybody.

2010-07-05T12:41:00.001+08:00

A sharp mind without a soft heart is the most lethal weapon on Earth.

2010-06-27T16:38:00.002+08:00

"So, let's first assume that Good and Evil can be quantified, just for argument's sake. And let us assume also that you're about 80% Good, taking into account all of your life's deeds and intents, 100% Good being God, of course. Now I have no doubt that someone's going to come up to me and say, 'Hey, that's not too bad. After all, God is only 1.25x better than me, or put another way, I'm 4/5 as good as the Almighty God. That's not too shabby.' But that's not the way this thing is. The real math in this problem is that you, having 20% evil, is 20/0 = infinite times more evil than God. As you probably already notice, so is someone who is only 50% Good, 20% Good or 0% Good. And that's why Paul wrote in Romans 3:23 that all have fallen short of the Glory of God. And if I may, "all have fallen (equally) short of the God's Glory." And that's why we judge not anyone else, for all are infinitely more evil than God.

So the next question is, 'Are we able to be perfect like God then?' i.e. Can we reach 100% Goodness in our lives? Now, the answer, is against all scientific instinct, because theoretically, NO, humans cannot be perfect, but practically, YES, it has been demonstrated before. NO, because by birth we are already sinners, the SIN, like mitochondrian DNA, is passed down to all by Adam and Eve. Even without this genetic-like heritage of SIN, I'm sure all would agree that trying to be perfect in this entire life is like trying to obtain a pure substance, which according to Gibbs free energy curve (vs composition), would require an infinite amount of energy.

YES, because by a miracle of God, a Man was born detached from Adam and Eve's family tree and He was able to lead a perfect life. It is not known if He expended infinite amount of energy to remain pure, but given that He did not use His divinity, I would assume that either God created humans to have the innate potential to be unlimited or no, unlike Gibbs energy curve, you do not need to expend infinite energy to remain pure. Whatever the case is, the only perfect Man to walk this Earth against all possible theoretical stipulations died as a Man too, also against all theoretical expectations, for those without SIN have no death debts and are allowed to live forever. Now, the equation seems unbalanced. But that is only if we do not look at the bigger picture.

Man who did not need to die (for He is without SIN), died. The debt must be balanced.
Therefore, it is that all others who need to die (due to SIN), need not.

Now the math again, is problematic. One perfect Man died, how can all the rest that come after be saved? Well, let's look again.

SIN's debt of death came to all men through Adam. SIN's debt of death is taken away from all men by the perfect Man. Now, it's balanced.

Now once again, there is a gap between theoretical and practical application. Theoretically, no man ever needs to die again. Physical death of Christians is merely a sleep of the body until the last day of the Earth whereupon the bodies will be woken up again. Practically, however, no all choose to receive the grace. There are many who live like they have forgotten that they will die one day. Gibbs understood and accepted entropy in all energies in this universe, but I doubt that he expected entropy to permeate as deeply as human decisions. But such is the world we live in, and a unanimous action or decision by all the humans in this world is as unlikely as all the atoms in 1 mole of substance vibrating in unison.

Oh, did I forget to mention the perfect Man's name? Well, you must have heard of Him. After all, His name has transcended history texts for millenia, becoming the most famous Man of all time - Jesus the Christ, from Nazareth/ Bethlehem."

Excerpt from "The Math and Science of God", the New York Times Best-Selling unpublished imaginary book by Reve. This section of the book first appeared as an excerpt in the blog "Secrets of the Universe" in 2010.

2010-03-23T01:18:00.002+08:00

When it comes down to the core of all things in this world, we would realise that only God and human souls will be eternal. Everything else done, made or achieved without these 2 purposes in mind is merely an empty lie or promise that fades as fast as the morning mist. And yet we cannot help but wrap ourselves in lie and build our brief lives up on this emptiness. Why do we pursue copper jewels when gold gems will be ours?

Why?

When it comes down to the core of all things in us, we would realise that we choose to live in a lie because we think the truth is too hard to bear.

We don't have enough faith to believe in God. That's why we doubt. That's why we make an effort to undermine the all the evidence that points to God's existence.

That's why it's so hard to believe.

That's why I can't bring joy to everyone.

That's why I'm sad.

2010-02-12T03:45:00.002+08:00

The fundamental difference between an author and a scientist is that an author's job is to take WHAT IS and figure out WHAT IF, whereas a scientist's job is to take WHAT IF and figure out WHAT IS.

The fundamental similarity is that both have to do each other's job before they can perform theirs.

Reality and Imagination are only that far apart.

2009-12-28T12:53:00.004+08:00

You know, it doesn't matter if if you have 700 pages to read in 4 days to prepare for your exams. It doesn't matter that you have 2 3-hour papers on the same day and it doesn't matter that you're sick and tired of studying so much.

Because what everyone else will say is simply, "Well, you're still going to get your As anyway. I'm sure you can do it. Gold medallist ley."

And it doesn't occur to anyone that assuming even if the A was guaranteed, I still have to go through a hellish 4 days to read 700 pages of textbook, not including side notes and worksheets and homework solutions, working 15-18 hours a day and feeling like you're on the edge of a fever for that 4 days. And that A is not guaranteed, because God has made it abundantly clear to me on several occasions throughout my years of studies that I'm not a talented genius and while my hard work will not necessarily earn His blessings of a good grade, if i choose not to work hard at all, I will definitely not get a good grade.

So why do I want a good grade again? No, I'm not interested in a good grade. I just want to do my best. It's a responsibility. And doing my best means a hellish week of reading a ton of lecture notes while on the brink of a fever. Whether you get A or not. And I know people who do less for an A. But still i do what I do cos it's a responsibility.

So while i had to work the skin of my teeth off in that week, all anyone else have to do in that same week is to lay back, watch TV and chill out until the week is passed. Not that I blame them cos there's really nothing much they can do for me anyway.

But my point being, no one really understands. In that week or that 4 days, I'm tired, stressed out and alone.(Well, somehow I always survive, so maybe God did something to me during that week, so maybe I'm not really alone).

And then when the results are released...

"See, I was right wasn't I? You got your A. So stressed out for what, right?"

or

"Oh man, what happened? Well, better luck next time."

2009-12-19T12:01:00.002+08:00

Overheard at a guitar store.

(Boss announcing to employees)

"Ok, so we'll be having a weekend competition. The winner gets a voucher, the runner-up a lunch treat. From Dunkin Donut. And the one with the least sales by the end of this week will have to clean the bathroom for the next 2 weeks."

You really should start appreciating your boss. Well, unless you ARE employed to do restroom hygiene in the first place.

2009-12-19T11:56:00.002+08:00

"Oh, so you're from Singapore?"

"Yeah! You know the place?"

"Isn't it where they cane you for doing something wrong?"

T.T|||

So THAT's what we're known for.

Note: Perhaps we can get even more tourism in Singapore if we market ourselves the big, scary nation with a huge cane. People will flock to Singapore just like they flock to Salem during Halloween.

2009-12-04T15:51:00.002+08:00

Just Because

Just because you learned to walk before everyone else
doesn't mean you'll do well in primary school.
Just because you did well in primary school
doesn't mean you'll do well in secondary school.
Just because you did well in secondary school
doesn't mean you'll do well in pre-U.
Just because you did well in pre-U
doesn't mean you'll do well in college.
Just because you did well in college
doesn't mean you'll end up with a good career.
Just because you got a good career
doesn't mean you'll do something worthwhile.
Just because you did something worthwhile
doesn't mean you'll be wealthy.
Just because you became wealthy
doesn't mean you'll live to a ripe old age.
Just because you lived to a ripe old age
doesn't mean you'll die.
Ok, fine, so you will die.
But just because you died
doesn't mean you'll leave life satisfied.

There are many traps and false successes leading to an empty life. Failures help you figure out the things that truly matter.

2009-11-20T13:41:00.002+08:00

The only thing we really create in this life is memories.

Everything else is derived.

2009-11-16T04:44:00.002+08:00

Of all the wise things that the Pastor preached today, one thing on which the cornerstone of my faith is based on, moved me the most --

"I may be dumbfounded with the profound philosophical questions atheists raise, but I'll never forget my encounter with Christ."

Today i looked up at the sky and thanked God for letting me know Him. Because of Him, I have a purpose in life, and I realized that with a purpose in life, no one can have anything else more than me.

Life is beautiful.

2009-10-29T11:21:00.001+08:00

Walking around Salem in the rain today has taught me a great irony. Where once upon a time witchery was persecuted and hunted without regards to the truth and lies, it has now been tolerated, exploited and celebrated in Salem, still without regards to the truth and lies of witchcraft. History has made us none the wiser in this case except perhaps that a particular mechanical engineering principle can be aptly transposed into life – Push something too hard, and it’d break and become loose forever. Pressure is supposed to be applied to the right points at the right time, not everywhere all the time.

2009-09-28T04:24:00.001+08:00

At the ripe old age of 24, I realise that

Life is nothing more than a journey to know God better.

2009-09-28T02:54:00.003+08:00

I fell from my bed this morning.

My alarm clock rang, and in my half-dazed state, I rolled over and push myself up with my left hand, which, on normal days when that worked fine, would prop me upright from the sleeping position with my feet on the ground in one smooth action. But today, my left arm decided to forsake my instructions, because apparently sometime during my sleep, I had pressed on it and it had gone numb. And thus, I landed with a 'thud!' on my carpeted floor. Thankfully, I escaped with only a scraped knee and nasty awakening.

Then I went to church. And then I realised something. It's funny how all these realisations I get don't quite often correspond to what the pastor is speaking about. And this is what I realised --

When I landed on the floor of my room this morning, I felt like Jesus.

Or maybe, Jesus felt like me. See, according to the Bible, all Christians are a part of Christ's body. Each part of the body is supposed to be connected by nerves to Him, so that when He sends us a message, we will act accordingly so that His will can be done.

That's the ideal case. As most of us know, it doesn't happen very often.

We often question why He wants us to do certain things that appear to make no sense. Sometimes it may be because we may not be able to see what He wants to do in totality. But the truth is, we don't trust that He knows what He's asking for. There's a lack of faith.

Imagine He asks you to push the bed. Imagine He asks you to touch the floor. Imagine he asks you to contract. You wouldn't be able to tell that He's asking you to push the bed and contract yourself as a muscle so that Him and all other parts of the body can become upright, and you wouldn't know that He asked you to touch the floor as feet so that His entire body can rest on your solid foundations. Most times we just lament,"Why did you bring me so low? I'm groveling under everyone else! Did I not serve you with all my heart? Where's the glory in rubbing against the floor?" We wouldn't know that we're the most important part of the body on which all other parts and Jesus is relying so much on. We couldn't see just how glorious our tasks are.

And I wouldn't say that that's because Jesus deliberately chooses to keep silent about the big picture. After all, the Bible mentioned that God does not move ahead with any plan without first revealing to His servants, the prophets. Other times, maybe all He wanted was just a bit of faith from us. How tiresome it would be if everytime I moved my arm I had to explain to it what I was trying to make it do in the big picture. Nevertheless, I find myself unable to deny that Jesus just might do such a thing. Well, I have to admit, I'm way less patient with my body than Jesus is with His.

So you see, if you can take a look at Jesus' entire body, you might be shocked. His body is us, and we're really not doing so great sometimes. Therefore, I think Jesus is actually pretty paralysed. There are parts of His body that he just can't get His messages and therefore His will across. And then there are parts where He can get His will across, but those parts just refuse to move according to His will, but rather, they follow their own ideas of where to go. The nerves are alive in these regions. but they can't control the muscles.

Based on this, I therefore postulate that Jesus has epilepsy, or at least some form of muscular dysfunctional illness. His hands and fingers would be all twisted up and occasionally subjected to spasms, and His lips might be contorted such that drool continuously flows out by the edge of his mouth. He'd certainly be in a wheelchair, since his legs would be paralysed and subjected to severe osteoporosis. He can't eat, since his stomach refuses to take His daily bread and living water and He wheezes because His lungs had a falling out with one another over who's inflating and contracting the right way, and are not operating in tandem, as each has decided to fly solo. He can't see as a result of severe glaucoma, because those who are His eyes refused to take in the light of the world and choose to cloud the light and dwell in darkness instead.

What's more, there are parts of Him that is just rotting away; those infected, festering wounds that just would not close up. It starts with some cut into His body at some point, introducing a few cells (we call them terrorists) which start infecting the surrounding parts of the body. Those who are His immune system overreacts and sent soldiers there to bomb, shoot and completely annihilate any of those cells, and they don't care if they take down some healthy, innocent cells in the process. These wounds take a long time to heal under normal circumstances, but they're not even starting to heal yet. The situation in these parts of the body is tensed and may grow worse.

And lastly, Jesus is most definitely battling cancer. The widespread ideologies that premarital and promiscuous sex are acceptable, that money is king, atheism, pride over humility etc. are running rampant over his body causing many many parts to malfunction and perform duties that they were never meant for. As these damaged cells reproduce, they pass on these damaged, cancerous genes to the next generation, so that the cancer is spreading quickly and effectively, threatening to engulf His body entirely.

On a brighter note, there are also portions of His body that have remained faithful, as they try their very best to battle off the cancers, infections and they are also trying to grow new nerve cells into deadened flesh and trying bring back muscles that have gone AWOL so that Jesus can do what He wants, which is to repair His entire body. But these faithful portions of His body are not many, and I imagine Jesus is frustrated, because there is so much He wants to do for us, but because of our disobedience and deviations, all He can do right now and sit in a wheelchair and drool.

I am also inclined to postulate that Jesus' body is that of a child's. After all, he did say that only little children can enter the Kingdom of Heaven. And although His body (us) is rotting away, His mind (Him) remains holy, clear and without sin.

So to sum it all up, there is a child, maybe about 5 years old, who is paralysed waist down, epileptic with maybe Parkinson's disease, cannot eat or drink, is blind and has festering wounds and cancerous cells, in the form of tumors, all over His body. Plus, His lips are contorted and He's drooling.

Do you love Jesus? Does it not pain you to see His body fading away even as His mind and guidance remains so holy and pure? Can you feel His frustration each time we give up on Him or turn our back on Him? There's so much He can do and wants to do for us, but because one part is not willing to give in to Him so that He can help another part of His body, it has simply degenerated into a complete mess. It might seem like a losing battle, but have faith. Everyone's contribution counts. Please help by doing His will instead of yours.

Help, so that if ever Jesus wants to get off the bed next time, he would not land on the floor with a "thud" and a scraped knee, with a soreness in His heart that His left arm betrayed Him. Funny how I should feel like Jesus when I fall. Funnier still, that I actually wondered to God immediately after the fall,"Why'd you let me fall for? What lesson can I learn and how on earth can I get to know you better with this silly incident of pure carelessness?"

He certainly doesn't disappoint with His answers and I suppose I am a nerve cell right now, trying to transmit this message across to you.

So in a way, it was for you I fell. Don't let my fall be in vain, please.

2009-09-28T02:47:00.002+08:00

"My love is imperfect. But in my love, I give without asking for returns.

So when she said,'Give Him back to me,' and He said,'Give her back to Me,' I gave in and gave up for I do love them both dearly.

And I also found out that the hardest thing for a determined person to do, is to let go.

But love always prevails."

--In conversation with Anon.

2009-09-25T07:56:00.001+08:00

In His infinite wisdom, He has given me all my successes to let me know He's watching over me, and all my failures to keep me humble. Embrace everything He throws at you in your life. *hugs*

2009-09-14T06:26:00.002+08:00

“Are you hungry? There’s bread in front of you. You can eat that,” John said to Idbig.

“Is it? Where?” Idbig said as he groped around, searching for the bread.

“Well, it’s just right in front of you. Just open your eyes and you’ll see it,” John told Idbig.

“Why must I open my eyes? If it’s right in front of me, then I would be able to take it and eat it without opening my eyes right? It’s only logical,” Idbig said.

“Well, it’s hard to explain why you can’t reach it with your eyes closed, but just believe it. Just trust me and open your eyes and you’d see the bread,” John said.

“Wait a minute. I think you’re pulling my leg. I don’t think there is bread in front of me at all. Or anywhere around here,” Idbig said as he stopped groping around.

“Huh? Why would I do that for? What’s there for me to gain? There really is bread in front of you, I assure you,” John said.

“Oh yeah? So it’s right in front of me? Why don’t you prove it to me then?” Idbig said as he folded his arms across his chest and tilt his head challengingly at John.

“Ok, so how about you just open your eyes and you can see for yourself I’m speaking the truth?” John asked.

“No. Show me there’s bread in front of me first before I open my eyes,” Idbig said resolutely.

“How am I going to show you the bread if you don’t open your eyes?” John asked, exasperated.

“Well, you have to show me something, a hint of the bread or whatever first before I open my eyes. I don’t want to be fooled by you or waste my efforts opening my eyes to see something that’s not there. I’m a logical and efficient person, I’d have you know that. I don’t waste time and effort doing stupid things. It makes no sense that I can see the bread but I can’t feel it just because my eyes are closed. It’s not logical. You should be able to show me the bread’s there before I open my eyes. That makes more sense,” Idbig replied.

“What have you got to lose just by believing me and opening your eyes? You just have to believe, open your eyes, see the bread and eat the bread or not see the bread and know that I’m lying,” John said. “Would you just try opening your eyes?”

After a pause, Idbig said, “Fine,” grudgingly. “There! I’ve opened my eyes. Where’s the bread? All I see is darkness.”

John stared at Idbig and said, “Your eyes are not open! You’re just looking at the inside of your eyelids! You still don’t trust me!”

Idbig replied indignantly, “Of course they are open! But having opened them, all I see is darkness! You’ve lied to me! There is no bread around here!” With that, Idbig refused to speak any longer and went back to his groping. First, he would extend out his hands, touching and feeling for objects. What he can remove, he brings it to his mouth and tried to use it as food. What he cannot remove, he brings his mouth there to chew. Always, he made sure he checked something thoroughly and carefully with his hands before he chews it. He’d know all of the dimensions and texture of the object; only then is he convinced that something is real and can be tried eating. All of this was done without him opening his eyes, of course. He has survived well and thrived previously without opening his eyes. Why would any of that change? Why would he need his eyes now if he didn’t need it before? In this manner, he has chewed wooden splints, plastic forks, table cloths and even the table itself. None, of course, could fill him up decently and he is left feeling emptier and hollower by the minute. Finally, he reached a point where he doesn’t think he can survive another second longer.

Out of desperation and a lack of alternatives, he opened his eyes and found, to his surprise, a tin can. Now, his vision is blurred, not at all focused, because of the long duration he has not opened his eyes which caused his eye muscles to deteriorate, but he could see that the tin can was sealed by a clever mechanism—one which he could never have figured out without his eyes, but with vision, he easily opened it and found…bread! Idbig devoured it greedily and was thankful that he escaped this hunger finally. Having filled his stomach, Idbig drifted off to rest and his eyes gently closed and…

“So you found the bread?” John asked, concerned.

“Hmm?” Idbig woke up startled. He stretched himself and gave a big yawn…but his eyes remained closed. “Bread? What bread?” Idbig said. He seemed to remember eating some bread and seeing some tin can contraption, but it all seemed like a faraway dream that he couldn’t remember. He’s back in the familiar darkness of the blind and he feels comfortable with it. “Maybe I did eat some bread, but I can’t be sure,” Idbig said carefully.

“Well, I’m just glad you found it though. I’m sure you found the bread and ate of it. For I can see that you are no longer plagued by hunger,” John said and left.

Now, it came to pass that Idbig started getting hungry again, for he did not eat of the bread constantly as he did not open his eyes after the last time and thus, he was back to groping around for food. Now, Idbig was a smart man. He remembered how he found the bread the last time and this time, he went around groping for a tin can. He found something cuboid which he thought could be the can and fingered around to try to open it. He has done it before, his fingers will remember how to do it again. But each time he picked up what seem like a tin can, he wasn’t sure if it was a tin can. And each time he tried opening the tin can, he wasn’t sure if it can be opened at all. And each time he opened a tin can, he wasn’t sure if there would be bread in there. After all, he ate all of it the last time. He had so many doubts, so so many doubts. And he finally gave up, saying,

“I can’t find the bread at all! I did everything I did the last time and I just can’t find it! The bread has gone away from me now.”

John heard the cry and came by and spoke to Idbig, “The bread is there, right in front of you. It has never left you. You did everything you did the last time you found the bread, except you forgot the most important thing this time! You forgot to have faith that the bread IS there and open your eyes to see it is true. When you believe and open your eyes because you believe, then you shall find. If you seek to find before you believe, so that you place your faith in evidence and your own logic instead of the bread’s existence, you will not find. If you find the tin can and believe there is bread because of the tin can, then you will be disappointed, for the tin can you hold is not the tin can that contains the bread. If you believe that the bread exists because the bread exists, then there is no need to look for evidence for the bread’s existence. You’d have opened your eyes because you believed and found, instead of groping around and not find.”

“How can you be so sure? You claim to have opened your eyes and see things I’m not seeing but likewise, I am seeing things that you are not seeing, even though it is darkness and occasion spots of colour. How can you be sure that you’re the one seeing and I’m not? I could be the one with the eyes open and yours closed!” Idbig retorted.

“Well, I’m the one who’s filled, and you, hungry,” John replied simply.

“…”

“I can’t prove to you the bread is there until you believe and open your eyes first. Then you will see for yourself. If you insist on groping around for evidence that there is bread, then you will never find it. For the only evidence that there is bread, is when you see the bread for yourself and you reach out and hold it in your hands. The tin cans and contraptions you hold prove nothing of the bread’s existence as long as you don’t believe, no matter how logically you try to deduce its existence or lack of,” John continued.

You can’t find God without first having faith, the certainty of what you hope for and hold on to without seeing. For He is above the constraints of logical reasoning which he has given us, and because He chooses to be that way.

(Writer's note): IDBIG – I Don’t Believe In God

2009-09-12T09:00:00.003+08:00

Part I:

The old man asked the young man, "Do you know what faith is?"

The young man looked straight at the old man and without another moment of hesitation, blindfolded himself and walked across a road which was six lanes wide and had traffic coming from both sides.

When he reached the other end, he said to the old man, "This is faith."

The old man, pointing to the drivers on the road who were hollering and cursing at the young man's daredevil stunt but had jam braked their cars instead of running him over, said, "No, this is grace."

Moral of the story: Sometimes people are nice to you even though it doesn't seem like it. Like the drivers who are cursing the young man. They risk getting into accidents themselves instead of running him over.

Part II:

The young man retorted, "This is faith in others' grace."

Moral of the story: Old men aren't always right and they don't always get the last say.

2009-07-25T14:50:00.002+08:00

I've been asked many times by many different people this question, so much so that I think it would be appropriate for me to put the answer down in writing for future reference. So here it is.

The guide to topping your class (misconceptions and the truth)

To be a top student

1. You don't have to be smart. Just don't be stupid.

2. You don't have to be hardworking. Just don't be lazy.

3. You don't have to know everything. Just know the answers to the questions in the exam papers.

4. You don't have to like studying. Just don't hate it.

5. You don't have to apple polish your supervisors or markers. Just don't offend them.

6. You don't have to think too much. Just don't think too little.

7. You don't have to show how much you understand. Just don't show what you don't understand.

8. You don't have to depend on yourself. Just don't depend on lecturers.

9. You don't have to be resourceful. Just don't be friend-less.

10. You don't have to take the top position of the class. Just don't take the rest of the positions below the top position.

See? Isn't it easy? Now everyone can be a top student! For your complete guide to topping your class, order now at only USD 19.99! (First 20 customers get a complimentary foolscape paper!)(batteries not included)

2009-07-11T21:17:00.004+08:00

Heartfelt words.

If I could write a piece of music that can express what I feel about this whole thing, I would. But I couldn't. If I could paint a picture to explain what I think, I would. But I couldn't. In the end, since I can only use inadequate words to remotely convey my inner world into the outer, so be it.

I have a story to tell.

There was once an uneducated couple. Life was not easy for them for they had to withstand physical toils to make ends meet as they had no knowledge nor information to trade for a living. Unsurprisingly, when they received their first child, a son, they educated him on the importance of education.

"You have to study hard and graduate with good results from a college so that you can have a good life in the future. See how such people sit in their comfortable offices, earning thousands of dollars with nothing more than their signatures?"

They don't smile often in the absence of others, for life was hard, as I mentioned before, and marriage for a young couple is never easy even under the best of circumstances. Despite this, the child knew that they'd smile at good results.

Then came a day when the mother brought his son to a church. The father fetched them there but did not enter, for he believed in other gods. After the service, the mother brought the child to a statue and told him to touch its feet and make a wish. The wish, the mother assured, would definitely come through. As an example, she performed the act first, touching the feet of the statue, closing her eyes and praying in silence. The child was six, and even at that young age, he could see that the stature was not a piece of art. It was of a man he did not know, but out of obedience, he followed in his mother's actions. Closing his eyes, he wondered about what to ask for and quickly decided that he wanted good results to please his mother. Not just good results; in fact, he asked to be the legendary top student that his mother had always sung praises and told incredible stories about. After all, his mother did say that whatever he wished for would come true. And thus, in that span of a few seconds, a prayer based on the innocence of a child trying to bring happiness to his parents was forged...and quickly forgotten...

Until the child came back with his first ever perfect score in a primary two math test. Then a certain amount of time later, perfect score in mother tongue. And for a while, the perfect score alternated between the two subjects before disappearing. The mother brought the child back to the church to give thanks, and he sees the statue again. Once again, under the urging of the mother, he made a simple prayer to be have good results. And again, the prayer was as quickly forgotten.

Until the child came back, a fairly long while after, as the top student in his primary 3 class. Once again the mother brought him to church to give thanks and he renewed his prayers again. Unfortunately, for the better part of the next two and half years, his studies took a turn for the worse and major disappointment ensued. After the disappointment, there was acceptance that perhaps the child had reached his peak and expectations fall. At the end of the 2 and half years however, the child's results picked up again so he topped the EM2 stream at his primary 6 preliminaries. He did not receive a prize, however, for he had EM1 students in his class who topped the class, and hence, could not fulfill his mother's dream of walking onto stage to receive a prize. He remembered his prayer 3 years ago, and was grateful it was answered. From then on, he thought of the prayer as settled but he no longer went to church to touch the statue's feet nor make any more prayers to be the top student. His primary 6 nationals was unexpectedly worse than his preliminaries, but he went on to a secondary school.

In his secondary school days, the child performed fairly well for his first two years. He never did quite top his class, but he was more often than not within the top 10 in class in results. However, he was made to struggle terribly in secondary 3 and 4 and his prayers revolved more around survival than being a top student. He passed his nationals with very good grades though, and received a prize for it. The prize awarded was for top student, though he was far from truly being the top student; over 20 people were awarded the same prize and all of them performed better than he did. The only reason he was awarded top student along with them was because he attained the best possible grades in the basic subjects just like the 20 others. He did not do as well as them in the additional subjects although he was given the same award. The genuine top student, his classmate, received an additional award on top of this one given to 20 others. He did not remember his prayers as a child but he gave thanks.

He went on to a junior college, and though his grades remained consistently better than average, he was, for the most part, spent and overly stressed. He was arguably the top student in his class, but in junior colleges, there was no effort made to distinguish such people nor honour them; not that the child cares anymore, for he was still desperately struggling and praying only to survive. He recognised that such "top student" could very easily change hands to another while he falls into oblivion if he becomes complacent. Besides, the JC syllabus was as harsh to a "top student" as it was to everyone else. At the end of JC, the child was arguably the top student for his class of 23 people for he performed the best once again in the basic subjects, but he did not take additional subjects like some of his peers did, although they did not do very well in them. At this point, the child did not think he could carry on studying anymore, for he was completely spent and did not think he had any of such determination left in him, which was just well, as he became a conscript of his nation's army. he did not remember his prayers as a child, but he gave thanks for being able to survive JC education.

Two and half years in conscription went by quickly. He did not top any classes in the army, though he was blessed with best serviceman of the month and best commander. Such awards were not exclusive though and meant less to him than the difference he was making in people's lives as a section commander in the army. He gave thanks for being able to survive the conscription process without grievous injuries. He proceeded on to college at the end of his conscription period.

The thought of studies terrorised the child at this point in time, until he found, with extremely pleasant surprise, himself on the dean's list at the end of the first semester. His surprises increased exponentially as his position on the dean's list renewed with every semester. On top of that, he was awarded the best student prize in his second year.

"This must be a fluke. I should cherish this since I certainly won't get it the next year," he thought to himself. He gave thanks for the award.

He was awarded the best student prize the following year, his third year. Besides the faculty prize, other organisations gave additional prizes for him being the best student in his faculty for that year.

"Well, I am very thankful for this blessing, but there's always a chance of someone else overtaking me next year," he thought to himself. He gave thanks for the award. Now he was on track for first class honours, and he figured he would be satisfied should it come to pass that he could graduate with first class honours. However, people's expectations that he would be the top graduating student the following year were starting to get to him, and he had to constantly remind himself to focus on the truly important things in life. He understands that the honour of a top student is the privilege of the Father to give, not his to work for. And he understands that the future is not something one should think about more than the present.

He was awarded 3 medals for being the top student in his course of study the following year, his final year. All at once, he remembered his prayers in childhood and was shell-shocked to find them answered so fully, beyond the wildest of his imaginations, at the end of his studies. As he reflected upon his life, he found his prayers answered at every turn. His prayers which he himself had forgotten so many years ago, a prayer that mattered so little to him. But He who the prayer was made to had never forgotten. He knew the child and watched over him before he even knew who He is. Waves of awe and indescribable gratefulness filled the child as he realised all of these things.

This morning I stood, quite nervously, at the edge of the stage. The speaker had just changed as a new degree, bachelor of engineering (mechanical), was to be presented. After some formalities, the speaker started.

"Winner of the Lee Kuan Yew Gold Medal award,"

~silence~

"Winner of the Institute of Engineering Society Gold Medal Award,"

~chattering~

"...and Winner of the Professional Engineering Board Gold Medal Award,"

~ "Whoa~" ~

" Lai Chang Quan. "

~ Extended thunderous applause, whistles and owl hoots ~

I walked forward into the applause, the catcalls and the light, into the incredible dream that had been in the works for the past 18 years, prepared by the One who never forgot even a child's simple prayer, completely overwhelmed by the love and grace I was receiving. At the same time, I felt immensely humbled by the unexpected reception I was receiving.

I was told a rainbow appeared in the sky today. I could hear Him tell me, in a language far beyond words and normal human comprehension, that He is always faithful to His promises, and His promises, like the rainbow, stand forever.

I cannot imagine how I can relate to you how it is like to see the fulfillment of His promise except that it brings tears to my eyes. Me, a worthless vessel of wavering and unsteady faith, who rarely did right by God...How is it that He has chosen to bless me, over so many other people, some more pious than me and some more hardworking than me? How is it that a being greater than this Earth and Heaven that He created, would bother to lift up a speck of dust in the wind like me? The sheer magnitude of His grace is impossible to comprehend.

Over these 18 years, my perspectives and values in life have changed and matured rather drastically from the time when I made the prayers as a child. For one, success in studies had rapidly taken a step down to many other things in life, including and most prominently, relationships. Being a top student no longer meant as much to me anymore. I am more thankful for the gift of healthy friendships and trustworthy relationships these days. Secondly, I've learnt to focus on the Giver more than the gift itself. For this reason precisely, even though top student does not mean as much as it did, this gift assures me that the Giver is real and watching out for every one of us all the time. The gift is inconsequential. The love that comes with the gift is invaluable. The answer to some prayers may be a long time in coming, but the scale of its magnitude when they do come will knock us off our feet.

A friend just called me up to congratulate me. In his own words, he was "honoured to have made my acquaintance". I suppose there is little chance that I'll ever convince him that truly, the honour was all mine and nothing in these few years would have been the same and meant as much without them. But if I were to start thanking all of the people who have helped me along the way, I would have a very long blogpost. I mean, just of the top of my head, I can remember the time when my friend was late for an exam because of me; the time when my younger brother voluntarily exchanged rooms with me because he knew I could not sleep in my mosquito infested room and I was going to have an exam the next day; the time when my sister secretly made the ugliest and at the same time, the most beautiful drawing ever in my sketchbook to encourage me in my time of extreme exam stress; the entire 4 years in secondary school when my dad drove me faithfully to school on time everyday; all of the household chores my mum took upon herself to do just so I could concentrate on my studies etc. In short though, i just want to say that I have found the love for people from the love that He has given me.

In short, i just want to give Him all of the greatest glory for His grace in heaping so much glory and sending so much love through all the people I've met on undeserving me.

This is my testimony on the greatest love I've ever experienced in my life.

2009-07-09T17:40:00.003+08:00

There was once a troubled man who went up a mountain to seek an old sage for advice.

He found him meditating in the woods and asked the old man,

"Kind Sir, may I ask where pain comes from?"

The old man replied,

"Where there is pain, there was love."

He asked,

"Does pain therefore come from love?"

The old man replied,

"No. Pain arises from a lack of love."

He asked again,

"Can I therefore remove all pain in my heart if I remove all my feelings including love or lack of it?"

At this, the old man stood up and motioned for him to crouch down on the ground. After the man had assumed the position, he sat down onto his back and began meditating once more. After a long while, the sore, tired and puzzled man, who was still crouching, asked,

"Kind Sir, would you please tell me what you are doing?"

The old man replied,

"Well, if you are going to remove all of your feelings, you might as well be a rock in this forest. If you are going to be a rock, you might as well be a rock I'm sitting on. You are certainly more comfortable to sit on than any other rocks."

The young man asked,

"Well, then, is there any way of removing this pain in my heart without becoming a rock?"

The old man replied,

"If pain arises from a lack of love, then to remove the pain, you must seek love. Duh."

Epilogue

1 John 4:8

2009-07-04T17:41:00.003+08:00

I've been really wondering of late what I'm doing. The doubts just keep recurring. Trained in mech engineering for four years, studying material science and electrical engineering for the next 5 years so that I can apply it to cure biological diseases...Heck, I just got reminded yesterday that I don't even know what field my phD is going to be in.

But somehow, through it all, I feel the call. I feel like this is the right path to take, being called to it by Him, who reminded me that the road has already been prepared and paved, and who's asking me if I have the courage to take it.

I can't help but wonder what He wants me to do through all this.

I thought about many things...maybe He really wants me to develop something good and useful for mankind...maybe there's something else in all this that I have to learn...maybe there are people I'm supposed to reach out...maybe all of the above, maybe none...But this is what I heard today.

He wants to say, "All of you suffering from physical pain from diseases ravaging your bodies, despair not. You are not forgotten or forsaken."

Every time I have fever and got immobilised in bed, I kinda feel forgotten. The whole world moves on and people carry on with their lives, enjoying things I could no longer relate to or imagine. Yet at the same time, i wasn't interested in people stopping their lives and crowding around me. I wanted them to carry on with their daily stuff but I can't help feeling alone and forsaken. If just for that few days of illness I feel so, how much more do patients with prolonged diseases eating away at their minds and bodies feel!

I can't see into the future, I don't know how it will turn out. I can't say at the end of this 5 year journey I will definitely have something to alleviate your physical pain and trouble. Maybe He will provide me with the solution. Maybe i'll screw it all up and get lost from Him and nobody gets anything. But all I know right now is that He wants me to try so that you will know that you are still loved and embraced, not forgotten nor forsaken. He wants you to know that your fellow brother, me, is spending his life looking for a way to free you. Hold on and hold strong, my friends. He remembers, and has sent me. I don't know if I'll be faithful and strong enough to accomplish it, but He has done His part and is blameless. Now if I fail you, fear not, for there are others out there He has prepared.

You're not forgotten. I'm coming for you.

He's already here for you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The lessons in life can't be taught. They must be learned.

2009-06-12T17:31:00.000+08:00

My best friend and I have been walking across the world for some time now and had seen many amazing things. Our travels eventually brought us to become honourary servants under the Black Lord (黑君).

The Black Lord is a Chinese Lord, tall and lanky and always dressed in black and gold. He had long slit-like eyes, thick eyebrows and long black beard and mustache. The beard and mustache were however, not thick, but silky long and thin, just like him. He was considered young for a Chinese Lord, merely 40 plus years old with few wrinkles around his eyes. Like many other Chinese lords, the Black Lord was an imposing and serious man with a permanent frown on his forehead, sending chills down anyone having an audience with him. His actions were often stately and slow, an expression of power and importance, although on occasion, I had seen him move faster than a viper striking. Although the Black Lord kept strict Chinese traditions in his household, his place was a western palace with 2 points of entry, each guarded by 2 imposing black iron gates, spaced about 100m from each other.

We were made honourary servants because we were not born servants. We were educated in our youth and knowledgable by virtue of our extensive travels. In addition, we were not local, making us something like foreign dignitaries or even ambassadors, though we were not officially conferred such a title by our homeland. Even so, the presence of foreigners in a Chinese home in those days often add regard to the family and the Black Lord was interested in that; at least until he tires of us and send us on our way. For our part, we gladly accepted the free accommodation and position as honourary servants, another adventure to add to our illustrious travel stories.

The Black Lord’s servants were curious at our admission into the servants’ quarters, often chattering excitedly with each other in our presence but they largely kept to themselves. They were nevertheless friendly and helpful in teaching us our duties, although never beyond what was absolutely necessary. As a result, after 2 and half weeks, we were still treated as outsiders, even though it felt like we had been trained to do a servant’s duties all our lives. Things might have stayed the same way and we would have moved on with our travels in another week or so and that would have been it. Peaceful and uneventful. But it was not to be.

18 days into our service as the Black Lord’s servants, a young girl bounded into the servants’ quarters and raised a commotion. All the servants present at the quarters at that time crowded around her and fawned over her and their expression of joy and love stunned my friend and I for we never saw such open display of affection from them before. The girl was shorter than me by half a head and skinny, though she had a heart-shaped face. Her hair was slightly longer than shoulder length and often tied back in a pony tail. Her doe eyes were not very large but captivating and she had an easy-going smile which made her eyes turn into perfect crescent lines. The girl looked like she was of late teenage years, though we later learned that she was merely 2 years younger than either of us. We were curious about this special girl who brought life to quiet and usually tired servants whom everyone seemed to respect but adore at the same time. We did not have to go about asking though, for she came up to us and introduced herself as the Black Lord’s only child, which astonished us even more considering the contrast between her and her father’s personalities.

Whatever were our initial thoughts, we quickly saw why she was so well-loved. She gave much attention and was caring towards the servants. Her youthful nature and curiosity added a sense of vibrancy amongst the older servants and makes them excited about life. She studied with a private tutor, whom she usually drags to the servants’ quarters so that the servants can learn also. It was also to her credit that the other servants started opening up to us and treating us as one of them, following her lead. We got to know Chok, the stableman, Tak, labourer, Sim, the cleaner of the main residence, Master Yu, the chef extraordinaire amongst many others. Being closer to her in age, we often hang out together and she would bring us around the mansion showing us places we never knew and would have never noticed.

One of the girl’s private tutors was Mr. Zhou, a short and slightly plump man with an constant stubble. He wears gold-rimmed spectacles and western shirts and pants each time he was at the residence, even though he knew he was headed for the servants’ quarters by request of the girl. He was the only tutor whose past nobody knew about, but he was always pleasant and courteous. It was during one of his lessons that he invited me and my friend to share with everyone present the stories of our travels and the sights we have come across. And from then on, at the request of many of the servants, we describe our travels regularly and even had the chance to share with them Christianity. We told them about the winding Grand Canyon from which people claim to hold evidence that the world was 4.5 billion years old, and we told them about the precarious Red Hanging Cliff, from which a blind girl on a donkey had overstepped and plunged to her untimely death 70 years ago, but whose body has only been recently found. We shared with them that everyone had a choice and no one was born to be a slave anymore, unless they choose to be. We must have been fantastic storytellers for everyone listening told us that they could feel the clouds in their hands when we describe about height of the Red Hanging Cliff and they had to shield their eyes from the shine of all the gold that was on the intricate gates of the West Majesty’s palace and some even felt seasick imagining the bobbing up and down of the rafts on the canals that make up the streets in Venice. Most of all, many told us that we have given them a great sense of freedom in their hearts. Even Mr. Zhou, when we’re sharing our stories, would often close his eyes and concentrate on the pictures we were trying to describe. For a while, I suspected that he was actually nodding off until one day, when he came up to us and told us, “The two of you have done well. You have given them the freedom of their minds. They are no longer slaves.”

Time flew, and eventually I was asked to accompany the Black Lord on one of his business trips on a great ship he owned. It was made primarily of wood, but made without a single nail and magnificently furnished and carved. On this trip, we met with what seemed like pirates and were attacked. I had to fight alongside the shorthanded soldiers that the Black Lord brought along and almost got my face burned to crisp by an incendiary gun which I managed to twist and point at the assailant at the last second, charring the whole of the left side of his face. The pirates were eventually repelled and shaky from the encounter, I wondered why we had travelled out to the deserted waters, making us an easy prey for pirates. I later found out, with great shock that the Black Lord was involved in a wide range of illegal activities that starts with kidnapping through to inciting wars which he benefited by smuggling weapons and information to both sides. The captive from whom I extorted the information from also explained that they were not pirates but partners of these illegal businesses who the Black Lord has cheated and betrayed.

I did not confront the Black Lord immediately, knowing that such an effort would be futile, but instead, upon my return to the servants’ quarters, asked around if anyone knew that the Black Lord was involved in such activities. Their uneasiness at the questions told me all, though no one knew the full extent of the Black Lord’s “businesses”. Indeed, most of them avoid finding out such information and shied their senses from it due to multiple reasons, including consideration for their young miss. It was about this time also that I started to realize that the young miss had something for my friend. It was subtle of course, and I could have as easily misread, if not for the events that occurred later. As it is, my friend did not reciprocate her feelings, keeping the relationship solely within the boundaries of friendship, even before I broke the news of the Black Lord’s activities to them. I suppose he still wanted to travel the world.

After some discussion, my friend and I decided that the only thing we could do was to terminate our services with the Black Lord and be on our way to another place or country. There really was not much use reporting to authorities; in that place, the Black Lord was THE authority. In the meantime, the father-daughter relationship between the Black Lord and the girl worsened. It was never good to begin with, for the Black Lord had remained aloof to everyone including the girl and had been apathetic towards her activities all her life. After the revelation of the Black Lord’s activities by me, father and daughter began speaking more than before, but on increasingly worse terms. It had seemed to me though, that the Black Lord would not have been interested in arguing with his daughter if she had not broken every single Chinese tradition of respecting parents and elders. He appeared to be infuriated by her lack of manners more than her questions. While passing by her room one day, I overheard an argument between the two of them.

“All mankind started from two people, Adam and Eve!” she shouted.

“Then wouldn’t there have been incest between the children of Adam and Eve?! No! I tell you this world was made when Pangu died and 800 individuals rose from his body to form Mankind!” He shouted back.

And then just as suddenly they started arguing about the freedom of choice even for slaves with the Black Lord vehemently opposing such ideas. From what it seemed, the Black Lord had started taking note of servants’ conversations late and had realized that they have been talking about Christianity and freedom and the outside world more than he had like to hear about.

By the time we have made our decision and plans to leave, things have come to a head and the Black Lord had gotten so incensed as to order a house arrest for everyone within the residence. No one was allowed to go out in the next two days. Fear rippled through the servants’ quarters when the order was passed down. It was true that the Black Lord was not easily angered, choosing to focus his energy more on his “businesses” and twisted pleasures which no one knows about, or tries to forget. However, once infuriated, his cruelty in punishment was very well-known too. There were whispers in the servants’ quarters that the Black Lord planned to slaughter everyone in the servants’ quarters, including his own daughter, that night. Some others however, tried to reason that since the Black Lord had a huge dinner party planned at his residence for the entire city the day after next, he would not get enough help if he killed everyone in the servants’ quarters. That did little to assuage everyone’s fears and the level of panic eventually rose to a palpable level. But where there was panic, there was desperation and where there was desperation, courage and a plan arose amongst the servants. They would fight for their freedom. They would not sit and be put down like livestock.

As plans were being laid out and ideas were constantly being generated and rejected, Mr Zhou walked into the servants’ quarters. It was his lesson day. The girl paled and rushed to him and stammered out what was happening and how he should not be here for he would be placed under house arrest too. Mr. Zhou’s eyes widened in surprise at the story the girl told him.

“You can come in, but you would not leave. You must return to your home while you can, quickly.” She insisted.

Mr. Zhou paused and studied the ground for a few seconds. Without changing his expression or posture, he looked into the girl’s eyes and merely said, “I believe that even slaves should get a choice in life. I’ll stay.” And with that, he took the nearest seat and quietly listened to the laying out of plans which resumed quickly.

A few moments passed and a soldier brought a message that the Black Lord wanted to see my friend and me. Everyone cast a worried look at us, but no plans or ideas had even been laid yet and no one knew what to do even if they dared to do anything. We followed the soldier and found ourselves standing in front of the Black Lord who was pacing on his dais in the main hall. We braced ourselves for what was to come, but when the Black Lord spoke, we were dumbfounded.

“I’m afraid I no longer have need of your services. It is time for the both of you to leave. Tonight.”

I didn’t know what to feel. I was leaving this place alive, so hurray for that. But I didn’t want to leave my comrades behind. I looked over to my friend, and he seemed to be having the same struggle. We returned to the servants’ quarters and reported our orders, hoping for some advice as to whether we should leave or stay.

“Leave!”

There was no contest. Everyone felt that we should leave this place alive while we still can. It, however, immediately drew protests from the both of us. We were scared, in fact, petrified more than ever before than we would not get to see these people who have become such fast friends with us over the last few months. We’d miss Chef Yu’s dishes, Madam Ren’s infectious laughter, Sim’s silly pranks and Tak’s funny jokes. I wanted to stay and see if Pek could finally memorise the timetables and if Lok’s attempts to beef up his body would have results. Maybe Tian’s talent for painting pigeons would be recognized and Fu could teach me how to throw stones as accurately as he did. I stared at all their faces and imagine all of their future and their dreams and hopes. And how all of that might disappear after tonight, and I wouldn’t be here for them.

“Go!”

I picked up my bags reluctantly and waited for my friend. He walked over the girl who was sitting on the ground and knelt beside her. He took out a bunch of postcards from his bag which he had weaved together using some thread and the Persian weave technique we picked up from a gypsy in Middle East. The borders of the postcards were lined with intricate weaves of thread which cleverly and seamlessly bind one postcard to another. He showed her the postcards one by one. The first one’s the Grand Canyon. The second’s the Eygptian pyramids. The third one’s the Red Hanging Cliff. The fourth one’s the Altrusian Cyclones. The Leedon depths. Dioptomas spirals. Inca stones. Notre dame. Elijah’s Chariot.

“Take the first letter of each place on the postcards...”

GERALDINE. That’s the girl’s name. A tear streamed down her face as she held and stared at the postcards. My friend gave a pained expression and opened his mouth to speak.

“You must leave.”

Her voice was adamant as she spoke the words, looking straight into my friend’s eyes. At the moment, the soldier who was escorting us stepped into the room, so there was no choice but to leave anyway.

*********************************************

The dinner party was open to any and everyone in the city. We walked in through the gates into a crowded plaza in front of the Black Lord’s residence. The plaza was filled with tables with food and people from all walks of life and all social classes from the officials to merchants to labourers and slaves to beggars. We avoided the center of the plaza and walked around the perimeter to the kitchen instead. Someone has to be preparing all the food and if there’s any way to contact our friends, that’s the best place to do so, we figured.

We reached the kitchen and opened the door and saw a dozen cooks busily preparing all the food. Standing with his back towards us supervising over them was Hei, one of the servants who was no so close with us during our time as the Black Lord’s servants. The rest of the cooks were hired hands and we did not recognize any of them. I was about to reach out to grab Hei’s arm and asked him about the others when I heard the Black Lord’s voice. He sounded close, but was not yet within my sight. I closed the door and we sneaked away to try our luck at the preparatory site, at the edge of the garden to the left of the kitchen. There, I found Sim who was supervising a bunch of hired hands too. I grabbed his arm and after some surprised comments, I immediately started asking about the others. And then he told me what happened after we left.

“We stole the Lord’s horses and carriage, which were black like night, and packed everyone in as much as we could. It was the best way to deceive the soldiers into letting us out. We made it all the way across from the stable to the courtyard and past the first gate. The second gate opened for us too but when we were still some distance away from it, it started to close. Behind us, we heard the sound of another carriage charging towards us. It was the Black Lord’s spare carriage. When we realize that our plan has been foiled, Chok rushed ahead of the carriage to try to keep the gate opened while our carriage galloped towards it. But both Chok and the carriage were too late and we were taken captive. The Black Lord had his soldiers skin Fu the moment we were caught to give us a taste of what was to come.” Sim shuddered at this point, but kept on talking. “Halfway through it, Mr. Zhou arrived with the reserve force from the servants’ quarters to attack the soldiers. He’d volunteered to stay behind with those who couldn’t fit into the first trip in the carriage in case something like that happened. The remaining servants came up from behind the Black Lord and fought his soldiers. His courage inspired us to fight too and we attacked with out bare fists. But we lost and all of us were taken captive. The Black Lord meted out sentences on the spot.” My throat tightened as Sim looked away from me.

“Most of them were executed,” He finished.

“What about her?” My friend asked in an agitated tone.

“…he’s brutal…”Sim whispered, speaking more to himself than us. I felt my heart twist. When I remembered to check the reaction of my friend, he was already gone. Either to look for whatever remained of the girl or seek vengeance. I was too numb to go anywhere or do anything. By the time I was aware of anything, I realize that I had a bottle of champagne in my hand and I was at the edge of the crowd. It was the end of the dinner and every guest had a bottle of champagne to pop and drink. Not fully aware of what I was doing, I popped and drank the champagne and there was a lady beside me who whispered something into my ear which I didn’t quite hear and led me away from the plaza to the back of the kitchen.

All I knew was that I was walking and walking and out of a corner of my eye I suddenly spotted Chef Yu sitting behind a table and my heart leapt. I rushed forward to speak to him. That’s when I realized his head was severed from his spine but he was somehow still alive. We exchanged some conversation I couldn’t remember and I was going to ask him more about the night but I couldn’t think of what else to ask.

Then, I woke up.

2009-06-06T23:41:00.004+08:00

After all these years, I finally understand the unifying principle behind painting.The struggle of light and darkness until the "balance" is achieved. How could I have been so blind? All these years...

These days, I find myself realising that I'm really not a good person. The only consolation I get is that at least it's better than thinking of myself as a good person. ><;

2009-04-25T15:27:00.001+08:00

"After all, all of us have travelled to this same point in life by a thousand different ways."

2009-03-23T12:01:00.001+08:00

"I see men as trees,
competing to see who is the strongest and tallest and killing all undergrowth in the process.
I see men as trees,
where the biggest will spread his branches over the others and robbing them of precious light.
I see men as trees,
where the tallest eventually stands alone,
and wonders what he has won.
I see men as trees,
unpassionate and jaded with life,
and concerned only with robust survival.
I see men as trees,
fighting each other for survival,
afraid of death, and not knowing why.
I see men as trees,
who cannot live without one another,
yet also cannot live with each other.
I see men as trees,
who protect themselves with impenetrable bark so thick that even warmth could not reach their hearts.
I see men as trees,
who raise their offsprings to do all of the above as they did.
I see us as seeds,
sown onto this ground during winter,
a period of hibernation, incubation and reflection.
I see us as seeds,
who can grow into trees,
or humans,
after this."

2009-03-10T23:49:00.002+08:00

I think I've posted this before, but I think it's worth another post so here it goes again! :

Passion is working hard at something you love.

Discipline is working hard at something you don't love.

And a new one! :

Purity in thoughts takes a certain amount of innocence.

Purity in action takes a large amount of discipline.

And my favourite one for now:

Miracles are not necessarily things beyond understanding.
Most of the time, they're simply things beyond belief.

2009-03-07T22:13:00.001+08:00

Actually, come to think of it...Why are we looking for other planets when we can't even manage this one properly?

2009-03-05T23:12:00.004+08:00

I've been racking my brains so hard for the last few days a shocking revelation on the most amazing theory is just so bound to happen.

THE GRAND UNIFICATION THEORY OF COMPARISON !!!!!!!!!!

In life,

Running is better than jogging.

Jogging is better than walking.

Walking is better than stopping.

Stopping is better than turning back.

Turning back is only better than nothing.

Therefore nothing is better than running.

Since running is better than jogging,

And jogging is better than stopping,

And stopping is better than turning back,

And we have shown above that nothing is better than running,

Then nothing must be better than running, jogging, stopping or turning back.

And of course, if turning back is better than nothing,

Then nothing must be better than nothing.

This implies that I am better than me, and you are better than you and they are better than them and we are all better than us. Therefore, any form of complete comparison between things will merely lead to the understanding that we are better than ourselves and being better than yourself is an unbounded condition that will cause us to eventually conclude that we are infinitely good.

If assuming a bounded condition, however, without arriving at the subject being infinitely good, then we must neglect the final statement that nothing is better than nothing. Therefore, in any form of complete comparison, the subject in question will always end up being better than everything else it has been compared too, even though the initial impression one gets from the early process of judging is that it is inferior to some things.

-----------------------------------------------------------

It is always a hallmark in your life everytime you change the source of your confidence.

2009-02-23T21:12:00.005+08:00

Sometimes Secrets of the Universe are just like cars -- They hit you only when you're not looking out for them.

So here we go! The latest, freshest, just-out-of-the-oven-can't-hold-without-a-good-brand-of-fantastic-mitten-and-so-nice-and-heavy-you-have-to-hold-with-both-hands-and-if-you-decide-to-use-them-as-weights-for-gym-you-could-potentially-lose-5-pounds-per-session-but-you'll-have-to-remember-to-pay-me-royalties SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE!! dum-dum ratta-tat-ta-ta ta dum-dum-dum-dum clang!

Journals
Ever wondered sometimes, maybe people don't write journals because they don't like to look back and realise they don't practise what they preach? Actually...Nah...actually most of the time they're just too lazy.

"Ashamed of my parents" is a paradoxical phrase.
Because if you're truly ashamed of your parents, then you should be immensely proud of them because they have brought you up to be better than themselves.

Brats
The problem with brats from every generation is that they learn how to demand for respect before they learn how to earn it.

Of discussions on topics that's bothering you
Sometimes, when you avoid an uncomfortable/ undesirable/ sensitive topic that's bothering you, you're not saving the other person from discomfort, embarrassment, disappointment or whatever other negative emotions. You're just preventing yourself from further understanding of the issue.

Cynism
The problem with being over cynical is that you will pass up on something good that could really have happened.

Self-consciousness
The problem with being overly self-conscious is that you can't see all the good things that's happening around you...cos you're too focused on yourself.

I don't remember posting this on the blog before, but I sure as heck repeated this joke a lot of times. It just hit me again recently, so here we go. FYI, it's not even based on a true story. It's completely true down to the full-stop.

So, I was in US right? And I was working as a ride operator. So I've got this simple job of asking passengers to alight on my side of the platform when their ride ends and arrives back at the station. It's more of a scenic ride than a roller coaster ride. You sit in this antique ford car and it drives you around this track at 10km/h. So this one time, a ride came in and it was a family. Two 16 year old girls, a dad and a mom. So when the ride came in I said my line and the dad, mum and the girl on my side all got it and alighted on my side of the platform. The other girl didn't so as she was alighting on the other side of the platform, the dad, mom and sister kept shouting and screaming at her, who was a mere metre away, to come over to my side. She took 10 seconds to get off and all the time the three people and me were calling and shouting at her to get back to our side. It wasn't until she turned around after alighting that she saw the family and realised her mistake. So she quickly rectified her mistake and came onto my platform, embarrassed. And as the family moved off towards the next ride, the mom smiled and told me, "I'm sorry. She's blond." And I was left gaping at the family made up of 3 blond ladies.

William Thomson, AKA Lord Kelvin as in the Kelvin we use in the absolute temperature scale appears to have a healthy interest in chaos too. Check this out -

The conscious purpose of science is control of Nature; its unconscious effect is disruption and chaos.
William I. Thompson

The more chaos there is, the more science holds on to abstract systems of control, and the more chaos is engendered.
William I. Thompson

You know the phrase -- Great minds blah blah blah...

I saw this really interesting joke in Reader's Digest February 2009 issue.

"
A man was driving down the street in a lather (sweat) because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking space. Looking up to the heavens, he said,"Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking space, I promise to go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up swearing." Miraculously, a spot opened up right in front of the building. The man looked up and said, "Never mind. I found one."
"

Hmmmmmmm.........(-_-)

I know what you're thinking --

"He has time to read reader's digest?!"

2009-02-21T20:51:00.000+08:00

An argument's never settled by winning it.

2009-02-19T01:16:00.002+08:00

Confessions of a hen-pecked guy
(inspired by a real conversation)

"I wear the pants in the relationship!"

*pause*

"Cos she wants me to."

2009-02-11T21:14:00.002+08:00

Cinderella is allerednic.

It is an illness of over-optimism, often imagining circumstances to be vastly different from reality. The exact cause and pathway the illness is activated is currently unknown, but recent research has linked it to singlehood, living with 2 stepsisters, a stepmother, a deceased father and an excess of household chores. The time the illness takes to activate can vary, depending on the original psyche make-up of the individual. Tends to affect women more than men.

Symptoms include sitting in a pumpkin excavated of its contents, tying rats to the pumpkins and delirious visions of an old lady claiming to be a certain fairy godmother. Patient experiences a certain fear associated with midnight and believes in instantaneous, painless and perfect make-overs without the help of cosmetic surgery. May run round and round a room dancing macarena with a broom, occasionally calling the broom, "My Prince". Has an inexplicable desire to put feet into glass jars and walk around with them, often kicking one away when descending halfway down staircases.

The only cure presently known for the above atrocious, though mildly infectious illness is to be acquainted with someone claiming to be a prince who carries a glass jar around and possesses a fetish of asking anyone he meets, without fail, to put his/her foot into the jar. Having encountered such a person, the stepsisters must first put their feet individually into the jar and claim not to fit. The patient is allowed to try then, and the person claiming to be the prince must exclaim, "Thou art the one I seek!". Having done that, the cure would be complete after the person claiming to be a prince marries the patient (Las Vegas not accepted) and lives happily ever after, without doing any household chores anymore.

Because the cure is so specific in its requirements, only 1 known patient has managed to be successfully treated. A patient unable to find such a cure for an extended period of time might end up as a single career-driven woman at the executive level of a company or an unhappy housewife. Cases where patients managed to live out a healthy and contented life have also been well-documented though. In such cases, it appears that the allerednic condition of the patient fades away as puberty sets in. As for male patients, the above cure has never been administered, resulting in all of the male patients documented to simply turn gay.

The last sentence anyone ever heard Cinderella, the only patient to be successfully treated, said before she moved on to live happily ever after was a profound,

"I love the blog: secrets of the universe! It helped me lose 12 pounds in 2 hours!"

Some have speculated that it was 12 pounds of grey matter she lost, but it remains largely unproven. As to why she teased countless generations with such a final sentence, no one knows.

2009-02-06T00:14:00.002+08:00

There's so many things floating around my head right now that I can trace out Orion, Perseus and Medusa, Capricornus, Cancer, Aries, Saggittarius, Scorpio, the Big Dipper and the 108 heroes of Liangshan with them. And I'd still have enough to trace out a Rob Liefield drawing and a 700,000 piece Mickey and Minnie goes to India jigsaw puzzle.

I also realise that there are too many 3 letter acronymns in my life right now. FOE, MIT, FYP, IRA, PCL, TCP, SMA. So many but don't have the one I need and it isn't coming anytime soon. OLB. One Long Break.

Form, Break, Reform. The waltz of life. Happens to our bodies, to our relationships, to our societies. Round and round the dance floor we go. We always end up in a different location, but same place.

I'm just looking for creative ways to complain. Bite me.

2009-01-31T23:18:00.004+08:00

It seems quite an irony that I'm writing this post right after I had the most incredible winning streak at Blackjack in my life. As the banker, I massacred all of the 7 other players. It's almost as if gambling is trying to bribe me. Therefore I say to gambling, "36 dollars is too little as a bribe, you stingy freak! I'm still gonna rat on you!!" Which brings us to..........

GAMBLING - The sin revealed

Coming up next:
- Breaking down the sin of gambling piece by piece
- Why you'll never win against a casino
- How it gets you hooked
- How you can escape
All of it right here, in Secrets of the Universe: Gambling - The sin revealed. Stay tuned.

Gambling. Love it or hate it, it is a part of our everyday life. It is a more specific form of taking risks, mainly involving cards, tiles, roulettes and other fancy gadgets. It has the illustrious history of breaking up families, supporting economies of entire states and bringing down entire fortunes. It raises more hope than a boy about to confess his feelings to a girl and similarly crushes more hope than a girl being rejected by a boy. But still, people do it. The Chinese do it, the Japanese do it, the Russians do it, the Americans do it, the !Kung bushmen probably do it too. The young do it, the old do it. People do it during Chinese new year, during new year, during christmas, during whenever. In fact, every single human is probably united by the fact that we have gambled before. For some it is a social act, for some it is for the thrill of it, for some it is all about the winning or losing, for some perhaps even livelihood. But there are only 2 kinds of people gambling all along. Those addicted to it, and those not.

Now, there's no doubt that addiction to gambling is a sin. Mainly motivated by greed and pride, it can be fatal to relationships. Therefore, it is crucial to understand why people get addicted to gambling, and how to get out of the addiction.

To become addicted to gambling, you must make a few mistakes first. Then these mistakes will lead to more mistakes and ultimately culminate in the mistake of addiction to gambling, that will lead to even more mistakes in life. So without further ado, let's go.

Mistake 1: Putting too much stake onto gambling

One of the biggest difference between someone addicted to gambling and someone not, would be how serious they are about the outcome of each bet. Addicts would pretty much be all nervous and solemn about the bets and look at cards like their lives depend on it. They'd curse and swear and string expletives into poems about every bad card they get. And they'd peer at their cards while chanting some funny thing much like karl malone everytime he takes a free shot. And they'd have a lucky coin, or lucky handkerchief and you cannot pat their left shoulder or pull their leg (literally or figuratively) and they must sit at the right spot or must wear red underwear or whatever. Anyway, the point is that they'd take all the care in the world to make sure every single thing on them and in the environment is just right for their gambling process.

And you can read results off their faces. If they win, theyd be top of the world and every thing goes for them. When they lose, they'd look like they're going to murder someone. And some of them do. Now, I understand that there are professional gamblers who hide their emotions at the table to fool the banker or opponents, but have no doubt that if they did not need to do it, they would reveal most of the characteristics I've described above.

Main thing is, they're so serious about winning and losing. If they win, they'd be in seventh heaven and if they lose, they'd bring armaggeddon to this world.

Mistake 2: Misunderstanding about what the stakes and what it implies when you win or lose

Now, the main reason addicts are so concerned about winning or losing, is because they did not know what exactly they've laid on the line. Now obviously there's money on the line, and then if your relationships are strained by the gambling habits, then relationships are on the line too. Now, there's not all there is to it. There are hidden things on the line too. Including your pride, and your perception about gambling. You see gambling is a funny thing. The more time you spend with it, the less you actually see it as it really is. It clouds your mind and conceals its sinful nature behind your wrath at losing or ecstasy at winning. It brings your attention to the results and not the process. When that happens, it'd bring it right to its deepest embrace without you ever knowing it. In fact, it'd kick you to the deepest pits of hell by bringing you to seventh heaven.

Now I also said pride is on the line. Why? As I explain this, you'd see what I mean by how gamblers are deluded by the actual meaning of winning or losing a bet. Now, the greatest lie that gambling has ever produced is to make you believe that you have greater control over the game than you actually do. It made you believe that mahjong takes only skill, blackjack takes only skill, and the history of results of the roulette can provide you with some kind of statistical analysis which you can use to predict the next game's result. Meaning, if only you have a flexible mind and experience with mahjong, you can win. If you can read the roulette history, you can predict where the ball's going to land the next round.

Which also means, if you don't win, then you're not smart enough or your mind's not flexible enough. If you don't win at blackjack, your skill level is not enough. And that is a hard pill for anyone with a sense of pride to swallow. Some people thinks that after 10 years of gambling blackjack, there's no reason they should lose like that! It angers them, makes them blind and rash. And tragedy happens. Addicts cannot stand losing because it's more than the money. The loss is messing with their pride too. And that, is what keeps gamblers coming back for more and more. If they win, they think they're good, and they gamble again. If they lose, they can't swallow the defeat, and they come back for vengeance.

Mistake 3: Over-estimation of your knowledge, skills and chances

There's the prideful addicts and then there's the overly optimistic addicts. In general, you'd find gamblers an optimistic bunch. Which makes sense, since pessimistic people would never bother with the empty promises of riches gambling can potentially give to them cos they'd never believe it anyway. If they do, they're not pessimistic people. And the thing about optimistic people, is that they tend to overestimate everything in gambling. They overestimate their knowledge and skills, the impact their knowledge and skills have on the results of the game and also the chances. Now put 50 people in a room. Get them all to write a day in the year. Bet that nobody would have a duplicate day in the year. 366 potential choices right? only 50 days out of the basket right? But did you know that the chances of not having duplicate days are less than 1%? Meaning there's more than 99% chance you'd lose?

Mistake 4: making mistakes 1, 2 and 3 over and over again

That's why you become an addict. Cos you just keep dancing through the vicious cycle over and over again and losing more and more and more. Before you lose everything, read the secrets of the universe more often. Or specifically, the next part.

Why most casinos will never lose money

Casinos play on the above mentioned weaknesses of gamblers and make them coming back for more, again and again. They set up roulette history trackers to give you the illusion that you can tell what the next result is going to be (totally preposterous if you think about it), they give you free food, drinks and toilets so you'd never need to step a foot out of the table, where there's a danger you might realise the truth about gambling, and they have super professional card dealers who seem to mock at you with their superb skills of handling the cards. And they entice you to the jackpot machine with a list of recent winners and how much they have won and they make you ask the question,"why can't it be you?"

And for one, more simple, more powerful reason, casinos will always win your money. Because they have more capital than you do and they're always accessible, cos they're just...there. Let me give you a simple example. Say, there's a game or throwing a fair dice. 1,2 or 3 considered small and 4,5 and 6 considered big. Let's keep things simple, and let's say you just choose to stick to one of the 2 choices. Say, small. Now by the laws of probability, if 100 games were played, you'd win 50 times and the casino'd win 50 times. see it another way, you'd lose 50 times and the casino would lose 50 times. Now, the difference is, the casino CAN afford to lose 50 times whereas by the 50th loss, you might have to pawn your trousers to pay the casino. Let's make it even simpler. Say you show hand. One bet. Say you win this time round. The casino can afford to pay you, and have another round. So you show hand again. You lose. Enjoy eating trash on the streets. Although this is an extremely simplified version of actual gambling, it is nonetheless a true version of the prolonged results of actual gambling. So you see, as the number of times you gamble goes to infinity, the more easily you are going to lose everything.

So now you say, well, doesn't that mean there's a optimum time to stop? If in the above example I won the first show hand and I stop, wouldn't I win? Unfortunately, no gambler can ever see a right time to stop. If they win, they think they can win more (cos they think it's by their skills or whatever superstition they've won and by their skills and superstition they can win again) and if they lose, all the more they'd try to recoup their losses. So you see, gamblers would just crawl their way back to the casino again and again and again, whether they win or lose. Doesn't help that the casino always stays put, so anytime you wanna gamble, you know where to go. Therefore the only time you can stop gambling is when you've absolutely no money left. Which is why casinos take all the trouble to take away any obstacle that might stop you from gambling other than when you've lost all your money. Food, drinks, toilets, you name it, they'll get it.

How to stop the addiction to gambling then?

Now, if you want advice like, get friends and family to help you and keep you in check and all that, you can call a counselling hotline now. I'm sure they have one. check your phone book or something. Anyway, what I have here is a few steps that appeal only to your sense of reason and logic. If you're smart enough, you can get it and you can kick the habit.

See gambling as it really is.

Don't be deluded by illusions anymore. Like I said, nothing raises false hopes more than gambling and when they come crashing down, they'll take you with it. How many people have you seen became homeless, hopeless and committed suicide due to gambling? And how often do you see casinos expanding and franchising into other regions? It's quite easy to see who's money is flowing to who, doesn't it? The only people who can make a living out of gambling are the casinos, period. No free lunches in this world, my good people. Even casinos have to spend lots and lots of money and effort to get the capital and train the labour to make money.

See winning and losing a bet as it really is. My friend, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose the bet. The moment you put down your money onto the betting table, you've already lost, cos you're already deluded as mentioned in the above paragraph. You can win this bet and be in 7th heaven, but you're really one the highway to hell. Because it's not losing 10 games in streak that's scary. That's like a slap that might wake a gambler to his senses. It's about the casino winning 50 games and letting you win 10 games intermittently during the 50 games that's scary, cos everytime you have doubt about winning, a win washes it all away, and you're brought back to the delusion that you can actually have a nett win. And so you keep playing, till you lose everything.

See the stakes you're really laying on the line. Not just the money, but the relationships too. All the love you've been missing out on, all the thrills in life, all the fun, all the things you can actually get. All the time and all the effort and all the youth lost. All the people you can see, all the people you can speak to, all the things you can enjoy. If these are not enough, open your eyes and see that you're putting your pride on the line. Unless you can tell me that when you lose your bet, you can walk away feeling nothing or still smile, then there's no doubt you've put your pride on the line. See that this pride you've gambled away is what really brings you back to the chopping board everytime you try to quit and can't. It's the most dangerous silent killer in gambling.

See that skills and knowledge bring you only that far. Yeah, you can know all about the probability or winning and losing and you can be really good at mahjong or what not, with the most flexible minds, but you have to remember that it doesn't change a thing with the cards or tiles you've been dealt with. You can be the smartest fellow on earth but you can't win at blackjack if you only have 15 points and the next card on the deck is a queen card. You can know that your probability of winning is 55% but you might still play 10 games and not win a single one.

Good skills and knowledge about a game only helps the game go faster, and therefore help you lose faster, if the cards you're getting are not good. And gamble enough, you WILL definitely be able to get a series of bad cards that your skills and knowledge will not be able to save, and this series will bring your finances down to a big fat zero. Remember, it just takes one bad series of cards to bring you down. It just has to happen once. Don't even think you'd stop and minimise your losses once you discover you've been hit by this bad series. Cos you'd never know you've been hit, until you've lost everything and look back and realise. As mentioned above, gambling clouds your thinking. Because if it's not clouded, you wouldn't be gambling.

Understand that this is the best time to stop

You know, if you've followed me up to here, you'd know there's an optimum point to stop gambling. You'd win by maximising your wins or minimising your losses. Understand that no one knows the future, and therefore anyone can say anything about it. If you've won money or lost some money already, keep telling yourself, "all my bets following this are going to be lost. I'm going to lose, I'm going to lose and I'm going to lose." If you never gamble again, this statement can be taken as true, since no one can prove it untrue. On the contrary, if you're interested in proving it to be true, go ahead and gamble. I assure you, eventually, you're going to be flat broke and still be stuck with the addiction. And it's going to sting even worse now that you'd have the words, "I told you so" churning in your head. The truth is, you can take this as the optimum point to stop. You don't have to lose any more money if you stop right here, right now. You can still get your life back. Start being pessimstic about your odds of winning to become optimistic about getting your life back on track. THIS is the optimum point to stop.

Gambling is all about irony. Because to truly win, you must be able to admit defeat. You have to submit and say you've lost, before you can walk away and you'd win then, because you'd have foiled gambling's plan to take away all your money, family, friends and life. Admitting you've lost is the best way to kill the sin of pride and greed. There's no better cure for greed of money than a good, old, sobering loss, which would make you wish for nothing more than what you need to get by everyday.

*The above article is talking about gambling addicts and does not condemn light and the purely social act gambling. Simplest diagnosis of whether you're an addict is if you can walk away from the table after you've lost. An alternative is to ask a close friend or family if you're one.

P.S. I've also been talking about Christianity for the entire article actually

Eg.
"
Mistake 1: Putting too much stake onto sin

Mistake 2: Misunderstanding about what the stakes and what it implies when you win or lose

...You see sin is a funny thing. The more time you spend with it, the less you actually see it as it really is. It clouds your mind and conceals its sinful nature behind your wrath at losing or ecstasy at winning. It brings your attention to the results and not the process. When that happens, it'd bring it right to its deepest embrace without you ever knowing it. In fact, it'd kick you to the deepest pits of hell by bringing you to seventh heaven.

...As I explain this, you'd see what I mean by how sinners are deluded by the actual meaning of winning or losing a bet. Now, the greatest lie that sin has ever produced is to make you believe that you have greater control over it than you actually do. It made you believe that your skill alone is all it takes to win it. *you can't. you need God's help*

...And that is a hard pill for anyone with a sense of pride to swallow...It angers them, makes them blind and rash. And tragedy happens....

Mistake 3: Over-estimation of your knowledge, skills and chances

...They overestimate their knowledge and skills, the impact their knowledge and skills have on the results of everything and also the chances....
*For the Lord said, a sower may work hard but without the blessings from God, no seed he plants will grow*

See sin as it really is.

Don't be deluded by illusions anymore. Like I said, nothing raises false hopes more than sin and when they come crashing down, they'll take you with it. How many people have you seen became homeless, hopeless and committed suicide due to sin? It's quite easy to see what sin is doing, doesn't it?

See winning and losing in life as it really is. My friend, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose. The moment you put down your money onto the games in life, you've already lost, cos you're already deluded as mentioned in the above paragraph. You can 'win' a game in life and be in 7th heaven, but you're really on the highway to hell. Because it's not losing 10 different things in life in streak that's scary. That's like a slap that might wake a sinner to his senses. It's about the losing 50 things in life and winning 10 things intermittently and you're brought back to the delusion that what you might be able to have a net win in life. And so you keep playing, till you lose everything.
*Because all games in life end only in death and no one can take any of the winnings away*

See the stakes you're really laying on the line. Not just the life after this one, but the relationships and experiences in this one too. All the love you've been missing out on, all the thrills in life, all the fun, all the things you can actually get. All the time and all the effort and all the youth lost. All the people you can see, all the people you can speak to, all the things you can enjoy. All the positive changes you can make with God's strength and wisdom. If these are not enough, open your eyes and see that you're putting your pride above all... See that this pride is what really brings you back to the chopping board everytime you try to quit sin and submit to God but can't. It's the most dangerous silent killer in sin.

See that skills and knowledge bring you only that far. Yeah, you can know all about everything and you can be really good at stuff or what not, with the most flexible minds, but you have to remember that it doesn't change a thing with the situations in life you've been dealt with. You can be the strongest fellow on earth but you can't win if you don't find strength in God to love your not easily loved parents or siblings.

...Cos you'd never know you've been hit, until you've lost everything and look back and realise. As mentioned above, sin clouds your thinking. Because if it's not clouded, you wouldn't be sinning.

Understand that this is the best time to stop

You know, if you've followed me up to here, you'd know there's an optimum point to stop sinning. You'd win by minimising your losses. Understand that no one knows the future...if you're interested in proving it to be true, go ahead and sin. I assure you, eventually, you're going to be dead and still be stuck with the aftermath of sinning. And it's going to sting even worse now that you'd have the words, "I told you so" churning in your head. The truth is, you can take this as the optimum point to stop. You don't have to lose any more if you stop right here, right now. You can still get your life back. Start being pessimstic about your odds of winning by your own strength to become optimistic about getting your life back on track with God's. THIS is the optimum point to stop.

Sin is all about irony. Because to truly win, you must be able to admit defeat. You have to submit and say you've lost to sin, before you can walk away and you'd win then, because you'd have foiled sin's plan to take away all your money, family, friends and life. Admitting you've lost is the best way to kill the sins of pride, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, sloth and greed. There's no better cure for sin than a good, old, sobering loss, which would make you wish (from God) for nothing more than what you need to get by everyday. *the daily bread for the daily carrying of the cross* "

2009-01-31T22:35:00.002+08:00

The first step to committing everything to God is to understand that nothing we have is ours except a choice.

Not our body, made from dust of the earth, nor any properties that has our name on it, and not even our names, were not given to us. They are all merely tools given to us to do something with, but owned by someone else. We're like carpenters given a toolbox and raw materials that belong to some other big Boss. Neither the toolbox, nor the raw materials nor whatever end product we come up with belongs to us. Because all wisdom, creativity and skills were given to us by a big Boss too, so we can't even claim craftsmanship.

BUT

what end product we come up with can affect others and influence events. And all we have that can truly be called our own (not because we made it or deserve it, but by the grace of the big Boss it was given wholly to us and us alone) would be free will. Free will threfore gives us the right to make judgements for ourselves. And we make judgements, because we need judgements to make choices, for ourselves. Because free will and judgement are ours, therefore, the choices are ours and ours alone too.

AND

therefore, in this life, all we have are choices. We have to make a choice to how to use the tools, and what kind of end product we're trying to achieve, although, good or bad, the end product will only bear the name of our big Boss. And maybe because good or bad, the product will bear the name of the big Boss, that's why we should perhaps think carefully about what kind of end product we're trying to achieve. But always, the choice is yours to make, cos it was given to your ownership. You'll jsut have to answer for them later, because what is yours, is also your responsibility.

Conclusions:

We can make choices. The choice is purely our own. We can choose to believe or not believe, to follow or not follow, to do or not to do, to see or not to see, or even to choose to choose or not to choose. One life to make all these choices, based on logical or illogical judgements.

Nothing other than choice belongs to us. Not your hands and feet, not their dexterity, not your creativity, not my wisdom or intelligence, not any natural abilities you have, not your ability to learn and therefore, not the skills you've picked up or wisdom you've gained. Therefore do not pity these tools that the big Boss has taken back or not given to you. For you're always left with enough to perform your tasks, and count it not as loss, for we never owned them.

One life to make one choice to believe in one God. Everything else is secondary.

P.S. you can choose not to believe the above statement, but before that, do consider the possibility that you'd be brought forth to the big Boss one day answer for your choice. because it's your choice.

2009-01-28T03:19:00.002+08:00

A lecturer once told us,

"The problem with you people is that you guys are too afraid of making mistakes to even attempt anything. That's why you can't progress."

Excerpt from an enlightening email:

"I get to be myself, without thinking much about my actions whether they're right or wrong, but just being me. I feel so much at ease here... think that's because I know my family will always love and accept me for who I am and correct me if I'm wrong so I don't worry about making mistakes"

We need to accept ourselves for who we are. Both our strengths and our flaws. Be not ashamed to admit your flaws to yourself, and there is no need to act humble by hiding attempting to cover up your strengths. Be humbled by the mere fact that though you may be good at a certain thing, there are other areas you need to progress in. Also be humbled by the fact that everyone can and will make mistakes.

1. Have courage to try new things in life.

2. Have courage to trust in others to correct you when you do wrong.

Courage is what we need to take the leap of faith, to progress in life.

2009-01-28T02:53:00.002+08:00

My view is that everyone is family, not just Christians because we are all common in our sins and united in our salvation. There are no samaritans and jews and gentiles. There's only family. If ever one day we can achieve this kind of understanding, we would all know Jesus.

So anyway, a lot of what I put up on the last entry were based on actual grievances she had with Christians. How she felt they're so arrogant, hypocritical and judgemental. How she felt churches are just a big scam. What really struck me was that Mad Dino made an exact same complaint to me before about how he felt evangelistic christians are being disrespectful by preaching to them even though they saw that they've subscribed to other religions. She said exactly the same thing. And Mad Dino was asking me if christians think chinese people are easy meat cos they always only preached to the chinese. Which is true to a certain extent...I've never seen any evangelistic people preach to Malays. Of course, that could spark off a really nasty argument, but we shouldn't have any reason to think it wouldn't be the same with Chinese. Anyway, I believe a lot of grievances people have with Christians are due to misunderstandings of Christian practices and a lack of sensitivity on our part. Because we always think, Oh, my God is the one true God and we walk around with a swagger. But God doesn't love the arrogant, but the humble. Worst thing is when we say we are proud of our God and walk around with that swagger. Of course our God deserves to be glorified. But obviously not with our swagger in our speeches and walk. When Jesus came He didn't bow down to anyone but He also didn't walk or talk arrogantly. He rode on a donkey, for Pete's sake. He was blunt when He needed to be, and sensitive when He needed to be. Many of us as Christians don't seem to understand that.

I really started seeing us in a different light, from a different perspective. And I was really angry and disappointed at how terribly misled some Christians are, and how others like me, have failed so terribly as a Christian. A lot of us are still blind to love. Being Christian is not anything about just feeling good and forgiven and happy and have a lot of nice friends who don't drink or smoke. It's not just about going to church and listen to the pastor teach and go for cells and have complicated discussions about the scriptures. You can't understand Jesus' heart just by reading about what He did and said. You need to do what He did and what He said. That's why He said carry your cross and follow me. Because if we don't carry our crosses like He did, we'd never understand his heart. Christianity is about everyday life and how we make a change to it with love. God is love. Love is from God. We can make things good with love. It's not just about serving in church. It's about serving the community. You serve in church by serving the community. You love God by loving your neighbour. It is the most important commandment in the Bible, Jesus said. It is ONE commandment. It's not 2 separate commandments i.e. Love God. Love thy neighbour. A good church gathers the needs of the community, so it's kinda like a middle man that provides avenues for people to serve in the community. But why serve in the community, when your own family needs you first?

In the final analysis, I am most grieved because I look around and I see people tearing their own homes apart, their friendships apart, their world apart all in the name of Christianity. I cannot believe my God is happy with this. I cannot believe that my God wants Christians to run away from non-Christians and turn their backs on them. I cannot believe that my God is one who adds grief to the world. On the contrary He ends any grief that He meets. My God came from his heaven into this mess we've made on Earth to save us; we as Christians can't save anyone by hiding in church and trying to feel the joy of the Lord...We gotta dive down into the dirt and point the road to the lost ones not as one with authority, but as one who understands that we are still as equally dirty as they are. We guide the drowning people at sea to the lifeboat not as a rescuer from the lifeboat (with the power to save) but as fellow drowning people, who happen to know the way to the lifeboat. Just because we know the way to the lifeboat, doesn't make us or our situation any better than theirs. We're as wet and still in as much danger of drowning as the lost ones. But the knowledge of the way to the lifeboat gives us the strength to carry on, and makes us feel safe and gives us the peace needed to help others in the most trying circumstances. Most imptly, we don't think about who's better than who...a lot of people are still drowning. There's only one job at hand that we should focus on, which is to let as many people know where the lifeboat is as possible. Whether they choose to believe us or not is their choice.

Because I sincerely believe in my heart that God would not destroy our relationships in the name of Christianity. I couldn't believe that God would tear you and me apart due to Him, especially considering He is the one who put us together. Our God is a God of love. This is, in my opinion, the most basic chapter in the Bible. If we can't even master this, forget about the other lessons in the Bible. And to be sure, it is not an easy topic to learn about. There are people who have spent all their lives learning how to love. But if we call ourselves Christians, this is the least we must learn.

Just to clarify, I am not angry or disappointed at Christianity or Christians, specific ones or as a whole. I don't feel like Christ has failed us, but much like the other way round instead, that we, with a strong emphasis on me also, have failed Christ. But I understand and accept that we are mere mortals, and though we are Christians, thereby proclaiming that we will follow Christ, we are still struggling to be what we need to be. As a fellow drowning person, I can be struggling to stay afloat while pointing people to the lifeboat. Just cos I know where it is, doesn't mean I will suddenly have no problems staying afloat. But stay with Christ long enough, and He'll teach you how to tread water. And stay with Him longer still, He'll be able to throw you a life vest. With a life vest, now you are so much more convincing when you point people to the lifeboat. And then when the time is right, He will reel you into the boat.

God (love) will teach you how to tread water when you're drowning in life. More love with give you a life vest. And love will be what will eventually reel you in to safety from the tumultuous waters of life.

2009-01-26T16:52:00.002+08:00

This is not going to be an easy entry for anyone to swallow. There won't be any organisation to the ramblings, there will be no punches pulled, and hopefully, a lot of people will get hurt. The good kind of hurt. The stinging kind of hurt you feel when someone slaps you across your cheek and wakes you up from a dose of excess alcohol. I hope there will be a hangover. And then the healing can start.

Let me start by saying, if I had a choice, I'd prefer not to be called a Christian. I read somewhere about being a Christ-follower. I'd prefer very much to be known as a Christ-follower instead of a Christian. But for reasons I hope I'll remember to explain later, I shall continue to be known as a Christian.

You see, many Christians in our world today, as in roman calendar year 2009 (in case this script is ever found in some distant future by whoever), are screwed up nincompoops. We're crap. We're screwing up a lot of parts of the world at various levels. We're doing everything the Bible tells us not to. We're tarnishing Jesus' name. We're turning people away from God. Sometimes you wonder if the Devil has actually been retrenched, considering Christian zealots and fanatics are so much more efficient at turning people away from salvation.

'What nonsense!' is what any Christian reading this right now must be thinking.
'How is it possible? Everyone Christian friend of mine is so kind and gracious and so passionate and zealous for the Lord! We're doing his work! We've sacrificed so much for Him and His glory!'

No doubt, there are fantastic Christians around. No doubt there are true Christ-followers around, which may be our saving grace. But as surely as there are the true ones around, there are those that will call out "Lord, Lord! Have we not cast out demons in your name and preached your word in your name? Why do you forsake us?" and will be answered, "I have never known you." At this point in time, I suppose I should move on to some substantiation.

*for Christian fellows* Please open your eyes. And see as the world sees us. I hope you will be appalled.

ARROGANCE
You know, I always warn anyone who would listen, mainly my brother, that arrogance is the one sin we need to be most aware of and put up our guard against. It's like carbon monoxide -- colourless, odourless and absolutely poisonous. You'd never know it when you get it, and when someone tries to alert you to it, arrogance by itself, will prevent you from listening to criticisms of your puffed up pride. It's like the perfect virus or spyware that could counter every single anti-virus programme. Now, you might be saying,
"Come on, you're over-exaggerating. Arrogance is just over confidence, and confidence can be a very good thing most of the time!"
My friend, if you think so, then please let me remind you that arrogance was what brought angels tumbling down from the Heavens straight into hell. Arrogance is the father of devils.

And many Christians are undoubtedly arrogant. No? Listen to anyone who could tell you honestly about their opinions of Christians. And you don't even have to look to non-Christians to tell you that. Christians can find Christians arrogant about their religion.

First, let me start with the most common grievance non-Christians have with the arrogance of Christians. Where I'm staying, Evangelistic Christians like to go around flats or houses, unit by unit, to preach the Word. Fantastic zeal and courage for the Lord! you say. "How disrespectful!" is what most people subjected to the trouble of having to entertain a stranger at their door think. You see, many of these people have subscribed to other religions, with many pagan idols in their homes. To them, it is extremely disrespectful that Christians appear to just trample over their present religion and keep pushing them the idea that Jesus is the only way, and there is only one God around. Surprisingly, the idea that only one God exist in this universe, and that salvation can only be attained through this one God does not offend people of other religions. Instead, it was the fact that a Christian came to their door, saw the idols and hence, knew that they subscribed to other religions already, still pushed ahead with preaching and trying to get these people to church. Now, what's wrong with that? Isn't it praise-worthy that we're trying to save these people from walking the wrong path and leading them to the right way again?!

Look, when a Christian does the above of pushing through with the preaching even though there is clear evidence that the other person had made a choice on his religion for now already, the Christian might think, "Well, i'm showing him that I'm proud of my God, cos He is the one and only. These pagan idols...well, why should I respect them?" Well, my friend, when you do that, you're not being disrespectful to the pagan idols. You're being absolutely disrespectful to the person who subscribed to the religion. Because you're saying he made a mistake. He chose the wrong path. he followed the wrong God/s. He's digging his own grave cos he's not getting salvation. If that fellow's sensitive, he might even think that you're implying he's stupid. Now, there's one thing about telling someone he's wrong. And that is, you have to be superior to him. A science teacher can tell a science student his equations are wrong and the student will be able to accept it. A fellow science student who is on the same level as another can tell the student his equations are wrong and depending on how long they have known each other and trust each other, the second student might recheck his equations. A stranger comes up to your door one day and starts telling you that what you've been worshipping for the past 20 years is wrong...Well, you're just being presumptuous and just plain arrogant because you implied that you are of higher authority or capabilities to judge what is right and wrong. Yep, I'm so sure that fellow will be so open-minded to your preaching now.

Have you ever noticed that in these recent years, there is almost no longer any door-to-door salesman from any company anymore? I wonder why. Maybe because it has an extremely low success rate? So what makes anyone think that this door-to-door evangelism is the best way to go about bringing people to Jesus?! And you'd rejoice if from this method you get maybe 2 or 3 people to come to church on Sunday cos of your undying insistence that they do that. Yay for the 2 or 3 brothers and sisters who might be joining us in salvation. Yay for the 2 or 3000 people we've pushed further away from Jesus.

My opinion is that quality, not quantity is what christians should be doing. Why do you do evangelism? Is it because that will make Jesus happy and you want to make Jesus happy? Yeah, that's great. But why would Jesus be happy? Because another life is saved? Well, then you make darn sure that that life is really and totally saved. How often is it that from mass evangelism people get like 300 brothers and sisters joining the church only to have them turn away after 3 months? What, you don't find it funny that you're hoping that by talking to them for 3 hours outside their door on your first meeting, they will start becoming interested in Christianity? How many miracles did Jesus perform and How many teachings did He give before some of the Jews start to believe in Him? And here we are, 2000 years away from Him without anything to prove to the people that He's still around with us and we're hoping 3 hours outside a door is all it takes to convert them? Ask any married couple how long it takes to convert/ change a person. Every single one of them will tell you a lifetime. If you want to do evangelism, then do it the way it needs to be done. Use your entire lifetime to be an example, a witness, and use your actions to bring people to God. Don't take the easy way out of using 3 hours of cheap talk to try to bring people to God. Don't look for 300 or 4000. Look for just one first. Bring one to truly know Jesus. If every life is important, each one means everything. And do it not to make Jesus happy. Do it because you love the other person and you want to help him/her go back to God. Then you can understand why Jesus is so happy instead of just doing it to make Him happy without truly knowing why He would be happy.

Second complaint of a non-christian: Christians push so hard sometimes. They'd preach and preach and preach and drag you to church and pray for you and bless you and all those type of nonsense. Firstly, I've never asked to be blessed. Why are they so arrogant pushing all these blessings onto me? Whoever asked for their prayers and blessings? If you want to bless me, then just do it. Why tell me? I don't care. It seems to me they're saying this just to make themselves look good or something. And then the christian churches are like triad gangs. You can get in, you can't get out. Once you get baptised in the church, you can't leave or change church. They won't be happy if you leave. And they imposed laws that you have to give part of your salary to the church. Then they use it to build super high rise, super modern churches, I even heard this XXX church had a swimming pool in it. And where does all this money come from? From christians who might even have problem making ends meet!

God's word only called us to be a witness, did He not? God's word only told us to spread the word that our sins are forgiven, did it not? God's word told us to bring people around to Christians gently, did it not? So why do we have lawyers and salesman trying to argue and cajole people into swallowing the Word? Witnesses only answer questions. They tell the truth of what happened, of how God touched their lives. They do not argue about the truth of the Word, they do not sell the idea of God to people. They just tell it like it is. Then, whether the people listening are willing to believe of not, that will be left up to them. Why do we have people pestering and pestering and keep bugging people to come for church and to accept the Word? It is true that God, the holy and Almighty God came down from the heavens and humbled himself and reached out to us first. But Jesus had never cheapened himself and made people believe in him by incessant pestering and by pushing people to accept things that they do not want. If you noticed, people come to Jesus for miracles and for teachings. Jesus never shoved his words down anyone's throat. As witnesses, we are called to answer only when someone has a question. As a messenger of the great commission, we inform, but do not attempt to sway the listener's decision. The problem arises when Christians attempt to convince others about the truth of Christianity. The zeal for God and for people's salvation is not a problem. The problem is that the wisdom you're using to convince people does not come from God. And if it is merely the limited human intelligence trying to explain Christianity to others, then there will be limitations and Christianity will be found wanting.

As Christians, we can point people to the road. But we have to understand that we are travelling on the road too and it's not like we have reached the end. As a Christian, we're struggling to follow Christ. We're carrying our crosses everyday and jsut because we are Christians, doesn't mean we are perfect. We are not the hypocrites that the world sees us as -- because it's not that we say one thing and do another, but we say what is supposed to be done, and we're still trying to achieve what needs to be done. When Christians say we need to love one another and when we are unloving in our everyday lives, it's not that we're being hypocritical, but we are trying to learn to love and just simply haven't achieved it yet. A hypocrite says one thing and does another. A christian says one thing and though is doing another, is trying hard to achieve the thing that we've mentioned. Christianity is a road, a path, a journey. Being baptised or accepting Christ is not the end, it is merely the beginning. When we are called to be witnesses, don't act like we've reached the end. Don't act like you've seen heaven or God or can even begin to fathom what they're like. Don't try to entice anyone with the promise of Heaven. Tell them about Christianity as the journey is like -- tough, but joyous. Tell them your reasons as they are; be honest with others and you can be honest with yourself. have you been touched by God? How? When? Or are you on the road with the hope of being touched by God? And leave others to decide for themselves. Leave them the option of choosing whether to believe it or not. Don't defend God, for He does not need your defence. For your truth as a witness is already the best defence. If someone asks you,"How can you prove God exists?" I'd say," I can't". Then He'll ask,"Then how do you know he exists?" and I'd answer,"Cos I can feel Him. He'd touched me before." And there will be a whole series of questions after that. The above was an actual conversation I had with a friend. Not saying my answers are model answers, but they're there merely to illustrate a point.

About posh churches. Why? Why are there so posh churches?! Yeah, for the glory of God yadda yadda. You can tell me that in the 2nd century when they were building all the massive churches for the Vatican and stuff. It was great, awesome and inspiring. It gives Christians and catholics something tangible, not to substitute for God, but add to His glory. and it was awesome because most buildings in the second century wasn't that high, that tall and that majestic. Fast forward to 2009. Every single building is tall, huge, towering and sleek. And our churches are exactly that. Who can look at our landscape these days and point out a church that is clear and distinct from the surrounding buildings? In the second century, church architecture and art was ahead and leading the trend. In 2009, our churches are following the trend. For God's glory? No, don't answer. I'm more interested in another question. So, you spend 30 million building a new and modern looking church with glass panels in the middle of some town. For God's glory right? What non-christians would like to know is,"Why on earth would God be glorified by an expensive building that looks just like any corporate building and is built on the money that some poor fellow was forced to give as a result of the church's rule when he has a mother who's holding 2 jobs and could really put that kind of money to good use?" Then I'm sure many Christians would quote the example of the woman who gave all her savings to Jesus and Jesus complimented her and said she had actually given more. So if you earn 200 bucks, give 200 bucks to church. And Jesus would smile on you, is it? Well, if you noticed, this case in the Bible about the woman giving all her possesions to Jesus has a similar counterpart in the 5 loaves and 2 fishes case. The little boy gave all he had and Jesus blessed it and it multiplied. But after that what happened? Jesus collected back all the crumbs and made 12 baskets of it. He didn't waste anything. That's thrift. And that's hard to see from the 30 million dollar church that has ornaments and posh toilets for aesthetic sake but not extra rooms for cell activities or chairs for the old and aged to rest.

Do you know love?

Complaint of a non-Christian: I have a non-Christian friend who's holding 2 jobs just trying to meet ends meet. She has 2 daughters and they're both going to a church. They can say ,"Oh, I feel so happy and forgiven and comfortable in church" and they can spend all their time meeting their friends and having a good time. And what about their mother? They moved out of their house and didn't even bother to visit her at all in these past few years. They have time to spend all their money and time in church with their friends and not their mother?!

What're you going to quote me this time? What? That Jesus said,"I have come to set daughter against father etc. and a man's enemies is his own household...for whoever loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy to follow me"? So that makes you want to turn your back against your parents? Against your family? So this sacrifice in the name of Jesus is absolutely legitimate and the pain the above daughters put the mother through is perfectly fine cos the Lord said this is so?! So what if Jesus said a man's enemies are those of his own household? Did he not say Love your enemies? So he said those who loves his father and mother more than me are not worthy of me. Did He say that therefore you shall not love your father and mother at all? Tell me, if God is love, and you have never known love all your life, or shown it to people who truly need it, please, tell me just how certain your salvation is? Look me in the eye and tell me how pleased Jesus is with you. Tell me that turning your back on your parents is what He commanded and tell me how well you have presented Christianity to the world. Tell me how to reconcile one of the ten commandments, "Honour thy parents" with your actions. Even the non-christians, or as we like to say, the lost sheep, can see something is wrong with such actions, tell me what is blinding Christians from seeing such flaws in their own actions. One, either they're not following Christ at all, or two, they've been blinded by the lack of knowledge of Jesus' heart.
"And I will declare to them, 'I never knew you'."

Complaint of a non-Christian: Christians judge. They'd look at you with those eyes and they look down on you or with a different kind of eye when they find out you're non-Christian. They'd tell you it'd be much better if you were a Christian.

And we're back at arrogance. Many Christians judge and some of them are not shy to express their judgements. Now, at this point, I just want to talk about the two different kinds of judgements. One, you judge for yourself. Two, you judge for others. Of course we all have to judge. We have to judge for ourselves, what is good, waht is bad, what is more effective, what is more efficient, what is right, what is wrong, what is the principle I wish to follow etc. We have to judge to make a choice. And we judge for ourselves so we make a choice for ourselves. And then there's the condescending judging others for others. We judge them and tell them they're not good. we make the judgement about them for them.
"Hey, it's better if you're a Christian."
"Hey, it's better for you to know the scriptures better."
"Hey, it's better for you to be a more zealous Christian."
"Hey, hey, Christian, it's better for you to shut up."
Now I wouldn't say this kind of judgements have no value at all. On the contrary, they're very useful for helping people discover flaws about themselves. They're like a sort of feedback mechanism that one can have. They tell us about things we've never seen or heard about ourselves. Clearly, for them to work, one has to be open-minded and receptive to comments and criticisms. That way, we improve. Every single trade or character or skill is improved by listening to others' criticisms and correcting ourselves. However, care should be taken to not take every single of these comments that came your way as gospel. Evaluate the comments yourselves and decide for yourself whether you agree with it or not. But enough about the receipent. I'm talking about the one offering this judgemental kind of comments. As we have seen from above, you can't prove or put yourself in a position above another when it comes to religion. Firstly, we have no such system, secondly, as Christians, we're merely travellers on the road too, not people who have reached the end. We are not allowed and do not have the right capacities to judge. Only God can judge on the judgement day. Who are we to say, it's better for you to be a Christian? What if God had other plans for this non-Christian? Perhaps God wants him/her to convert when they're at another point in their lives so that everything would fit in the grand scheme of things? If you think you're so helpful with your judgemental comments, why don't you tell Saul when he was still prosecuting Christians that it's better for him to become Christian? If you did and he listened, would he have met Jesus? Would he have changed and became Paul and be as great an apostle as he became?

We're only humans. Christian or not, we're on the same standing as everyone else on this Earth. Like CS Lewis wrote in Narnia through Aslan, "You're a child of Adam and Eve, something you should feel honoured and ashamed of." Therefore, when people of the same standing wants to offer judgemental comments, please at least be polite enough to ask the other party if he/she wants it if you don't quite know whether he/she is quite receptive to comments or not. Because we are no better than them. You want to help remove the speck in your brother's eye, remove the plank in yours first.

Just one last thing before I stop this long post. God created this place and put us here. Everything we have belongs to Him. All the gold and all the silver. All the sky and all of the sun and the rain. Nothing we have here is our own. But he did give all of us one thing. One thing that we can truly call ours, that no one else can take. He gave us a choice. Commonly called free will, this is ours and ours alone. everyone gets to make their own choice. You get to make yours, I get to make mine. I choose Christianity. You might not choose Christianity. I might not agree with you, because it implies that I'd lose you for eternity. Meaning, after this life, I'd never get to see you again, talk to you again or hear your laugh again. That's of course, assuming I don't end up in hell also. There's an ongoing debate about whether salvation is guaranteed for Christians. Painful and difficult as it is, I can't take the choice away from you or make it for you. God gave you the choice. I'm in no position to take it from you. Christians have to stop trying to take away from others, what God gave to them. Otherwise our sheer arrogance in trying to force the choice of others would quite assuredly plunge us to the depths where the first angels fell.

I am in grief. Not just from writing the contents of this post, but reading it. Because, my friend, I am everything of the Christian that I have just blasted at above. The most obvious thing in this case, would be my arrogance in writing this post. As you can very obviously see, I have made many many judgemental comments about fellow Christians, churches and possibly pastors. Maybe some of my arguments do not hold, or in time, I will find out the answers to the queries I've posted. The stories I have heard are no doubt only from a few perspectives and may not truly represent the situation. This is also written by me, and therefore holds a certain bias in the judgements made based on my character and history. Unless, of course, it is as I have prayed, that all these words are God's and not mine.

But no doubt as a human writing this, I have made judgements about other Christians, for Christians. I have been arrogant. But I had this overpowering urge to write this and I felt it must be made known. A curious question popped into my mind a few days ago. If a man who is going to commit suicide due to his hideous looks asks me a question,"Am I ugly?", how should I answer? If I answer the truth, he'd kill himself and take the express train to hell. If I say no, I'd be directly lying and denying Jesus. For that, I might be sent to hell. If I don't answer, he'd still commit suicide. If I tried to talk to him about anything else, he'd commit suicide. How should I choose? I know he's asking the wrong question about his plight, but I can't divert him to the right questions at the present moment. How do I choose?

"He who loves his father and mother more than me is not worthy of me."

I believe I would lie. I'd tell him no, he's not ugly. Get him to calm down. Put his perspectives right. Let him ask the right questions, find the right answers. And hopefully, he'd find his way to heaven one day. As for me, I might go to hell. Or I might get saved by grace. It'd be His call. Which brings me back to why I wrote this article. If by condemning myself to hell with all these judgements I can help Christians understand what non-Christians are thinking, then I've made my choice. This is a blog post. It is here if you want to read it, and with a click, you won't need to read this if you do not wish to. I'm not shoving this down anyone's throat. Come to think of it, given the obscurity of my blog, I might have written this more for my own venting of frustrations than actually bringing all of Christianity's mistakes to light. I'm sure CS Lewis did a better job of that already anyway.

Someone suspected that she might have been too Pharisee-like in the past. I assured her recently that she wasn't a Pharisee. For you see, Pharisees made 2 major mistakes. One, they added their own laws and rules to God's word making life crazy difficult for people. You do that, and how do you expect people to follow the heart of God when they cannot even take a step without breaking one of those rules that Pharisees set? By preventing people from following God, Pharisees are sending them the other way...to the devil. Secondly, the Pharisees were hypocrites. They did not study God's laws or uphold the rituals for God and His glory. They did it for their own. That's why I told that someone that just because you got too carried away with upholding God's glory and following God's word, you're not a Pharisee. Especially if you're doing it for God's glory and you're trying to follow God, you can't be a Pharisee even if you wanted to.

Then the question came back to me. And I noticed that I could be the Pharisee. I question myself the motives of blogging about Christianity, about reading Christian books, joining cell, doing Bible study. There had been no questions in the past who I was doing it for. There was God, and there was me. I wanted to learn more about God, and considering I was pretty isolated during that time, I was certainly not doing it for any personal glory whatsoever, considering there was no personal glory to be had. These days, I find myself picking up Christian books and being more serious in Bible study and trying to pick up on Christian knowledge. And I question my own motives these days. Am I trying to gain approval from others in the Christian circle? Am I trying to prove my worth as a Christian? Am I trying to amaze people who are impressed by a "strong" Christian? Am I a Pharisee who's studying God's word for others to accept me? For now, I believe the answer would be, "not really". No, I have not began to pick up Christian books or increase my Christian knowledge to impress anyone. It's just that someone had aroused a deeper interest in me in christianity. But it is certainly something I need to constantly check myself for. It's funny. I had to fight to keep my pace slow in Christianity and not let any social pressure hurry me, for I'd be doing it for humans then instead of God.

Why do I continue to call myself a Christian and not a Christ follower although I'd very much prefer the latter? Because I'm as imperfect as any other Christian and I've made the same mistakes Christians are being stoned for. I deserve to be called a Christian, a term as honourable as it is to be ashamed of.

2009-01-20T23:57:00.002+08:00

Excerpt from a conversation one of the voices in my head was having with the rest.

"If I were you, I'd try happiness for a change. It's more addictive, than melancholy. After all, what's wrong with being happy? If you don't know how, let me in. First you try a smile and start looking, for the rainbow through the rain. Then you'll finally see, there's a bright side, to everything. Where one colour of the rainbow ends, another begins. Let the past end, and the present begin."

He is obviously not a very talented poet or lyricist. But he kinda actually sang it out. In B flat Dorian scale.

2009-01-15T11:58:00.014+08:00

There are unfortunately, some (not all, I stress) "scientific" people who like to ask proponents of Intelligent Design or "religious" people,

"Who then created God or this designer of the universe? Who designed the designer?"

and often disrefute any scientific claims about the existence of God/ Designer with the irrefutable claim that since it cannot be proven by scientific means, it cannot be claimed that God/ Designer did such and such a thing.

And by making most of these "religious" people dumbfounded, the "scientific" people walk away, pleased with their victory over irrationality and a dogma that has plagued mankind for well...since its existence.

Well, think again. Just because a question cannot be answered by the "religious" people, doesn't mean that they are wrong. Unless, of course, the "scientific" people can answer their own questions.

So, let me reverse it, and pose this question back to the "scientific" people.

" Who or what created nature? What created this nature thing that underlies every single scientific law or theory, including evolution?"

Well, and how do you prove scientifically that nature is what is driving these processes?

This might seem extremely counter-intuitive, since nature and science are pretty much the same thing in most people's minds, but I would suggest that they are not, and it shouldn't be taken for granted that they are. Prove what nature is, and that it is the driving force behind all these processes, and the "scientific" people wins it.

Is nature...defined as absence of human interference? Or tendency for things to happen in a certain way? Or perhaps logic itself? Or , as has been suggested so often lately of God, a construct of the human mind?

Absence of human interference, tendency for things to happen in a certain way -- well, the definition of God covers these aspects too. Is nature logic itself? A thing that can be comprehended perfectly given the right faculties in a human? Then what of emotions that make no sense at all? The kind that seem to serve no purpose whatsoever to any goals? Is that not considered nature? Well, from general understanding, it seems God is able to cover both the definitions of logic and illogic (miracles etc.). How about construct of the human mind? Ah, interesting.

Yes, maybe nature is a construct of the human mind. Scientists just might claim that nature is just a label they've put on to describe this thing that underlies all scientific laws and theories.

"We don't know what it is. But it's not wrong for us to just put a label on this unknown thing first and what do you think we are doing with all our theories and laws anyway? We are, exactly! Trying to figure out what nature is! A step at a time. Much like we label an unknown chemical and try to discover the various properties of it. We're making headway, but we can't claim to have fully grasped its properties. Doesn't mean it does not exist."

Ok. So...how different is that from how the "religious" people see God?

=> "We don't know who He really is. But it's not wrong for us to call Him God and what do you think we are doing with all life and prayers anyway? We are, exactly! Trying to figure out who God is! A step at a time. Much like we have a chemical with a name but unknown properties, we are trying to discover the various characters of Him. We're making headway, but we can't claim to have fully grasped His character. Doesn't mean He does not exist."

Here's a simple diagram of how I personally feel this is...

< God(end)--{have not understood}--nature---{understood}----< Life

The "religious" people seek "illogical" means to understand God, jumping through the entire "cannot understand portion" to reach Him. "Scientific" people wants to do it step by step, by edging nature forward, extending the understood portion into the "have-not-understood" portion and reaching (though they do not know it or have deep reservations about it) God.

Well. Just my humble opinion on how things are. But it should be noted that the Bible said that with the "scientific" way, you can never reach God; which might explain the "the more you know the more you seem to not know"phenomenon commonly experienced in science. Whether you take the leap beyond undertanding to reach God at some point in science is up to you. I've already taken mine.

2009-01-02T17:21:00.002+08:00

The key to a contented and peaceful life lies with the ability to put an accurate value to things.

How much is lying on the sofa and watching TV worth?

How much is getting up and helping mum with the dishes worth?

How much is laughter worth?

How much are tears worth?

How much is your pride worth?

How much is other people's lives worth?

How much are causes/ movements worth?

How much is your reputation worth?

How much is money worth?

How much is Love worth?

How much is forgiveness worth?

How much is vengeance worth?

How much is your death or life worth?

How much is God's word worth?

2008-12-31T12:47:00.002+08:00

The first step to knowing the truth is to stop seeing the Holy Bible as a mere bestseller of all time.

Even the devils know that they will not win the war against God. Therefore, by their malicious nature, they will try to drag as many humans into the lake of fire as they can, to be tormented for eternity with them. To conceal such intentions, they either claim that they shall win the war to entice the humans, or more likely, to make themselves and the sins they lead humans into, invisible to humans. And thence, humans dance their way to Hell without ever realising it.

By God's very nature, should there be even a hint of the possibility of defeat, He would have sent away anyone else with Him, lest they should be defeated too. Considering that is not what He is doing--instead, He has been gathering as many as possible so they can be saved too --then His victory is not in the slightest uncertain. In fact, the certainty of His victory is equivalent to saying God already won.

In short, if God says He shall win, He will win for He is truth and therefore His word is true. If the devil says he shall win, he will lose, for he is lies and therefore his word must be a lie. However, the most dangerous weapon the devil use is not his lie--for no man would be fool enough to believe it. But the most dangerous weapon he uses is silence. Once Man chooses to neglect the truth for silence, then man is as good dragged into Hell already.

Silence to the truth, is equivalent to living a lie.

2008-12-20T11:21:00.003+08:00

iT'S SATURDAY MORNING AND i WOKE UP WEAK FROM HUNGER AND AN ENTIRE WEEK'S FATIGUE WEIGHING ON MY SHOULDERS...AND SOTMACH AND BACK. i WAS GROGGY BUT DECIDED THAT THIS MORNING WOULD BE MY ONLY CHANCE TO EXERCISE IN WHAT WILL BE A WHILE.

oK, SO THE NORMAL 8 KM ROUTE IT SHALL BE THEN.

bUT HALFWAY THROUGH, WITH THE BLAZING SUN, THE INCREDIBLE HUNGER, THE WEAKNESS IN MUSCLES COUPLED WITH AN UNQUENCHABLE DESIRE TO CLOSE MY EYES AND JUST SLEEP ON THE SPOT, i WAS ALL READY TO GIVE UP AND START WALKING BACK.

tHEN, i HEARD A VOICE.

"cOME INTO THE SHADE AND i WILL GIVE YOU REST."

wELL, THERE WASA NO DOUBT WHO THAT WAS CALLING ME. sO i WENT INTO THE SHADE AND CONTINUED JOGGING, ALBEIT VERY SLOWLY. aND IT WAS GOOD. tHE WIND WAS COOLING, THOUGH i WAS STILL FEELING WEAK AND HUNGRY AND TIRED.

aND THEN THE NEXT THING i KNOW, i REACHED THE END OF THE SHADE. sO i ASKED,

"LORD, LORD, WHERE ARE YOU?"

aND HE REPLIED, "jUST A DISTANCE AHEAD, ACROSS THIS ROAD, THERE IS ANOTHER SHADE. I AM THERE."

sO i CROSSED THE JUNCTION, WITH A CARE FOR CARS AND DRUNK DRIVERS. aND I JOGGED TO THE NEXT SHADE AND FOUND SOME REST. bUT i WAS STILL JOGGING AND MOVING AHEAD. VERY SLOWLY THOUGH.

aND THEN i REACHED THE END OF THAT SAHDE AND i ASKED AGAIN,

"LORD, LORD, WHERE ARE YOU?"

aND HE ANSWERED AGAIN,

"jUST AHEAD, OVER THIS STRETCH OF ROAD AND PAVEMENT, THERE WILL BE A SHADE AND THERE i SHALL BE."

aND i TOOK WHAT REMAINING STRENGTH i HAVE AND HEADED FOR THE SHADE.

aND SO THE PROCESS CONTINUED. wHEN i REACHED THE END OF THE SHADE, i ASKED WHERE HE WAS AND HE ANSWERED ME AND i MOVED TOWARDS THAT PLACE.

aND AT THE LAST STRETCH, i THOUGHT OF TAKING A SHORT CUT BACK...wELL, i MEAN IT'S JUST A CUT OF A COUPLE OF TENS OF METRES SO NO BIG DEAL RIGHT? i STILL COMPLETED 7KM PLUS...BESIDES, THERE WAS NO MORE SHADE AHEAD THAT i COULD SEE ANYWAY...aND i WAS REALLY READY TO DROP DEAD ON THE STREET IF i MOVED ANY MORE THAN i HAVE TO...THE SUN WAS BAKING ME ALIVE ALREADY...

tHEN HE WAS SILENT, WAITING FOR ME TO MAKE MY CHOICE.

sIGH.

sO i STRENGTHENED MY HEART; FOR THE BODY'S STRENGTH ALL CAME FROM THE HEART, AND I FOLLOWED THROUGH TILL THE END. aND HE SAID,

"hERE i AM."

aND i WAS HOME.

2008-12-20T11:19:00.001+08:00

Excerpt from a conversation with a loved one recently.

"IT'S EITHER THE BLUE CHEESE OR ME!!!"

*pause*

"OR THE BLUE CHEESE IN ME!!!!!"

2008-12-03T15:45:00.002+08:00

Excerpts from a personal conversation which I might tailor to become lyrics:

you get hurt, you bleed, you heal and there'll be a scar there. The thing is not to try to pretend you never got the wound. You will always see the scar and remember how you fell and got hurt. The question is has the scar healed enough that when you look at it and remember how you got hurt, how vivid is the pain to you..i.e. if you can look back at a scar and remember everything about it, but you don't feel the pain of the wound that became the scar, then it means you've been healed and you've moved on and the pain doesn't bother you anymore...you might be able to look back and laugh about it even

it's about acknowledging that the scar exist, but being able to move on to the point where the scar and how it came about doesn't bother you anymore

that's healing

but what's done is done. We look towards the future, bearing the scars of the mistakes in our past. We look for healing, not regrets. We look for hope not despair

We look at somewhere else, if nothing's coming back in the direction we're staring at.

2008-11-13T23:04:00.001+08:00

Stairway to heaven.
Don't look back.

2008-10-15T01:17:00.002+08:00

Faith is a difficult plant to farm because it grows only in the dryest deserts and coldest wastelands, but even the smallest seed can bear a forest of fruits.

2008-10-11T13:51:00.003+08:00

Happiness is a habit. A habit that can be cultivated.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Life is like a storybook.

The main character will always go through up and downs but eventually, end up with a happy ending...Or relatively happy ending anyway. But too often, we get caught up in the horrific trials (the downs) and we dwell on them so much that we forget to turn the page. And when the page doesn't get turned, the trials don't get rectified. The "up" part of the story doesn't begin. We forget that the story doesn't end there at the down part. But when we dwell on it and get stuck at the page, the story gets cut and ends there. A premature unhappy ending.

Maybe all we need is just to turn the page. And seek the happy ending that's definitely at the end. Maybe we just need to let go of the "down" page that we're reading at the moment and move on to the next.

Life is a storybook. Turn the page. It always gets better.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

There can be no grace without punishment.

There will be no punishment without love.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

2008-07-12T12:04:00.002+08:00

Michael Turner first made his name drawing the most elegant, innocent and sexiest females in the comic industry, including redesigning the new Supergirl. This tribute piece has none of his trademark heavy mascara eyes, thick, pouty lips and extremely detailed flows of hair, but his influence on my style of art is, like his person now, alive, real and still hugely influential, though undetectable with the naked eye. Michael's style is unimitable, and I do not wish to insult royalty. Thus, I do the best that I can, the way I can to thank one of the greatest comic artist ever for opening up my eyes and mind.

One year ago in Philadelphia Wizard World Con, I said (the only thing I could think of at that point) to him,'I never thought I'd see you.' I never thought i'd do a tribute too...and I certainly never thought it would be for you. But like Oscar Wilde said,'every piece of art is a portrait of the artist'. Your hopes and dreams and visions still live on in your art, Michael. And you've showed the world how to live even when you were at the brink of death.

You are the true Superman. Rest in Peace.

2008-05-06T19:58:00.002+08:00

There was a man, A, who never lost a single competition in his life. Oh yes, he was hardworking, very determined. But sometimes, one might think he couldn't lose if he tried. He won every single thing in his life, from blackjack, chess, roulette, sports competition, contracts, stock speculation to people's hearts. Every single thing he won, sometimes with his hard work, sometimes without him lifting a finger. But he feels empty, like he's missing something.

There was another man, B, who never won a single competition in his life. He was hardworking and yes, even determined too, though he slacks off occasionally. But sometimes people shake their heads and think to themselves that the poor sap could never win a thing if he tried. He lost in everything from amusement park games to chasing skirts to money-making and even bungee-jumping from the world's highest place (His record was broken a second later after it was set when his bungee-jumping instructor slipped and fell off the top of the bridge, luckily, with his safety bungee rope. B started from the bottom of the bridge.). Every single match B lost, sometimes deservingly, and other times, not so. He feels empty, and obviously lacking something.

A met B one day. C, a passerby, asked them to compete in a special match.

"But I can't win. I've never won." B explained, trying to make C see the futility.

"And I can't lose. Some say, not even if I try." A argued.

"Not unless the winner of the competition is the one who loses more." C said.

A and B left each other and C that day, feeling like they've accomplished something special in their lives.

--Winners and losers arise from the definition of the rules in a game. When the rules are set by Man, they can be changed by Man.
i.e. There are no winners or losers. Merely a difference in perspective.

2008-05-06T19:40:00.002+08:00

I view the recent Tiger beer ads with their "If winning isn't everything, why do people keep score?" and "enjoy winning" slogans with extreme distaste.

After nearly massacring Jessica Alba's career with an ad that tried so hard to be funny but failed so terribly, Tiger's ad agency made another fundamental error.

It's not winning that interests people. It's competition. It's a match that can go either way that will get the audience and the contestants on their edge. Winning is merely the outro. The competition is the chorus. That's why adults don't fight kids and masters don't bother to bully amateurs. Winning is boring. Fighting a tough fight is where the fun is. Winning a tough fight is a bonus.

Seriously, if I were Tiger Beer management, I'd fire the ad agency. After the Jessica Alba fiasco, they led us through a indiana jones-like "the next chapter is about to begin" crap (for that matter, no one i know knows what the whole series of ad is all about and no one is interested to find out) and now, this stupid "winning is everything" nonsense. Dude, for every "winner", there're 1000 "losers". So good luck in trying to get these people who "lost" to drink your beer.

Seriously people, your beer already taste bad and you're keeping an ad agency that's spending millions of dollars to drive your business away. Like we don't already dislike commercials interrupting our shows, you guys have decided to make it even more painful for us. Here's an advice: Save a little money, and save the creative world a whole lot of pride and spare all of us a little pain --

Stop advertising.

2008-02-09T22:26:00.000+08:00

I've been searching for the meaning to life for some time now. To find MY meaning to life, I've stayed away from people, away from their influences, their ideas and philosophies on life.

How ironic it is that I finally realise that all that is important in life, is the people and the memories you create with them. Yeah, even the bad ones.

2007-12-22T14:24:00.000+08:00

Of Knowledge and Imagination

Knowledge was given birth by Imagination.

Imagination was conceived with Knowledge.

Knowledge and Imagination are however, beyond birth, mutually exclusive.
An ounce of knowledge gained, is a measure of imaginative space lost.
The certainty of knowing one thing, kills off the endless possibilities of imagining everything.

Therefore, be thankful that no one can know everything, the same way no one can know nothing.
Life is therefore a spectrum of compositions between knowledge and imagination, constantly giving birth to one another and killing each other.

For knowledge and imagination thence, to live, must die. Like a phoenix that cannot arise anywhere else but from its own ashes.

The uncertainty and freedom of imagination coupled with the certainty and constriction of knowledge therefore implies that many issues in life will, like a Neil Gaiman story, often have no conclusions. The ending must be made up by the reader himself, taking shelter in the certainty of knowledge derived from the endless possibilities of imagination.

You have to know? No...Sometimes, it's better if you Don't know.

2007-12-11T13:56:00.000+08:00

Ah, the Golden Compass... ...Or is it the curse of the Golden Compass? No no, I think it's the Harry Pot and the Golden Compass... ...Umm, Golden Compass of Narnia? Ah, whatever...they're all the same...

Anyway, however similar the Golden Compass is to other movies, its metaphor is simple to grasp. Human characters are manifested in the form of animals called "demons", and adults have fixed demons thereby corresponding to fixed personalities while a child's demon changes form constantly. Now, any sociologist will tell you that there is no such thing as a fixed personality and that one's self concept changes with social interactions and stuff, but let's just skip this point. So, anyway, in the story, some adults (forever the bad guys in a children's flick) want to help children grow up by separating/killing off their demons.

In english, it pretty much means that adults want children to grow up and fill in the social roles assigned to them by killing off their imagination and dreams and ambitions and stuff...somewhat similar to Karl Marx's ideas...For that matter, the uneducated side of me (which is a big portion) just thinks that Karl Marx is a very very jaded old man who forever sees the glass as half empty and that the water in the half filled glass must have existed only for exploitation...

Anyway, back to the story...so this heroine in the story who obviously is out to stop the baddies, gets a Golden Compass, goes on a journey collecting polar bears and flying ships and witches and a little battle in the north pole later, becomes triumphant. That's when I realise with terrifying horror and great remorse that it is only the first part of a trilogy. Yeah, but come to think of it, which movie these days isn't a trilogy? terminator 3, pirates of the carribean 3, matrix 3, shrek 3, spiderman 3, batman gazillion, aliens vs predators 2 is coming out, bet there's a 3 before very soon...Oh, and before I forget, a little thing to note while watching Golden Compass...In the battle in this north pole place, where temperatures are supposed to be freezing (i mean, just look at the layers of clothes they're wearing), strangely there is no condensation of water vapour when the characters talk...You know the "breath mist" that always appears when someone speaks or breathes out in a cold place...Didn't think Hollywood would miss that out....

So anyway, the really interesting part comes about when I noticed that the really big difference in that world and the real world(our world) is just a matter of the amount of Gold available. Yeah, in that story, and because it's a story and because animated gold cost as much as ant poo, they have tons and tons of gold. So every freaking thing there is made of gold. The compass, the spires, flying ships, the handles etc etc.

So now, that set my inquisitive mind wondering about the scarcity of gold in our world. Why, oh why, would such a useful metal be so limited in this world? I mean, economic value aside (which wouldn't exist if gold was available in large quantities), Gold is a fantastic material to work with...It doesn't corrode (ever heard of gold oxide?) so anything built from gold or coated with it can last forever...well, at least longer than most marriages today...And in fact, it was the goal of all alchemist in the 18th, 19th century to turn lead to gold, because of Gold's inert and stable structure. Because its so stable and inert, alchemists think that it must be the final and highest form which all metals should attain.

In many ways, the alchemists' quest for Gold represents many people's pursuit in life for stability and forever and ever after. So much trouble could be avoided if only gold was much more readily available. There'd be no search for protection against corrosion which wasted centuries of people's time, and there'd be no fear of combustible oxidation in the presence of air, not to mention the very shiny components and architecture we would've gotten. And Durai would never have gotten caught for installing golden taps, cos everyone would have golden taps...Btw, Durai would've fitted right into the world of the Golden Compass...Cos golden taps are the norm there...So why, dear Lord, why would you not give your children more Gold to lessen our engineering headaches? Why is there always so little stability in our lives, in our fickle and changing world?

Because, where there is change, there is hope for better things to come.

Ah, life...
is just like a box of chocolates ;)
Don't try too hard to figure out why it's sweet or bitter...
Just try to enjoy every one of the bitterweet experiences as much as you can.
The process justifies the ends.

Therefore, I salute you all, who do not think about calories before you eat. You sure know how to enjoy life, even though you might not have a very long one left, if you had been doing so excessively.

2007-10-02T21:49:00.001+08:00

The value of life lies in dreams.

The dreams you have for yourself.

And the dreams others have for you.

2007-09-26T02:17:00.000+08:00

100.

If power can only be obtained and maintained by non-good means in a non-good world, the only way to be good is to be powerless.

Powerless is but a superficial term, for he who could be the most powerful of all but chooses to be powerless, is truly the strongest of them all.

He, the master, who choose to serve when to be served is un-good, attains a strength of higher level than the most powerful, and has taken the next step to succeed the level of "most powerful".

In short, to be stronger than the strongest, you must be the weakest.

That's why my noob magician kicks all the level 70 mages' magica-da-bra butts in Maple Story.

Even though I can't even kill a single monster.

Yet.

2006-12-21T15:03:00.000+08:00

Between God and chance

If one does not believe in God, then he believes in chance.

Say, something happens. You meet an old friend on the street. Believers will say it is God's plan and will that you guys meet and this meeting serves certain purposes. Whether you find out what the purposes are is another matter. Atheists say the meeting is pure coincidence. Maybe it will have some consequences, but maybe it serves absolutely no purpose at all.

People often hold the misconception that believers rely on faith and atheists rely on logic. Why misconception?

Well, for one, can anyone explain logically what chance is? The concept of chance, is it any easier to explain than the concept of God? Is chance any more clear a thing, any more explained than God? Atheists like to ask believers what God is. Believers perhaps, would like ask atheists what chance is.

Now, for that matter, scientists like to, at some point of scientific explanation point to nature. For example, in classical physics, newton's laws explain a lot of things. For example, if you push a block, it accelerates according to newton's 2nd law. Why does it do so? Ermm...it's natural? And how about Darwin's theory of evolution? For that matter, I've read on the net about the excavations of giants' bones, making a huge loophole in Darwin's theory. However, since that has not percolated thru to the scientific community, we shall still assume the validity of Darwin's theory, for argument's sake.

So, Darwin says there's this natural selection going on...The fittest species survive, the weaker ones die off...leaving what we have today...Well, so what then is this wonderful thing nature that has such intelligence to do that? I'm sure Stephen Hawking will give me a lecture(as in the scolding sort) on this, but I doubt even he can give me an answer as to what the hec nature really is.

So, if a logical explanation cannot be provided as to what nature and chance is, what are atheists doing then? They're believing in the concepts of chance and nature. Well, maybe some will say that God is a concept created by humans. But many will disagree. But I doubt many will disagree if I say chance is a concept created by humans.

Now, let's look at the odds. God vs chance.

God--may or may not be human-created (and if God is not human-created, then He is divine, or beyond human).
Chance--more likely to be a human-created concept.

God--you believe in Him, you will have a better life and afterlife, or so many claim (I admit, I'm one of them).
Chance--Ermm...who cares?

Believers chose God, which based on the extremely limited examination above, would lead anyone to think that God is a more logical choice.

Believers' lives are based entirely on faith and atheists on logic? Think again.

God's ways may not always be logical, but that doesn't mean it is always illogical( meaning it isn't always just pray pray pray. Sometimes God's ways can be simply logical.)

Some say science and religion can't go together. The way I see it, so far, all science has been doing is explaining how things work. Religion has been explaining why things work. Maybe both are completely wrong (you have no idea how much extrapolation science does. It is only a wee bit more accurate than statistics...which pple often say is the third kind of lie in addition of black and white ones). But I am willing to live a life lighted by a lightbulb than be in complete darkness. But since I believe that my religion is true, it is my belief that the light I'm seeing is from the sun not the lightbulb.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've been pondering another matter recently.

See, Mad Dino and Goggleman wanted to get into Hwa Chong after PSLE. They did.
I wanted to go Hwa Chong. I ended up in Anderson.
Dog wanted to go Anderson. he ended up in Ahmad Ibrahim.

Dog and I lived in the same area then. Mad Dino and Goggleman were in the same school then. None of us met.

Mad dino and Goggleman were in the same JC. Not much contact there.
Dog and I were not in the same JC. No contact there too.

In the army, Dog, Mad Dino and Goggleman wanted to be officers.
I wanted to be a man.
We all ended up as specs.

In the army BMT, Mad Dino and I were in the same company. Absolutely no contact there.
In the army BMT, Goggleman and Dog were in different companies. Absolutely no contact there too.

All these "coincidences" and the eventual crossing of our paths, coupled with the torrential and relentless rain we have been experiencing in recent days lead me to only one conclusion.

That we are going to be overrun by pokemons which will eventually be hunted down to be an alternative food source, the most famous of which will be stir-fried pikachu and squirtle sushi. That, and I need to see a psychiatrist.

5

4

3

2...............

2006-12-15T22:52:00.000+08:00

Here's a little advice if you want to be stuck in people's minds :

Have a name that's easy to remember, and a character that is difficult to forget.

Of course, it goes both ways too...think: steven lim...^^;

2006-12-05T23:47:00.000+08:00

"Honey, it's over."

Damn, even egestion feels better now.

2006-11-08T20:09:00.000+08:00

On the run

Ever since getting my electric guitar, I haven't had much chance to unleash my emotions by running. But today was different. I had to run. I was running away from something, running towards something, running to find something and most importantly, to clear my clogged up head of all the madness in there.

I ran, and I opened up my senses. I took the long route today, and this is what I saw.

The usual ah peh in his white singlet and black shorts jogging again. He's the ah peh I overtook most often in all my runs and today was no exception. I haven't jogged for a long time, and it was good seeing him again. I can't say the same for him though.

I passed by a bangla construction worker. He was standing beside an opened drain and as I passed him, an awful stench filled my nose. The worse thing was that I couldn't tell if it was from the drain or from him.

In the last leg of my run, I saw another bangla. He was wearing some cheap khaki brown berms and it was heavily stained with splashes of white paint. Just like the billabong ones that're going for 70 bucks per pair in town.

At one point during the run, I heard a beat. It was weird, cos it was so familiar, but it seems like I haven't heard it, or haven't noticed it in ages. At first I thought it was the stamping of my feet on the pavement. Then, I realised it came from within.

It was my heartbeat.

That was when I realised, that no matter how tough the run is, no matter the pressure that's pressing upon you from all sides, no matter the stench that is besieging your nose, no matter the pain that is holding you in captive( I had a stitch), as long as you can hear your own heart beat, everything will be just right.

Because the rhythm of life plays to the beat of the heart. And the heart beats to the rhythm of life.

As long as you know who you are, as long as you are true to your beliefs and love genuinely, your life is in your rhythm. The world may not appreciate your music, but you wouldn't dance to any other tune.

I'd say, "never lose yourself," but that's always been paradoxical to me especially now that I've learned that the self is always changing as it interacts with the world. I think it may be more accurate to say, be true to yourself.

Listen to your heart, because it never lies. Let it choose your black and white. I believe in God, and I believe in the heart he gave us.

Remember who you are, and listen to the beat of your heart. You can save a world by doing that.

2006-11-07T23:06:00.000+08:00

The fine line

It is a fine line between being FREE and being LOST.

It is a fine line between ENLIGHTENMENT and DELUSION.

It is a fine line between a GENIUS and a MADMAN.

It is a fine line between PASSION and OBSESSION.

It is a fine line between LOVE and HATE.

It is not so fine a line between LIVING LIKE THE DEAD and being DEAD ALIVE.

And if there's a fine line between your 2 butt cheeks,

then you're wearing a G-string.

2006-10-25T00:35:00.000+08:00

On limits

1)
The young seeks to grow, and they will grow into adults. Adults continue to seek to grow and
they'll grow old. And when you're old, you're cleverer, more experienced, more emotionally
hardy blah blah blah. So is old the limit of growth? (we don't talk about death cos you stop
growing by then.)

Sadly for all the old people out there, nope. There's one more stage to attain after that. Timelessness.

Let me give you a simple example. When you're young, you get cheated. When you're adult, you learn not to get cheated. By the time you're old, you're clever enough to cheat people. See the growth in intelligence here? But being able to cheat people is not the ultimate attainment. In this case, the greatest attainment would be being able to cheat people and not do it and even be able to influence others to so the same. Does it sound like FDS?

By the time you're that old and that experienced, you can be the man of the age you live in. For instance, if you live in a scientific age like we are now, you may be a great wielder of science. If you live in a more physical age, you may have attained human physical limits in your lifetime. Basically, you can be applauded by all the people of your time. But times change. As a physical world gives in to machinery, your physical accomplishments will fade with time as science comes into more importance. What I'm saying is, to be a man of the age you live in is not the ultimate limit. The ultimate thing a man can be is to be a man of all ages.

Some things have survived the transition from man to machinery. Let's take a look. Jesus. Buddlha. Allah. etc. That's because these beliefs and things they did were timeless. Thou shalt not kill is an ideal that all embrace through all times, even in the midst of war. I'll always be there with you, is a sentence that comforts anyone from past, future, present. No cheating even if you can is an ideal supported through time too. You know Beatles were hot. Then it was they fade into Guns n Roses. Then they fade in backstreet boys. Then they fade into black eyed peas. All I've mentioned were the best bands at their time. But seriously, who listens to "quit playing games with my heart" anymore? But canon in d is still around. See, classic survives all ages. Btw, just in case you think I'm turning from rock to classical, think again.

If you say, what makes you think I want to grow at all, much less into timelessness? Well, all I can respond to that is the question, "Then what on Earth are you doing?"

2.
You start out jogging 1 day a week. Then you improve your discipline and jog 3 days a week. And then 5. And then 7. Is jogging 5km everyday the limit of discipline? If you think it is, then allow me to assure you that it takes even more discipline for a man who's jogging everyday to stop jogging for 2 whole months and then pick it up again after that. As you see, there's another level that can be achieved.

3.
You start out as a listener to music. You pick up guitar. You get better. Then you get even better. Then you get so good that your techniques are flawless. Then you get even better and start writing your own music. Then you get so good that you music becomes so fantastic and sophisticated that you think no one else in the world can play it. Is that the limit? Well, there's one more. The ultimate level, is to be able to detach yourself from the music making process and listen to it as if you were a normal listener i.e all the way back to stage 1. Only by listening objectively can you make your music better, and have no biased towards yourself, and be able to attain the goal of entertaining pple, who would have no part in the music making process and would therefore not share your bias. In art and music, as far as I know, no one can completely do it, but those who tried have already produced fantastic work.

4.
What is as tougher than holding on to something that is difficult to achieve but is needed?
Holding on to something you really want.

What is as tough, if not tougher than holding on to sth you really want?
Giving up something that you really want.

What is tougher than giving up something you really want?
Something that you really need.

An example. It easier to go through the path and get a college degree in Singapore, than to hold on to a dream of art. It is easier to hold on to scraps of hope of a dream of art than to let it go. Depending, sometimes it might actually be easier. Perhaps I should substitute dream of art with a girl instead. Anyway, as long as you get the idea. And it's easier to give up a dream, than to give up say, friendships or family ties. Few people I know would be willing to starve their families to fulfill a dream.

************************************************************************************

People get born into this world and after some time, they leave. When we leave this world, we can take absolutely nothing from it. Look at the pharoahs who tried to take their treasures with them. Haven't all been unearthed and placed in the museum? Quite amusing actually, to think that when they were buried, the eyptian kings were all high and mighty and in their full glory een though they are dead. 2 thousand years later, most of them end up in glass cases, displayed for viewing like monkeys in the zoo. All the treasures they tried to take away all ended up in someone else's hands or got displayed like bananas next to them. You can't take away anything from this world cos it's eventually gonna find it and take it back. Like Qing shi wang and his bing ma yong. I can just imagine a bing ma yong thinking right now...

"I am a brave warrior made from this world and I'll protect the Emperor in the next world... ... ...erm, why am I in a glass case and why's that little kid staring at my ass?"

We can however, give to this world, like the people I've mentioned before. We can contribute to the peace, to ideas, to scientific concepts, to beliefs, to joy etc. Some will last as long as we are contributing. Others will last forever.

So, in this world we can take nothing from it, but we can leave some things here when we leave. So perhaps people should stop saying,

"But he hasn't done this for me...blah blah...the garmen hasn't done that...blah blah...why shdn't he do it first..blah blah..."

Cos ultimately what's given to you will be taken back.

Perhaps we should be more,

"I can do this for you...I can do that...I'd like to leave my mark on the world this way and that..."

Ask not what the world can do for you. Ask what you can do for the world.

I think Martin Luther King said that. Or maybe Lincoln. Or Columbus. No, I don't think it's Britney Spears. But I'm not sure.

2006-10-22T20:54:00.000+08:00

I was very tired when I laid upon my bed this evening...It must have been the flu...So anyway, when I woke, I was already 20 minutes late for church...

Feeling a little guilty, I hurried (not a lot though, I admit) to it, hoping that it would not end before I reach...And guess what? When I stepped through the door of the church, first thing I heard the pastor preach was--

"... ....that is why as Christians, we should not hurry or be of haste."

Ka-Dong!

Whoever said that God doesn't have a sense of humour? =)

Anyway, if you're interested, the sermon today was on supernatural visions and signs and stuff like that...From what I gathered, the pastor was trying to say that if ever you receive any of those from God, you don't have to be hasty in pushing for it to be fulfilled, for if it is truly from God, it will be fulfilled in its own time.

For only in the fullness of time, will God's will be fully carried out. This is from my pastor, I really like this line.

As it is, the sermon ended later than usual. Guess I really didn't have to hurry =)

2006-10-17T00:16:00.000+08:00

It's so hazy this day that I could stare into the eye of the sun.

********************************************************************************

Say, have you ever noticed how the extras in the movies always play the roles of "important" or "powerful" people? I mean, think about it. In cop shows, superintendents and governors or inspectors are usually played by extras. The focus is always on the gritty/funny hooligan cop that is probably a corporal at most. Or maybe a sergeant. And in movies about ancient dynasties and stuff, the extra is always the emperor, the concubine, the empress dowager...usually it's the pugilist with not a penny on his name that gets featured. And how about corporate world shows? The boss or manager is usually the extra or the mean guy and it's the office boy or some clerk that is the lead.

But they always have something in common. That is, the lead always starts out insignificant; common; normal. Think, Guo Jing, Yang Guo, forrest gump, jackie chan in his thousand and one cop movies. The interesting thing is to see how they climb to the top, or do extraordinary things. Ordinary people doing extraordinary things. That's the interesting thing.

All I'm saying is, no matter how small or insignificant you think your role is, you are your own lead in your story. So write a good script and play a good lead. Eventually, it doesn't matter which section of the social ladder you belong to. As long as the story is good, you will earn others' interest and respect.

*********************************************************************************

The sun that I saw this day looked like a giant egg yolk torn from the depths of a mooncake hanging in the hazy sky. I thought it was the moon. But I realised it was not night. That's funny. Cos I haven't felt warmth for so very long. Then I thought to myself, perhaps the sun is, after all, just a egg yolk in the sky.

Have you ever thought of the egg yolk that way when you eat a mooncake? It's a sun within the moon. And sometimes, you have 2 suns within the moon. Hey! Maybe, maybe that's what hou-yi did. Once upon a time, a guy named Hou-yi found a mooncake with 10 egg yolks in there. He ate nine of the yolks and impressed everyone. But that was too much yolk for him to take and he was going to die of heart attack and float to heaven if he ate anymore. But chang-e saved him by eating the rest of the mooncake(elixir of life indeed!) and died of cholesterol poisoning and ascended to the moon instead. Why the moon? Well, where else do you think you'll go if you die eating a mooncake?

I don't believe it...It's all linked...The beautiful story about the suns and the moon and chang-e and hou-yi and the elixir of life... ...it all started from a mooncake eating mishap.

Moral of story: Don't bake mooncakes with 10 egg yolks. You're bound to kill someone at some point.

Yeah well, no one ever said all the secrets of the universe revealed here aren't crap.

2006-10-14T21:33:00.000+08:00

The way to do great things is as follows:

Be stupid enough to dream the impossible.
Be wise enough to figure out a way to make your dream a reality.

Then, do it.

I did a foolish thing today. I went swimming. On a saturday afternoon. As you might have guessed, it was a water SOC. No, not standard obstacle course. SUPER obstacle course. The entire pool was packed with people and you can't swim in a straight line without needing to change direction several times. The weirdest part was that it seems like I was the only one dodging, while everyone was charging at me like a torpedo. Yeah well, I accidentally kicked a few of them (yes, it's that crowded), so I guess it's fair. I was dead beat by the time I finished 3 laps. It was really funny watching the kids who're getting their silver or some other swimming badge though. They'd jump into the pool in their oversized wet suits, looking for all the world like flying squirrels in water.

Over-heard

Coach to student, "You gotta come back next tuesday 8.30am."

Student,"I don't know if I can. I've got piano lesson at 9.30am."

And the kid looks like he's only 5 or 6. It's little things like these that really keeps you humble, no matter how talented others say you are. At a quarter of my age, this kid already can swim better than me and play the piano better than me. If I'm talented, what's this kid? Of course, I wouldn't have chosen my upbringing to be anything else than what it had been. I'm willing to learn piano at the age of 22. If ever I get the chance.

I saw this channel 8 documentary on local delights. It was on crabs. So this vendor was trying to explain the difference between the varieties of crabs.

"So, this is a Sri Lankan crab. Fantastic, sweet meat, cos they get to feed on oysters in the place where they grew up. And it's economical too."

He puts down that crab and lifts another.

"And this is an Indian crab. Basically, there's no difference from the Sri Lankan crab. They just the same crabs from the same place caught in a different location."

I don't know, but that sentence tickled me so.

2006-10-08T22:47:00.000+08:00

Lim Beh Soot Ji Liab Hor Li See. Literally.

A tribute to the empty blog it has become. It was a short-lived star, but it burned brightly. Ok, I was just bored.

To Long -- Don't let anything consume you. Cos you're not exactly good-digestive material.

You'll give whatever consumes you food poisoning.

To Ken -- The opposite of "stressed" is "dess.."...argh, forget it, that's too cliche. If you're stressed, just watch more tomb raider...I know you like angelina...And if you want to be more chia-gang -dang, then watch more chia-gang-dang shows. Listening to my english songs help too, bwahaha... ....And next time I mistake a wombat for swine, better correct me.

To Louis -- I hope your cold's gone. Jio us out once in while...Everyone's complaining they haven't seen enough of you... ...Don't be like a wombat...Stay in a hole and come out only when there's wu xiang and shui jiao...Btw, our deal still holds...the one about you getting attached and me performing my new song live...i hope that's not a discouragement ^^;

To the mysterious ones (if any) reading this, I've got less talk and more drawings coming up...if i ever get to go at them... ... ... ...Ok, that's it. I don't know you. I don't know what to say to you. Now get out before I get my shotgun. Oh, but do come back and visit.

2006-10-05T16:33:00.000+08:00

Secrets of the universe

Some lessons that I've learnt recently.

Question: What is worse than having nothing?
Answer: Having everything and then losing them all.

Question: What is more joyful than having everything?
Answer: Losing everything and then gaining them(or some of them) back.

Life is of many facades. You can see one of it as follows:

Think of the "things" here as physical or emotional or mental possesions. Friends, hobbies, romances, guitars, drums, grades whatever.

Stage 1: Having nothing. (eg. baby)

Stage 2: Having something, which will eventually become your everything as it fills up your
world.

Stage 3: Losing everything. In theory, a person can lose everything. Empirical evidence has
proven otherwise. Usually, people just lose that something from stage 2 that has
become a big part of their lives...so it feels like losing everything.

Stage 4: Gaining that something back again, or gaining something else instead.

Let me give you a typical example. A kid starts with nothing. He goes to primary school, did fantastically well in studies. Straight As became everything to him as people even define him with it.
"Look! It's that kid with straight As!"
"Straight A-boy! Can you help me sweep the floor?"
"Straight A-boy! Can help carry these books to school?"
"Straight A-son! You're back from school!"

Then one day, he failed to get straight As.
"Straigh...umm...I mean, kid! Can you help me sweep the floor?"
"Straigh...umm...I mean, kid! Can help carry these books to school?"
"Straigh...umm...I mean, son!! You're back from school!"

He feels like he lost his whole identity. people don't even have a name that separates him from other kids anymore.

3 things can happen now. One, he stays at stage 3 and never progressed. Two, he fights back and got straight-As again and enjoyed the satisfaction of it which is greater than if he had gotten straight As all th way. Three, he realises that life is more than grades and finds something else to fill up that gap in his life eg. guitar.

remember a few entries ago, i said, a man who knows only success all his life is but a failure? Cos he will forever be in stage 2 only, and in that aspect, he has failed...terribly.

Because, as we progress from stage 1 to stage 2 or stage 2 to stage 4, we gain another level of maturity, another level of learning, another level towards a stronger, better, more successful person. From stage 2 to 3, we have neither gained a level or lost a level. This transition is however, extremely important, because it tears away the fake face and shows what a person is made of. It's easier to be nice and lovable when you have everything. Now try being that when you lose everything.

Usually, people don't stay in stage 3. Because, as we have seen, people tend to think that they have lost everything. However that is not the case. They have only lost the something which they have allowed to become a big part of his life. Just like the primary school kid. he has not lost the love of his peers and family or his skills at his hobbies or his skills at studies. What he has lost is only the grades which he has allowed to define a big part of his identity. That's why he feels lost.

In life, many people are afraid of dropping into stage 3. It's understandable. Because it's a long and arduous journey to get from stage 1 to 2. Naturally, one wishes to enjoy the satisfaction of this journey. But let's face it. 2-3 is inevitable too. However, people should learn to see the progress from 2 to 3 as an intermediate stage cos it ultimately leads from 3 to 4. The transition from 3-4 is usually even more arduous and terrifying than the journey from 1 to 2. That's why people are afraid. But it also implies that the satisfaction of reaching stage 4 is greater.

That's why it beautiful seeing someone work hard and succeeding. It is however, in my opinion, even more beautiful a picture, if someone tries hard, fails, picks up the courage to try again, and succeeds.

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Many things I said and advice I have given people have proven correct over time. Not all the time, but probably more than half the time, stuff I said turns out to be correct. Given the statistics, I always thought it was funny that people don't listen to me. They had to bang their heads against the walls and fall before they realise I was right. And that's the brighter ones. Some bang their heads and still had no idea that they've had warning. I'm not interested in saying, "I told you so." I'm just baffled by why people don't go in the logically right direction when it is pointed out to them.

Well, you know what? I understand perfectly now, why these things happen. Cos even I don't listen to my own logically right opinions. I certainly believed that my analysis of situation and the road I should take in response to it to be correct. But humans are made up of logical and illogical aspects. We don't take the logically right road cos we have the special ability to hope. To wish, to believe that things can take place beyond the scope of the logical. It's a precious ability. I didn't take my own advice, and banged my head against the wall and fell. But at least it woke me up to a big principle.

In life, people don't want you to tell them which direction to head in. They just need you to be there to catch them when they fall.

2006-09-26T15:20:00.000+08:00

New work...It's the logo for a friend's cell group...For the glory of God!

2006-09-16T13:37:00.000+08:00

I read this fantastic sentence of wisdom somewhere recently...

"The problem with the rat race is that, win or lose, you're still a bloody rat."

ok, i added "bloody" myself.

Hence the question shouldn't be, "Do you want to be the winning rat?"

Perhaps it should be more along the lines of, "Do you, for God's sake, want to be even a rat at all?"

You know, sometimes when you think about people you know, you inevitably think of certain defining moments that somehow just gets attached to the memory of the person.

Allow me to introduce you to some of those for Mad Dino, Goggleman and Dog.

Mad Dino -- Generally a coldly logical being that operates with surety and confidence fueled by his unparallel bright mind.

Defining moment:

At a kopitiam/bar one night, he looked upon a glass of drink and pondered deeply...

"How did the water droplets condense on the inside of the glass within the liquid?"

Stunned, Dog and I eventually stuttered out an answer,

"Err...Actually, that's the gas from the drink, not water droplets."

Dog -- A being of extreme contradiction. He speaks like a mukish young punk but dislikes mukish young punks. Speaks little cos he claims that his mind is often blank. Claims to like secrets of the universe, but often gets confused by it. Note: Will work for wuxiang and shui jiao.

Defining moment 1: Generally, Dog keeps a low profile but he stunned all of us one day when he gave away a 300 buck handphone. And a 75 buck watch, which pales severely in comparison to previous example, until you consider it separately.

Defining moment 2: I wasn't there myself (Thank God) but this image never got out of my mind. A helpless Dog stares into the headlights of an oncoming truck while in the backseat of Goggleman's car. I would imagine Dog's life was flashing by him, since he was 2 seconds away from being road pancake. And according to Mad Dino, Dog would have been the only one amongst the 3 of them to become road pancake since the truck looks like it's gonna hit the backseat only. In the last second though, Goggleman pulled off an amazing driving stunt and saved Dog's life, but not his backseat from Dog's weak baldder.

Goggleman -- Words fail me... ...

Defining moments:

Open door of wrong car.

Asked, "Are swines male of female?"

Did the funniest salute with a rifle that anyone has ever seen.

Gave the funniest reaction when his handphone rang in the library.

Asked a waitress at Sakae Sushi how they were going to calculate our bill if they take away our plates...when we were having a buffet. (Mad Dino was part of it too, but the part he played didn't really stick.)

Said, "Watashiwa RONG!" over and over again at sakae sushi.

Introduced me to a friend who already knows me but don't exactly remember him.
(i.e. Imagine a stranger introducing you to a friend.)

I have decided to save him some face and stop here.

A question for you to ponder over, when you're free and/or bored.

Rumours have it that the moment before you die, you see your entire life flash past you eyes. Imagine that you're seeing your entire life now. Is it interesting or memorable or plain forgettable?

2006-09-03T21:05:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered why there are cyber viruses around that ravage computers?

I don't know about you....But I've rebooted my computer too many times to count, and I've lost much precious information. And therefore, imagine my horror when my laptop was ravaged by a trojan last week. My stuff are still around, and the laptop's hanging in there...But I don't know how long it's going to last. I've a year's of precious info in there that I'm praying won't be lost before I can somehow back it up.

So the question is, why are there some destuctive viruses around? The worst part being their destruction has no sane purpose other than to prove that if someone can create something, another can destroy? Why are there mad hackers out there who actually take pleasure in such senseless activities?

Well, to answer that, let's talk about what happens after it looks like your comp's not gonna make it through the virus. First thing most people do, is simply panick. Especially for first-timers who had never backed up anything. And some scream, "Why?! Oh God, why?! I've never visited a porn website, I've installed spyware detectors, ad-aware, trend office scan client, norton anti-virus, never opened an untrustworthy email...Heck, I even wear red underwears each time I switched on the computer to ward off bad luck?! SO WHY IS IT ME?" Yeah, something like that...Panick is the first reaction.

Second, you get all the help you can get. Suddenly computer geeks whom you always tease become your best pals and you call the computer aid centre so many times that your phone bills can actually pay off another computer. And when it's been decided that it's beyond recovery, and is in the final stage, you put your cd-burner into good use, as you try to burn all the info from your computer into tens of disks while praying that you haven't accidentally burned the accursed virus in too.

First time I got attacked, I burned everything I had on my hard disk into a few CDs. Then subsequently, as I got attacked time and time again, I realise that I'll end up with hundreds of CDs if I were to burn my entire hard-disk into CDs everytime I got attacked. So, subsequently, I learned the art of selection. Only the most impt information goes into the CDs. For me, scanned art, some self-composed music, and maybe some anime videos, and of course, work-related reports and information goes in too. mp3s, funny emails, music videos, your secondary 4 lab reports etc...These go down with the sinking ship. And after being attacked numerous times, I've learned to live with whatever I've salvaged. After all, these are the most impt stuff to me. Whatever I've lost, I've deemed them as unworthy of keeping. And you know, the funny thing is that if my comp had never been attacked by a virus, I probably wouldn't have deleted these useless stuff and right now, I've probably hundreds of gigs worth of cyber junk lying around my computer.

So what's my point? My point is that maybe things end (often when you least expect them to), to force you to find out what actually are the most important things. Cos you'll start asking questions like," What's thw most important files and folders I should keep? With what can I not live with? What are the things that I cherish most, that even as my current hard-disk departs, I'd not want to lose?" Questions like these that you'll never ask under ordinary circumstances. And maybe it's a pity that things and relationships end. But going through the process and learning what exactly is the most impt thing to you and putting your whole life into perspective...you know what? That may very well justify the price of losing your current hard-disk(or whatever else it is).

After all, someone once said that,"you've never learned to live, until you learn to die." Cos you'd never learn what is most impt to you till your life is ending...And this important thing is what you should be living for.

So mad hackers/virus-creators/plain-bored computer geeks who just want to do something destructive, while I still do not appreciate you wiping out my whole hard-disk, I've learned to come to terms with your senseless actions. For even to you, God has given a purpose.

Conclusion: Things end => You find out the most impt thing to cherish => Your life gets put into perspective => (Hopefully) Happily ever after (instead of becoming an empty vessel which overlooks this "impt thing")

Have you ever wondered why people die?

(Refer to top. Replace computers with humans and viruses with diseases. You'll roughly get the idea.)

Joke: There are 3 meanings when you tell a guitarist to "play by ear". Look for me if you don't get it.

2006-08-28T00:05:00.000+08:00

Edgar Allan Poe has his Crow... Now, let me have my pigeons.

The Pigeons

Early was the hour this day,

when upon a rooftop I set my gaze

And saw two pigeons move

Through the squares of my window frame.

One led and one followed

Till the lead was out of sight

And across the squares of my window

The followed took flight.

Upon a cue that I sorely missed

The lead joined in moments late.

And it amused me to bear notice

That the lead is now led instead.

The two pigeons flew away,

Nevermore to be seen again.

And I went back to my breakfast of you char kuay.

2006-08-26T01:37:00.000+08:00

Alright...after a few days of pondering, I think I should refine my previous entry...Might seem a little confusing...More to the point then...

The meaning of life, is to find a meaning in life. If you have not a meaning in life yet, then you should be at least searching for it. For instance, when one is in the dark, one does not sit down and give up hope on light. Instead, you should be searching for the light, if you haven't found it already. Even searching for the meaning of YOUR life, gives you purpose to exist. For those who have a meaning to their life, then they'll proceed form there and live for whatever meaning it is that they have found.

And it does not matter what meaning they have attached to their life. For it is all roughly same. You have something you think is the meaning of your life, be it working all your life for the love of your family, be it music, art, sports etc. Heck, I know a guy who lives to do sudoku everyday... So the thing is, you ahve something you want to do all your life, but in most cases, you'll meet impedance. That's when you must remail focused on your meaning of your life and then decide whether to the fight is worth it or not...else, there's no point fighting a pointless fight...get my point?

See, whatever meaning to your life you have attached, you just have to remain focused on it. This meaning of your life must be something in which you can earn prolonged satisfaction or joy from...so much so that you are willing to pick up the responsibilities attached with it. However, over time, as people get jaded, they only see the heavy responsibilities that they are carrying and forgot why they did it in the first place... A man goes to college in the first place to try to provide a better life for his family because he loves his family so, and he wants to continue receiving joy and blessing from them. In t he long process, he gets worn out and starts to complain about all the heavy school work and stressful competition and lack of leisure. He becomes an unfulfilled man. He should instead, be remembering the joy of being able to provide for his family in near future and the happiness he gains from being around with them. It is this wish of continuing the happiness he gains from his family that has driven him to take up the schoolwork and face the competition. Therefore, he has a clear, distinct and worthwhile purpose in his life and he should be working at the college and be happy that he is constantly moving closer and closer to his purpose.

So then you ask, "but what if he's not that bright and keeps laggin behind in studies? he won't be able to provide for his family that way." Well, like i mentioned, there is always impedance to such meanings and you ahve to choose your fights carefully. So in this case, facing the stressful competition is a worthwhile fight and so he should just fight it( fighting temptations to improve discipline, increasing memory, staying focused on studies etc.), remember why he's fighting the fight and be happy that he's at least able to do something about it...It beats being totally helpless, like the poor who wish to face the competition but have not the financial aids to attend college. And what if he fails this time round? Well, as long as you're alive, you have an infinite amount of chances to go at it again.

As some guy once said (actually, me), " A failure is only a battle lost, until you decide to give up the war." If you fail this time round, and come back again to reclaim victory, then your previous failure is only a lost battle, but you've won the war. If you choose to give up the whole thing after the failure, then it's the war you lost in that failure, not just a battle.

I.e. You never really lose until you give up. (Goggleman, this is for you.)

And if you think failures are embarrassing and they are signs of your incompetance, then think again. As another fellow(ok, me) once said, " A man who knows only success throughout, is nothing more than a failure." Because, he would never have been able to enjoy the success of coming back from a setback to reclaim victory. Pain is a good teacher and failures are good lessons. Once you get used to them, you can then start to utilise them to their maximum potential.

A word of caution: Try not to be overly obessed with your goal/meaning in life...While travelling to your destination, learn to look at the flowers by the side of the road too...i.e Side-step a little here and there and you may discover something that'll change your life or revise the meaning of your life. At worst, you'll just get to have a little fun. Else, your entire journey's in vain, and your destination means much less than it would have otherwise.

So, all I'm trying to say is that have a meaning in life and remember it...If not, then your meaning in life is to search for a meaning in life, and whatever battles you have to endure, remember your purpose and be happy about it, since a meaning in life is supposed to be joyful and gives you satisfaction. The worst thing one can do in life and to go through it without understanding anything, taking upon needless responsibilities and wearing himself out for no reason. At least if you have a meaning in life, even if you fall, get hurt or wear yourself out, you can at least say that you chose the path of your own free will. And many a times, that has been of great consolation to me. Therefore, in this case, not doing anything about life, is the worst thing that you can possibly do. People don't tell you that you're dead, or have no life without reason.

Personally, I think life is great. To be able to experience it's sweet, sour, salty, bitter and hot moments, to be able to savour a victory and get sunk by failures, to be able to enjoy the fights and brawls (not literally), to compete with fierce spirit but still able to bond with opponents, to be able to have the freedom to strain your physical body to its fullest, to be able to see the wonderful sights of nature and actions and people, to be able to smell wu xiang, to be able to hear rock music, to be able to feel for another being with your heart... ...It's beautiful...There are so many things in life to play with and enjoy...And life is really nothing more than being happy...Sure sometimes we set ourselves some goals to achieve because we want the satisfaction, and the journey turns out to be hard and you get all grouchy...But a person does not decide to climb to the top of a mountain and grumble all the way while climbing from the foot of the mountain all the way to the top...Learn to enjoy the scenery from every height of the mountain and the journey gets easier and better...

Even the shit in life smells good if you can learn to understand and appreciate it. Even nature has it that no shit=no plants=no animals= no savoury food...well, you get the idea...

And if you need a reason to be happy, just be happy that you're still alive; you still have infinite chances to redeem your mistakes, set wrong things right, and make yourself even happier(eg. reading secrets of the universe).

Love Life.

And with that, i conclude my chapter on Meaning of Life.

Next up: Meaning of Death (no guarantees when this post will be..^^;)

2006-08-22T00:13:00.000+08:00

You know I wouldn't be here if I hadn't anything important or earth-shattering to share. I've been set back a week in schoolwork cos I was chasing the mist of a dream, and a there's 6.02 x 10^23 reasons why I should be in bed or channeling my energy towards work. But I've got something important to say, and this is what I have to say.

This day, this beautiful day, I was strolling my way to the engineering canteen, and right before I entered it, a tall, almost lanky person passed by me. Surprised, I turned around and stared at his back. It can't be. That white T-shirt and checkered 3-quarters and good-looking shoes. That spiked up hair and the way that guy walks like he's trying to make his chest explode and spine implode into his back. That almost alien-like shape of a head. It can't be. But it really seem like it is. It's Mad Dino. However, before I called out to him and made a complete fool of myself, something caught my eye and I realised my mistake, shrugged and went on my way. My clue?

That guy's hairy legs. Very hairy legs. So unlike Mad Dino's silky smooth ones.

Let's get into the real topic here. After another crazy session of working really hard, I come out of my "work" with a whole new understanding to life. And here it is.

The Meaning of Life.

Many people have lived and sought hard for the meaning of life. Some found it in their own way, some never found it and many many people are searching for it. Of course, what you shall read here is my own definition, but like how a friend once summarised fashion to me,"if you like it, then it's all that matters."

Simply put, in life, just be happy. Ok, I know that sounds like a no-brainer, and you're thinking all the late nights have taken a heavy toll on me, and though I have panda eyes now, my IQ still happens to be above the Chinese treasure.

This is what I think the REAL world is. It is slightly religion-based and I have my reasons for thinking so. Reasons I'll tell you about another time. Imagine a world where eternity is the norm. There are only 2 places you can be. Heaven or Hell. Now there is one other place you can be. The world, and life, as we know it. Now this is an aberration, because there's a time limit. About 70 years these days...Used to be much longer.

Here, let me use the analogy of orientation camps. You have around 24000 days in a life. You spend 4 days at an orientation camp in NUS. Now, if we make an approximation, the rest of your life seems almost an eternity compared to the 4 days i the camp. You have a "real" life outside the camp. The camp happens to be a period of abberration (sth out of ordinary) that seems to make no contribution or sense to your "real" life. See, where I'm going? Drawn the connections to the above paragraph? Good.

Now, there are many different people in a camp. The committee gets satisfaction from organising everything and seeing things run smoothly. They gain their satisfaction and happiness there. There are those councillors, who just wanna have fun, and go crazy and live the camp and enjoy it to the fullest. It doesn't matter what they're doing; making mascots, cheering, playing games. They're just on a high all the way. Look at cheering. Look at all the silly games they play. Look at them. What they'e doing seem to make no sense. Nothing constructive at all. THough it's orientation camp, no freshmen really leaves a camp feeling orientated to the campus...More disorientated actually.

BUT, have you ever seen a sulky councillor or freshman who joined the camp? Not really, as far as I'm concerned. Cos everyone joined the camp to enjoy. To be happy. And they are happy, cos the way they enter the camps, their attitudes are right.

So, what am I trying to say? Life is just like orientation camp. It is an anomaly in a place of eternity. You go to a camp, and enjoy that limited period of time. It's that simple. Yeah sure, you get down sometimes when the rain stops you from playing games, but a good councillor always knows that indoor, stupid games like the animal game or polar bear can always save the rainy day and get everyone laughing still. And yes, you are often burnt out, especially when you don't slp for 2 days straight. But it's the happy kind of tired, where you may feel satisfied, or simply looking forward to what a new day may bring.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what your job scope is in life/camp. You can be the president of the camp. You can be the logistics. You can be a councillor. You can be the cheerleader. The end is the same. The camp will end. In life, we are common in our end--we die. But in this case, the process is much more important than the end. How you live your life, how you enjoy the camp, separates us all.

In life, we meet generally the similar things. There are the happy times, there are the sad times. There are the tired times and there is usually problems that we wish weren't there. Funny thing is how we all have sth to fight in life, and even funnier how if we have a new fight, the previous one dies down...So it's always manageable. For instance, take a black man who's fighting against prejudice. A war comes. He starts fighting for his country. And suddenly, it seems all the prejudice against blacks and whites are gone, as a new fight (for the country) erupts.

Fights. Fights to conquer fear, to conquer sorrow, to conquer prejudice etc. All of us face it in our lives. But different pple have different ways of dealing with it. Some fight it out head on, some do it the stamina way, some pple go with the flow like using a taichi stance...and often, pple run from it. But I digress. Back to track.

All I'm saying is, it doesn't matter what you do. Taking courage to chase after a faraway dream, or just being a stable if boring engineer or inventing something new or braeaking the bounds of creativity as musician or artist or inspiring pple with feats of physical perfection. It doesn't matter waht it is that we do. It is how we do it. And how we do it, should be a way that make us happy, and I don't mean suface, skin-deep happy. I'm talking about heart-felt happiness. Don't accept responsibilities which you have no idea why you're accepting for. Question yourself why you are doing everything you do, and for what purpose. For instance, you hate studying. Then think deeper and ask yourself why you're still studying if you hate it so much. Then you may realise that it boils down to you loving your family very much and wishing to provide for them. Then the happiness from realising that you're trying to fulfill this love will overshadow your hate for studying = happiness (rather than a sulky, tired face).

To be happy. Happiness can be a state of mind. That is, it can be a feeling that is cultivated, so that you always look on the right side of things and it doesn't matter what you do. You will be happy, because you're so used to being happy. Then there are others who feel that they must accomplish sth to feel happy. So they seek out sth, a dream, or whatever else, and they go at it. Accomplished or not, they'll feel happy. And then there are others, who love pple, to be happy. And then there are those, who needs to be loved to be happy. We are all a mixture of the above kinds. Just like any councillor that enters a camp. They willingly entered into their job scopes and they're happy about it.

The most pitiful kind of pple would be those who doesn't even want to be happy. Or even know what makes them happy. They prefer to sulk their way through life and lament at everything = a person joining orientation camp with a sulky face and complaining about lousy games, lousy food etc. What then, is your point in camp if not to have fun and make merry? Such a person would truly miss the whole point of the camp or rather, the meaning of Life itself.

Now, I'll just like to backtrack a little and de-idealise things a little. Orientation camps are not completely useless. It actually serve 2 purposes with it's seemingly brainless cheering and silly games. Firstly, it allows pple to make contacts and forge bonds. That is the real orientation. Analogy in life? Maybe our purpose in life, besides being happy, is to reach out to people. Like Mad Dino mentioned, the great thing in life is knowing that you are part of a community and that every thing you do has an impact on others. Secondly, it is to get the freshmen ready and excited about college life. And of succeeded, these freshmen comes back next year to introduce yet another batch of freshmen and get them excited about uni life. Analogy in life? We were babes whose parents have passed on the joy and happiness of living to. Our job, now that we truly see the joy of living, is to pass on this joy and happiness of Life, to the next generation. Our children. Just like a martial artist takes a disciple and passes down his skills, just like a cook taking an apprentice, a teacher taking a student...We pass on Life itself to the next batch of people.

To summarise, the Meaning of Life is to be happy, reach out to one another fellow lives, and pass on the happiness to the next batch. Don't hold back. After all you have only 4 days in your 24000 days to party. You have only 70 years in an eternity to "live". After which, if you're good, you can be with God and Jesus, and then continue. But that'll depend on how you do in your 4 days.

Welcome to Life, and I sincerely hope you'll enjoy your stay. This is Reve your tour guide, signing out.

2006-07-25T23:35:00.000+08:00

Reality is not something I return to...It is a chain I'm trying to break free from.

okok...school sem's opening soon again, and i've just sealed my fate with the decision to join orientation week...1 less week of slug behaviour for me...but then, my social skills can do some brushing up too...anyway, here's a secret of the universe i've always been meaning to write, but never found the time...or feel...so anyway, here it is...

In the show "Inside the actors' studio", the host often ask stars a series of short questions towards the end. One of the questions is "What turns you on?" Many stars, including cameron diaz and charlize theron(whom I find, is an extremely intelligent and therefore sexy person) answered "laughter".

Now, laughter is a beautiful thing. It turns me on too. And I do remembering mentioning before that I find a person most beautiful when he/she is laughing or exhibiting honest amusement. But I'm writing this and I suppose you should already be expecting a secind answer from me. Well, before I go into the second answer, I'll just like to talk about the recent superman movie.

Superman returns. Directed by Bryan Singer, the guy who failed to meet my expectations in his 2 x-men movies. Mad Dino hated this movie. Another friend claimed it was great, if a little anti-climax. And my sister absolutely hates Superman. The character itself. Well, Superman isn't my favourite character, and Bryan Singer hasn't really outdone himself in this movie. There were hits and there were misses (The part about Lois having a son is BAD BAD BAD) and the theme of the movie is pretty much classical. Old cliches like superman lifting a car(that's the cover for the first issue of his comic, back in 1938), saving lives and his vulnerability to krytonite were all utilised in the classic manner. Well, it appeals to some, like comic fans and fans of the old superman movies, and it turns some others off. And I don't blame the mixed reviews. I myself have mixed feelings about the movie myself.

Anyway, back to the main thing. One of the things that the movie did was to remind everyone of who Superman is again. My sis doesn't like superman. I think she doesn't understand the beauty of this character. You see, Superman is everything. His powers have grown with writer's imagination over the years. He started out lifting a car. Now he can lift a damn planet. He used to be just faster than a speeding bullet. Now he's moving at the speed of light. He's got the perfect physique and abilities to do absolutely ANYTHING. Imagine that. A man so powerful enough to do every and anything. But in the movie, Superman wasn't the main character. He's the supporting cast. Who then is the main character? Clark Kent. And I'd just like to commend on Brandon Routh on his portrayal of Clark. It was fantastic. I mean seriously, anybody with a six pec can act as Superman. You just have to do a lot of CGI on him and he just have to go around saying, "Are you ok?" with an kind face. So simple even I can do it.

But Clark Kent is the one that captures everyone's attention and make them hold their breaths in anticipation in the movie. It is what tugs at everyone's mind and heartstrings. The question on the audience's mind has always been,"So how's it gonna work out between him and Lois?". And of course, "Who's that damn kid?" and definitely,"What the hell is Cyclops doing here in between Clark and Lois?!" (Note: James Marsden acted as the bloke who's Lois fiancee. James acted as Cyclops in X-men too.) Now everyone knows Lois and Clark got married in the end. But you can't help but cross your fingers as you watch the flick. There was never any question whether he was gonna kick Lex's baldie butt all over the place even with the darn kryptonite. It was his uncertain relationship with Lois that got me hooked.

What exactly am I trying to say here? Well, firstly, that a man who can have anything under the sun, cannot get what he wants most--Lois' love. In that aspect, he relates to the everyman on the street. It doesn't matter whether you can fly at the speed of light or whether you can gobble a doughnut at the speed of light. It's as if you can go to a bar with Superman and become drinking buddies as you guys grumble over love affairs. He's a man who can have many things, but not what he wants most...Just like you and me. By reminding us of ourselves, Superman, or rather Clark Kent is acting out our lives. That is the bullseye of the movie. It takes the Super out and show you the man beneath the cape.

Secondly, the movie shows you how human Superman's soul is. How ironic is it that in our quest to become Super in our world, we have been losing bits and pieces of the 'man' side of us. Superman can do anything. But his soul is more human than anyone of ours. He never forgot the Clark side of himself. Many of us, in our journey to become strong like superman, forsook the humane part of our souls, jumping at every opportunity to inch forward. Funny is it not? that we humans, need an alien to remind us how to be humane. Superman can do all sorts of funny things with his powers. He didn't. And all for what? Lex Luthor's spite? The public's spite? Not being able to lead a normal life? He doesn't get crap for what he does, but he does it anyway. Why? Cos he didn't do it for himself. He did it for everyone else. In the face of all damnation and difficulties, Clark Kent chose to be Superman for what he thinks is right. That, my friends, is his true strength.

So, back to the question. what turns me on? Firstly, vulnerabilities. Everyone's vulnerable in this world. There is no immortal Superman. Even Superman himself. He is a beautiful character because he is still vulnerable within. Capable of being hurt. That is being human. Nobody wants to read a story about a man who can do anything and is not capable of getting hurt. He's plain boring. And it doesn't capture our attention cos we can't relate to or understand such a man. Superman speaks to the everyman, cos he can be hurt and that's what brings him close to our hearts. A man silently, sadly staring at the sunset. A superman looking downon Earth from the vastness of space, his anguish indescribable. These are the moments that turn me on. A superman showing his vulnerability. He lets his mask of strength falls in such moments, and what you see is the truest, purest and hauntingly beautiful human beneath. These moments haunt my corridors of my mind. I took up art to purge them.

Also, a sequel to these sorts of haunting scenes, has to undoubtedly be the strive to conquer all fears and difficulties to do what you believe should be done, for truth and righteousness. If a man just keep wallowing in his problems, showering himself with self-pity, now that's a loser. A man who takes a break and then summons up courage and strength to kickass against all his obstacles, ow that's a hero. And that, is another great, beautiful side of humans. The strive against all pain, the make-it-or-die spirit. Staring at uncertainty in the eye and challenging it for what you believe is right. Humans are weak. But the spirit is strong. Seeing the strong spirit pushing the weak body, seeing the weak humans pushing to become strong beyond belief, that, is beautiful. That's why turnover stories and stories about black horses are so popular.

The weakness of humans and the drive to overcome this weakness, is the beauty of humans. And this sort of beauty, definitely turns me on.

2006-07-22T21:36:00.000+08:00

Holy, you tell yourself.

You scratch your head and you are puzzled.

Confounded.

Dumbfounded.

Crikey! Criminy! Shiminy! Blimey! Niminy! Fiminy! Lily! Nini!

And there is still no answer to the question.

What question you ask? Crikey, Criminy! Shiminy...(ok, i'm tired, let's skip this part)

The question: Why indeed, has the number of blog entries fallen drastically in the past 2 months? It IS the holidays, is it not? Where then indeed, have all the time and energy been channeled into, if not writing a new entry?

Answer: I have decided not to bare my thoughts in public any longer! That would mean that no one else shall come to know my highly enigmatic and unpredictable mind! The secrets of my mind shall remain as they are! Secrets! Locked away in the safe sanctuary of my skull...hmm...cheese... *wanders off*

Seriously though, isn't it weird? It seems pple are more busy during the hols than when the school term starts...Anyway, here's a few munchies to feed you hungry minds...

Caption: "It was just really strong gel."

There is no doubt. I really dislike spiky hairstyles. Especially that depicted in the picture. Like that of sum41's frontman. Wasting so much time and gel to make your hair into such an unnatural and uncomfortable state, i hereby declare spiky hairstyles to be the worst human art ever.

There is no doubt. I was drunk. Alcohol + rock music + late night + art = above. But then again, I guess we feel like this once in a while,don't we? Or is it just me? Like when you wake up in the morning and realised you wet your bed? At the age of 22? Or when you think that nothing is really that big of a deal anymore? Yeah. That's when you should realise that you're drunk.

2006-07-21T11:56:00.000+08:00

Yeeeeep....Erdinger, the powerful beer...Note to Erdinger executives: If sales go up, I demand advertising fees...Else, leave me alone...This is the last of the 3 stooges I hang out with...Can you guess which is the most difficult part about this caricature? Yeah, you got it. Remembering where the gazillion moles are... ...^^;

2006-07-11T12:42:00.000+08:00

A piece done for a friend who asked for encouragement. Can you unlock the secrets behind this painting? Da Vinci Code way? If you can, let me know. Cos I can't. And if you can, you're thinking too much.

Cos Reve is now stupid. Reve is stupid because his brain has grown mouldy. And like good cheese, the more mouldy Reve's brain get, the tastier and more aromatic it becomes. And Reve likes good cheese. So Reve eats brain. And Reve gets stupid. And...(*repeat process)

2006-06-22T00:35:00.000+08:00

Tidbits of secrets of the universe

He who listens is always wiser than he who blabbers. For he who blabbers knows only what he says, wheareas he who listens knows both the his own thoughts and that of the blabberer.

Implication: Next time I tell you guys about secrets of the universe, it's only courtesy that you tell me what you think. For I don't wish to bare my own thoughts without stripping you of yours =)

The problem with girls is that they don't talk. The problem with guys is that they don't listen.

Implication: Relationships are hard work.

Bad times are always good training.

Implication: You never seem to get out of good training for long in life. Relax. Learn to be more optimistic...

--Playing with words--

If , as adidas says, impossible is nothing

==> nothing is impossible

Note how cliche this sentence already is. In addition, if impossible is nothing, and nothing is impossible, then picture the following:

Climber A (ecstatic): YESssss!!! We climbed Everest!!! We did THE impossible!!!

Climber B (nonchalant): Yeah. So...we just did nothing.

~~silence~~

Climber B: You sonuva bitch!!! You just made me train for 2 years to make us do nothing?!

*breaks into fight with climber A*

*After a while both roll over the peak and plunge to their deaths*

*And they continue doing the impossible (i.e. nothing) for eternity after pple covered their coffins and buried them six feet under*

Implication: It's time to switch to a new slogan, Adidas.

At sentosa one day, my friend asked me to look at her skirt. She had sewn on "h" and "w" with some beads and some-girly-stuff-that-i-haven't-a-clue-about. It stands for the initials of her name.

Now at this point, anyone with a brain will say,

"Wow, that's nice..."

Anyone with half a brain will say,

"Wa, dat's nize..."

Anyone with a chicken-sized brain will say,

"Pa-kok!"

Anyone without a brain will say,

"You've got really hot legs..."

However, I'm special. Having a black hole for a brain (-ve brain), I said,

"Check out my board shorts. I also have my name on it."

*After a while*

I said to her,

"Hi, my name is Ah-bong. Bill Ah-bong."

2006-06-13T23:55:00.000+08:00

For Lim Adik,
He who has told me that he likes military novels, but has failed to bring up any titles when interrogated.

Battle of the Tuesday Lunchtime Hour

The day started out normally enough. I was on my way to work at Fisherman's Wharf, a place where an endless war against hungry, growling stomachs is waged everyday. As usual, i had my combat outfit on--the blue uniform shirt that I treat more as a handy rag tha a shirt, khaki pants, well-grooved sneakers, my "Yu-Kee" duck rice( to battle against my own ravenous stomach later) and of course, my uncombed madman-ish hair. Indeed, everything was so normal that the only thing that is remotely out of place is that I met a fellow combatant on the journey to the battlefield.

The time was 1058. Exactly on time, exactly like every other day. Fishing out the keys to open the shutter, I thought about how the peaceful place that lies beyond is going to turn into a rowdy battleground in what would seem only like a moment's time. As the shutter rolled up effortlessly with its usual noisy clanging, almost as if it's complaining that it has to start work again, the diner and its kitchen revealed itself to me.

A few steps into the diner and I knew something was not right. It was an instinctive feel that comes with battle-worn senses but the sort that one would have difficulty in identifying its source. It was still quiet and peaceful, but it was of a very different sort. The atmosphere of the diner was not one that is sleepy and just waking up to become a battlefield again. It was more worn-out sort of peaceful.

"As if a battle had already taken place," I thought to myself. At that moment, as I entered my battle station in the kitchen, I came face to face with battalion Jason tackling a trayload of beef chunks, frying them in the huge pot that we usually use to fry fishes. I barely worried for him, and did not even offer any help. After all, battalion Jason is the most experienced amongst us with more than 20 years of experience under his belt. In fact, he indorectly trained all the combat units at Fisherman's Wharf. To offer help would have been an insult. Instead, I concerned myself with the battleground itself, taking in all the details without even consciously doing so. The place was indeed a used battleground, evident from the remnants of the battle waged. Several used and oily trays were in the basin, the fires of the fryers and the oil pot were already lit, and for more than a while it seems, from the amount of heat that was emanating from them. The fans were already on, and so was the ventilator.

I shook my head. It was bad. For one thing Fisherman's already low on supplies. Fries, an important ammo, was already wiped out on sunday night. We'd have to contend with simply chips. Essentially, that means we had to wage a war with only half of the ammunition, like going into a fight with one arm. What makes it worse is that chips are manually hand made fries; that is it's extremely labour intensive to build up our ammunition of chips. With fries out of commission, the only substitute was chips and that didn't leave me with much choice. The main problem however, was that we happened to be out of potatoes too. Fortunately, at that point in time, we still have 2.5 boxes of cut chips, which should be able to last, at least through today. We just need to boil it and then fry it, and they're ready to go. A check at the other ammunition revealed less optimism. We're down to 1 can of oil (there goes the 20mm rounds), 2 catfish(there goes the P226 rounds) and less than the normal amount of dory fish( meaning a low supply of 5.56mm rounds). This is not going too well.

When I returned from my inventory check, battalion Jason had just overcome the chunky beef. Upon a quick questioning, he told me that the battle was "operation: catering" and had started at 5am by the commander-in-chief (Boss) and that he had joined the battle at 7 with only a few hours of rest(world cup). Battalions Jason and Vincent(the next most elite) were considerably worn down already, and would be able to offer little help in the day's battle ahead. As battalion Jason rested, i started on my duties, for time has trickled away and i had less time than usual to prepare for the battle, and more things than usual to do. Btw, battalion Jason wasted an entire pot of oil for the battle with the beef chunks and I was supposed to reload it. However, the bad news was not to end. For, after a brief moment, CIC(commander in chief) requested battalion Jason and Vincent off for the final leg of opration catering. That essentially meant that I was left alone to face the entire of the fearsome lunchtime crowd. As far as I can recall, only battalion jason seemed to have waged that sort of battle and won. It wasn't open to debate, unfortunately. for the CIC had already made up his mind. I bade a curt farewell to the battalions and hurried to my work for there is now more to do, and still lesser time to prepare for the war. In short, my job would be to do the sai-kang to clear up operation:catering and sai-kang to prepare for operation: lunch hour. Just do it man, cos fishes don't fry by themselves, I thought, as I steeled myself and dived into work.

It was 11.30. Recce battalion(waitress/cashier) Moon asked for permission to open for business.

"Eh, are we ready to open now?"

to my great dismay, I had barely finished preparing and was in the process of changing the pot of oil that battalion jason laid waste upon. As such, i had absolutely no oil for frying fishes and was therefore extremely vulnerable. But like any well-trained soldier, I only answered,

"Always ready."

I figured it was like any other day...No one comes to do battle immediately after the battlefield's open. But it was a mistake for I should've known by then that that fateful day was anything but ordinary. An order for 1 x dory takeaway came shooting in 2 minutes after the battle ground opened. I still have no oil yet, but I do have my wits still, and having cooperated and commandeered the newly formed battalion Louis recently(which, btw, is an extreme pleasure to work with), my specialist instincts had been harshly sharpened again.

There was no time to waste. A small pot was whipped out in the stead of the usual larger one and oil was heated up with strong fire. With glistening sweat on my forehead and rolling by the sides of my eyes and my finger and hand muscles straining to hasten every bit of the cooking possible, I managed to deliver the good without any complaints. That may have been a skirmish won, but it has thrown me off course in my oil changing and may result in an eventual loss of the day's battle. I did not stop to revel in my little victory therefore.

15 minutes later. I had all the basic preparations up and ready. But it was still ominous, for though I had the basics to wage the afternoon battle, the supplies won't last into the night. And if I was tied up fending off the ravenous lunchtime crowd, there was no way I could get the supplies for the dinner up in time. While I was pondering over this and taking a breather and clearing up the kitchen table, recce battalion Moon came into the kitchen and made me a sign--28. In that instant, I was almost crushed by the tension that had suddenly frozen the air.

(A little background knowledge: 1 x kitchen staff can generally handle 4-6 orders at one shot without major problems. With experience, perhaps even 10. With enough experience like battalion Jason, more than 10, but such experience is not likely to be available to temp staff like me. 28, all things considered, is a massacre of the kitchen staff)

I decided to take a look at my antagonizers, peeping from behind the blue curtain that separates the kitchen from the dining room. It was 2 indian teachers who brought with them 26 kids. And just when things can't get any worse, they decide to prove you wrong. Another 8 customers walked in and sat themselves down at a joined table.

There was no escape. One does not run from any battles in Fisherman's, whether or not one is a perm staff. I had to grit my teeth and somehow pull or crawl my way through the entire ordeal. But as with many things, the reverse takes over when a side is pushed to the limit. I started feeling euphoric then and adrenalin was feeding my body with ecstatic energy. And unbelievable as it may sound, I was looking forward to the showdown between 36 hungry stomachs. In addition, while I may not be as experienced as battalion Jason, I have been through stuff like "battle of the Vesak day eve","the 2-man battle of the saturday night" and "battle of the 41-reserved orders". All memorable battles that I may perhaps write about some other time, but at that moment, i was drawing upon the lessons and confidence of all those battles and bracing myself for the moment the orders are sent through to me. The only diff between those battles and now was that in all the other battles, I faced it with at least one other person. But this day, it's a solo show--my great solo. I was like a hunting leopard, ready for the pounce that'd set off the chase; I was the 100m runner at the great Olympics, ready to give it all at the sound of a gunshot; I was the NSF who was going to ORD in 10 days, straining against all bonds and restrictions, ready to lose myself at a moment's notice that I've ORDed. So intent was I that I had not realised that my perspiration was streaming down my face, nor did I notice the heat of the kitchen more than the air that I breathe.

First the footsteps of the recce battalion Moon. 1,2,3,4...and the order was through. 3 chicken fingers with coleslaws, 13 dory fish with chips. And the monster was loose. First 13 tartar and 3 honey mustard sauces were out in a flash and a few brisk steps brought me to the fryers. I loaded 2 basketfuls of chips and into the oil they went. 13 dorys and 12 individual chicken fingers were picked out by my nimble fingers with an sharp mind for mathematics. Into the flour they went adn into the batter and into the heated pot of oil...Because the pot of oil can hold only 5 dorys at any one time, the order was split into 3 x flour-batter. And after the pot went the fish into the fryers, and that was when I realised that the chips had IAed. Apparently, I've put in 16 orders of chips into a fryer that can hold probably about only 12 orders of chips, and as a result they were not cooking as fast as the fish. That is a problem because the optimum scenario was to have the chips and fish cooked at the same time to make sure both are hot when served.

"IA IA!!" I cried. Turning the fryer temperature higher by 25 degrees celsius, I proceeded to fish out the first batch of cooked dorys from the second fryer. With a set of tongs, the 16-18 sets of chips was soon split over 4 baskets. They were cooked to the tasty golden-brown colour and portioned out while at the same time I was reading the new order(from the 8 pple), preparing the sauces, getting out the raw fish and frying the rest of the dorys and fingers. My mind was moving at a frantic pace all the time and kept switching from one thing to another.

"Are the fishes done?"
"The chips?"
"How many more chips to fry?"
"What's the new order?"
"How many dorys have I sent out?"
"Enough chips to last or should I boil more?"

Fingers that had been trained as a result of working with battalion Jason for long periods of time found grooves in trays and baskets and fish tails by themselves. The swaying motion of fishesas they were floured and battered couldn't have been done faster and my legs were spread out as much as I could so everythings's available within a few strides. zip! zip! My hands were darting about at the speed of light and I do believe at some points, they went faster than the speed of light and travelled back into the past.

Then came the first Good sign. The recce battalions Moon and Sharon entered the kitchen to offer whatever help they could. Not the first time that has happened to me, but it was a surprise each time for some recce battalions have bad relations with combat battalions like us. Nevertheless, I wasted no time in being surprised and dished out orders to open the caps of the sauces containers etc.

Zip! Zip! Zip! And believe it or not, the first 16 orders were done in 15-20 min. No time to savour the victory as I dived right into the next order which was 8 set lunches and 1 snowfish. The sauces, the chips, the flour-batter, the oil...It was a waltz, working out and battling all the orders. to the fryers and out to the fridge and to the batter and the oil and transfer the fishes ti the oil...the spatula, the tong, the basket, the trays, the salt, the fingers, all dancing to the frantic rhythm of the battle...A few more relatively insignificant skirmishes with much smaller orders took place, which include an order with 4 dorys and 1 set of meatballs, and I happened to have a few moments of breather when battalion Louis comms to inform that he'll be aiding me for dinner. And that was when the next order of 10 dorys came in and the dance begins anew.

1400H. The orders are still coming in steadily, if by a trickle. No time for more than a breather between the orders, but I was thankful for those anyway. Another blow came when recce battalions sharon and moon discovered that the mash potato had gone bad and the whole tub had to be thrown away. There goes the M203, I thought. By 1430H we were out of mash potato, out of fries, out of meatballs, nearly out of catfish, nearly out of dory. And I was out of breath. Then I took a peep again from behind the blue curtain, at the satisfied faces of the children and the rest of the customers, and smiled silently from within. My big solo, accomplished. And unlike real battles where everyone involved loses, this is one battle where everyone involved wins.

A call came in. It's battalion Jason's comms set no.

"Hey man, I'm too tired. I don't think I'll be coming back. Are you busy? Do you need me to come back to help out?"

And like any good soldier... ...

"Nope, no problem at all," I answered, and sealed my fate till the hour battalion Louis arrived to find me half dead with fatigue, and it was after an even longer while before I was able to arrive home and type for 3 hours, this short novel on the "Battle of the Tuesday Lunch hour: My Big Solo"...

Note: Everything was sensationalised. It was actually a fairly simple affair really and it didn't really stress me up that much. the facts were however, pretty much exact to the details. For that matter, sales was greater during lunch than dinner today. Which happens just about once in a lifetime. And the last true fact of this story: I am very tired. Bye.

2006-06-01T01:11:00.000+08:00

Crap, just realised you can't read the words...

Dialogues

Survival of the fittest

Running man: Oh no! The last of the no-eyelash species are falling behind! Their sweat are stinging their eyes! They'll be extinct!

No-eyelash species: My bak-jiu!!!!

Ho-Lan

Soldier: Erm...Mr president, are you sure we are in the right place?

President: Where IS the touch screen on this thing?

Note: In case you can't see, the president's holding a compass. Traditional compass.

2006-06-01T00:50:00.000+08:00

Never knew your eyelashes could have given you the edge to continued existence, huh? Thought of this while I was jogging one day, and realised how imt the lashes were to keeping sweat out of the eyes...

Self-explanatory. I don't usually like politics and I try to steer away from any related things, but really... It's unresistably ironic at times...

Completion of 16 years of education is a moment to be cherished. Doing anything for 16 years is remarkable by itself. Doing it for 16 years without going nuts is rare. HAving done that for 16 years without going nuts and staying beautiful? Now, that, is a great achievement.. ...

Actually, I have no idea what the heck I'm writing...M eyes are glazed over from the lack of sleep over the past few days, and I'm not sure I'm not dreaming... ...I hope I did indeed draw these pictures though...As always, I'll just let them speak for themselves...

2006-05-21T01:07:00.000+08:00

Which sea creature is the rudest?

Answer: The oysters. They call everyone else by "oy".

ARGH!! TOO...TOO...TOO MUCH FISHES SWIMMING AROUND MY HEAD!!

2006-05-18T00:18:00.000+08:00

Inconsideration can, at times, be a fault of innocence.

The best time to train is when you are absolutely deadbeat.

If something needs to be done, do it. Cos fishes don't fry by themselves. And potatoes don't peel their own skins. And vegetables don't swim around in mayonnaise on their own to become coleslaw. And...You get the idea.

2006-05-08T23:48:00.000+08:00

I helped out at a catholic church charity fair recently. As otah seller...yeah, yeah, what else can a potato peeler do right? I got sore legs from standing all morning and burnt fingers from packing the smoking otahs and a very nice and rare compliment. One of the girls helping asked me for my age...having been insulted once too many times, I decided to tease her...

"How old do you think I am?"

"Erm...20?"

I became a warrior otah seller that day.

Besides all these, I cannot help but have a thought that keep running through my head that whole morning---

Damn, these otahs DO look like my camouflage uniforms... ...

2006-05-06T22:21:00.000+08:00

I...I think I'll just let the painting speak for itself...

2006-04-30T15:51:00.001+08:00

You know what? After 67 entries of mind-boggling theories, you guys deserve a treat. So, I'm going to through the troublesome task of taking and show you some nice pics of stuff about me, and what I think of them. This is probably as personal as I'll ever get online, so here we go!

Bronze trophy for north zone pair skipping competition. Yes, skipping. I won interclass group gold and dumex national synchronise gold before too. I entered a speed skipping category also, and clocked 200+ jumps a minute. And still lost^^; Oh, and there were only 3 pairs for this pair competition. So, I kinda got this by default, heh.

I've been building Gundam models since I was 12. By right, I should have at least 6 1/100 scale models, and at least 3 1/144 scaled ones. My mistake was letting too many kids play with the models. Parts were broken, more than 2 were lost...My heart still bleeds every time I think about it. Each model takes between 4-8 hours to complete. The ones you see here are all tough survivors of the greatest menace anyone can face-- A little brother.

Gundam Seed, Strike gundam. This is a gift from my friend for my birthday. Personally, I like Gundam Wing's models better cos their designs are just neater and more intricate. Seed's designs are retro and simplistic, almost to the point of being kiddish. However, it does have the advantage of being much hardier than Wing models. This one took 4 hours to complete, partly because it's easy, and partly because I'm more experienced. My siblings are however adamant to test the hardiness. My sister broke a wing when she accidentally sat on it within 2 days of completion, and within another week, another wing was broken by a strong gust of wind that caused it to crash from a high place. What the heck is it doing in a high place in the first place?! (Look to my little brother). It's really sad when your siblings don't even try to understand how much some things mean to you. But I still love them, those **********.

Tools of the trade. Without needing to take art for almost 10 years now, I've never really bought paintbrushes or poster colours. Instead, I'm just scavenging whatever that my little brother has to offer. Some water colours, poster colours, a few good brushes and lots of cheap china brushes. yeah, I always believed that a good workman can make good works out of lousy tools.

Running shoes. All worn and torn. It's been with me for 3 years already, and though I say they're running shoes, I use them for all kinds of sports, from soccer to basketball. Just not swimming. Both front soles have separated from the base of the shoes and there really isn't much grip from the worn soles.So I gotta be really careful when running on slippery surface. Other than that, they're still a good old pair of chiong sua buddies. i'd like to keep them even after they get de-commissioned sometime later. Gotta go through RQ though(My mum). The mistresses!!! These 2 guitars have been through thick and thin with me...The classical one has been with me since I was 16. The electric one has been added only 3 months ago, but it already has tide me through many a stressful periods. Gotta love the way it squeals. really gets me high. Yeah! After I added the electric one, a lot of pple asked me if I'm gonna neglect the classical one. Well, firstly, I don't neglect stuff that're mine. Even if they are flawed. I still love them because they are, well, mine. Besides, the classical has a soft touch when you do finger plucking with it that the electric one cannot match. So yeah, I still play the classical one. But which one I play really depends on the song and mood I'm in. And one more thing. though I keep calling them my mistresses, I don't really see them as female. Especially when I'm unleashing the beast with the electric one on some rock songs. It becomes more like a great buddy than a soft mistress.
And these are guitar picks. I've played guitar for 5 years now, but I've only started playing with picks a year ago. It really set me back by a lot in advance class, but I'm really glad I pulled through. Not extremely adept with the pick yet, but it's good enough to make pple think I'm good, heh. I've tried 0.6mm, 0.8mm and 1.0mm. I prefer 0.8mm. Hard enough to get a good grip for plucking and flexible enough for good strumming. Design wise, I like the black pick best, with the gold letters, but the red and blue ones are the ones I used for practice most often. Can tell by theur faded words and blunt tips.

I call this picture, the my path of music. Basically, I was just trying the captured the feel of how I travelled along the calssical guitar path(by learning to play it first), and reaching the stage where I think I'm good enough to play with an electric, which has always been my goal.

This always reminds me that when I'm ready to give(first or otherwise), I'll always receive.
This is a NJC bear that I bought at a fair way back then. It's wrapped up to keep the dust off and if you can see the red leaf it's holding against it's left cheek? I picked it up on the streets of Melbourne last autumn.
These always remind to be strong whenever I feel burned out. They remind me of all the trials I've gone through to be who I am today, and they always tell me, if I can do the impossible once, I can do it again. The stuff that I went through, maybe a lot of other people have gone through it too. But whoever said that just because a lot of people went through it, it's any easier? The "Chang" was made with gold and silver wire by a friend. And no, it's not who you guys think she is.
My workstation for all things computerised. Microphone for recording songs, earphones from Emirates, and an IBM baby that set me back 2300 bucks. Well worth it though, I'll say. But again, it's one of those things that your siblings dpn't even try to understand how much it means to you. The way they handle the mouse and all...My heart just bleeds...But as long as it's free from spywayre and virus, I'm a contented man. The orange cloth is for the electric guitar, btw.

Before I collected comics, I collected trading cards. Marvel Universe 1994 was a staple, along with some fleer ultra etc. I love the Mark Bagley Spiderman series, and honestly, Bagley was my first inspiration, and he still is damn good. I never completed any series of trading card though. But before my guitar and comics, these were what pulled me through exams and homeworks.

Just a book shelf filled with some textbooks...a 2000 page physics text, sociology,maths...Some year books etc. Can tell I don't study a lot,heh.

All comics. Kept in plastic and backed with acid-free backing boards. Some are worth up to 20 US dollars, but I've decided not to sell any of my comics. Firstly because I don't suppose any price can truly measure the worth of how much they mean to me, and secondly, I've sold a comic off before. And when I saw how crumpled the comic was after a week, my heart just bleeds again. Yeah, you must be wondering how come I don't have a heart attack yet, considering all those bleeding. Well, to tell you the truth, each time it bleeds, I'd a heart attack.

And then some more comics and vcds. This box is for japanese animation and comics. I like Hack Sign, trigun, Samurai 7, last exile amongst many others.

A violin clock and big ben model. Big ben model was a 12th brithday present. The violin clock, I won in an outing with my tuition gang. I got it when I was 12 too. Ma, didn't realise it's been that long. At night, when it's really quiet, you can hear the tick tick tick of the second hand, and it lulls me to sleep. If I'm not deadbeat by then.

My bling bling! Remember the presents my relatives and mother gave? Well, here they are. from left, the steering wheel, the abacus, the silver cross from my mum(This is really what tides me through every single obstacle) and the POSB-looalike key from my dad's 21st birthday.

That's why you're in for a treat! How many pple show you the dirty parts of the room? Well, for me, it this little tunnel I always have trouble cleaning. And that's it! Of course there are some stuff not featured here, but if you know me well, you probably have seen them before. Ok, I'm late for church. Till the next entry... ...

2006-04-30T15:51:00.000+08:00

Just a book shelf filled with some textbooks...a 2000 page physics text, sociology,maths...Some year books etc. Can tell I don't study a lot,heh.

And then some more comics and vcds. This box is for japanese animation and comics. I like Hack Sign, trigun, Samurai 7, last exile amongst many others.

2006-04-16T19:03:00.000+08:00

Wrote another song today....Heard it in my dreams after I was knocked out by a flu tablet...Weird huh? But ideas always come to me most often during this alleviated-stress period...Oh well...Back into the cheery world where the old men are...Einstein, Ampere, Karl Marx, Max Weber, Faraday, Maxwell, Planck, Guass... ...I love you old fools!! Did you miss me?!

2006-04-14T21:23:00.000+08:00

I wanted to say something about the talk I just saw between MM Lee and some young Singaporeans...But I realised I'm too lazy...Suffice to say that MM Lee's statements made much more sense to me...It felt a conversation between a father and child...Not those nice nice ones though...more like a child in teenagehood questioning all the rules...And MM Lee was like a father( a strict one, I'll say), explaining why all the rules are there to keep those children from hurting themselves...

So anyway, let's get to the main topic...It's just some overdue thoughts about liberalism thinking or whatever it is that Mad Dino introduced me to...We had a little argument over that, and while I was on the attacking end then, I realised I had a similar conception a few updates ago...About how wrong I was to think that I'm right and try to impose my rules on others and all...the one where I shamefully admitted my pride...

But after some thinking, this is what I can figure from liberalism thinking...frm the little amount that was introduced to me then...Well, I might just make a big fool out of myself and might have totally intepreted liberalism concept wrongly, but I've got a disclaimer...it's absolute chaoss!! So this might make a good absolutechaoss entry or a totally logical, messed up one... here goes..

3 ways we can live our lives:

1) Follow a set of existent or self-created rules(eg.capitalism,religion,moralism,democracy or whatever...etc etc.), based on personal reasoning of why we should follow those principles

2)Follow a little of some or every sets of rules, based on personal reasoning of why we should follow those rules

3)No rules, and therefore, no reasoning. This would mean responses to any situation is based on impulses of the moment, without need for reasoning...makes one totally unpredictable, and very animal-like

4) Follow every single rule from every single set of rules based on personal reasoning...Because some rules from different sets of rules tend to conflict each other, this option is thoeretically not possible, and shall be ignored.

Now, from what I was told, liberalism, is absolutely free...free from any sort of rule to dictate your life...Well, if that is true, then it appears that (3) is the way humans should live their lives if they follow liberalism ideas...No need for any rules, so you don't have to consider the sitution(i.e. no need to reason) and live your life, well, much like animals...

However(!), being totally free from any rules, also mean that you can pick any sets of rules to live with...But you may not stick with it...Or, you may pick all of the rules to live with...Or, you may pick a little of any rules to live with...Does that sound familiar? Yeah, basically, liberalism means that you don't have to stick with any one option from above. You can hop around between 1, 2 and 3. Well, that sounds to me, that I might summarise up liberalism as taking a little of everything...Not just in terms of rules, but in terms of all the possible ways of living a life(i.e. options 1, 2 and 3)...You may even choose 1, 2 or 3 singly, or combine them and lead your life as 1&2,1&3,2&3 or 1&2&3...

Therefore, it seems to me that absolute liberalism is no rules, and therefore, all rules(or a little of all rules)...In mathematical terms, no number, is as good as any number or all numbers from -infinity to +infinity...

In a sense, liberalism, is nothing...and everything.

That is my conclusion.

Now for application...in a way, liberalism is followed by everyone, only to different extents...because everyone's principles change and no one is certain that his way is the ultimate way(I shall refrain from talking about the ultimate way of christianity...well, maybe I should...it's good friday after all...So anyway, Christ is the ultimate way...)so all pple embrace liberalism to switch about their principles at some point...Well, there are those who try to impose their beliefs and principles on others, but perhaps at some point, they'll modify their thinking too...

But those who do not, are either, stubbornly blind to possible changes in their principles, or are absolutely right, and knowing that, find no reason to change their ways...

Now, I was told that there is no right or wrong. As of this moment, I find difficulty in proving that staement right, or wrong...Well, simply because the statement says such activity is pointless, since there is no right or wrong...But if the statement is not right or wrong, then what exactly does the statement say? That, is an interesting direction to ponder in...hmm...

But like I've always emphasized, I (shall not impose this thinking, but persuade you to think likewise) believe in an ultimate right and an ultimate wrong...Electric and magnetic may be the same thing actually(electrmagnetic), and time and distance may also actually be one thing too(dimension), but right are wrong are distinct and apart. There is black and there is white. There is dark and there is light. They are not the same.

All humans are born white (I don't mean skin colour). But all have been tainted and now exist in different shades of gray. I pray none will fall to black.

2006-04-13T20:34:00.000+08:00

A recent piece that I did for...ah...a special friend... ...Not the best piece of art you'd have seen, but I hammered it out given all the constraints that were binding me. Well, barely...It was inspired, or rather, it IS meant to be a calligraphy border and the words are supposed to be written by the recipient. It's a little cute, but I tried to infuse a sense of elegance in too. Well, a little. Oh, and the funniest part is, not calligraphy pens or ink were used in the process.

It was a normal afternoon. After being insulted by the yong tau foo auntie, I have decided to go to another stall, in another canteen. it was then that it hit me. Why do pple say manly and boyish? Why not manish and boyly?

"Wow! Will you look at him? He's so manish! RReoww! And that one! With the boyly smile!"

I mean there is womanly, girly, girlish...I don't know about womanish, but well...it's just those thoughts that comes and fleets once in a while. Except that they come and dun fleet for me.

Then I was awakened by the stall auntie's voice.

"Order?"

In that instant, I had an impulse to say,

"Knock it down."

However, after having carefully measured the consequences, I decided to go with,

"Ba chor mee."

Then again, considering she scrimped on my mee and ba chor, again, perhaps I really should have said,

"You owe me 20."

I was having a conversation with my mum this afternoon. She had bought and cooked brown rice, after hearing from somewhere that it is healthier. "The leg will be more power," she said. Then recalling something I read in a health magazine(or was it FHM?) back in the army, about brown rice not being much healthier than white rice as it has its pros and cons too, I proceeded to tell her so.

"Icchit? But I spent $7 on this small packet ley."

"Yeah, margarine's not exactly healthier than butter too. And coffee. They say it';; lower the risk of heart attack. But raise the risk of kidney failure or sth like that. So, basically, either way, we're still gonna die. You just get to choose how. So, just choose whatever you like to do best."

It may sound like a joke, but I mean more. All of us are gonna die, one way or another, sooner or later. It doesn't matter how or when you die. What matters is, how you choose to live your life. Having said that, I think money, sex and booze is really not the way to go.

Take a look at ba chor mee. I ordered the auntie to knocked it down and it owed me 180.

Take a look at me. I knocked down the ba chor mee I ordered and owed auntie 180.

Hey! It's absolutechaoss! I gotta live up to the reputation...

2006-04-04T21:05:00.000+08:00

Fine. Duff-LE bag. For someone who claims to dislike army, you sure know a lot about it.

Which brings me to another point:

How is it that we can know so much about things we dislike, and not know a feather about what we like, sometimes? Short-sightedness perhaps?

I entered a hospital today. My friend gave birth to a baby girl. The baby was about 3 hours old. She was in labour for 22 hours. I bought her a huge sunflower.

There were a lot of visitors, and the excitement was infectious. My heart was pounding in my chest. Which is fairly rare for me. But when you gaze at the baby girl, it feels like staring straight at a miracle. And I couldn't look away. It was an overwhelming feeling of...utter amazement and respect for the creator. I don't know how anyone can not believe in a God when you look at the serene shape of the baby sleeping.

The funny thing was that I didn't think that way when my little brother was born. I guess it was just one of those things that I classified as "adult business, none of mine". I suppose there must be some changes to my thinking with the realization that this might happen to me,like a couple of years or a decade down the road...Which isn't really that far...

And I was talking to one of the visitors, a training teacher abt his work. I was told that kids nowadays are pretty bratty. So I went like hmm...

So if kids are bratty, and life sux,direct quotation from many of my friends, then why are my friends so happy about giving birth to a new life? Happy that someone is there to suffer with them? happy that they're gonna raise a kid who's gonna turn her back on them as soon as she can? You'd be crazy if you think so, and I'm already nuts for suggesting it.

They are happy because life does not suck. They are happy because they are hopeful that they have a daughter that can bring more joy into the world than pain. They are happy because of the happiness that their daughter can bring them...happiness that is also derived from the work involved in raising her. They are happy,because they found love in another person, and they found another person to love. So what's there to be so happy about love?

Do you need to know the answer? One doesn't have to know how a car works to enjoy the thrill of driving it. One doesn't have to know how to play soccer to enjoy watching it. One doesn't have to know the programming code for a game to enjoy playing it. Similarly, you don't have to know what's love to enjoy it. The illogic with the logic. One mind and one heart makes a man. Not just the mind.

Which reminds me of a question I've asked many:

What is it that motivates you to get out of bed and embrace each new day besides responsibilities?

I have no doubt that for a long time to come, the baby daughter will be my friend's reason to get out of bed everyday with a smile on his face. Or maybe a frown. But whatever it is, she'll be the crux of his emotions. Love. Love for another human being is a very strong force to get you out of bed. My friend will not be getting out of bed just for the responsibility of raising the baby. he'll get out of bed because he wants to see her smile, see her happy. So in a sense, all our responsibilities, a common reason for getting out of bed, came from love of someone else.

Love is the reason for getting out of bed.

Then I thought about the crux of Christianity. I have always told pple that the core of Christianity is forgiveness. I realise recently that while I wasn't wrong, that was a narrow view of things.

The core of Christianity is love for human beings.

Jesus died for everyone's sins not just because he was gracious. He died for everyone because he loved every single one of us. And while I don't understand it, I think I may be beginning to understand how he feels. And maybe, just maybe, I can learn to love every single other person enough to bring something good into their world.

After seeing the sleeping child, I cannot bear to think about abortion...well, actually any negative thoughts for that matter. It was beautiful, like the sunset by the sea, like the rolling hills and pasture. Like the night sky peppered with sparkling stars around the full moon and as awesome as a solar eclipse. I am convinced the only image that can surpass this is when the baby smiles.

You never notice how beautiful the world is, until you realise how ugly you are.

2006-04-02T12:27:00.000+08:00

Something interesting this way come... ...

Hi all, whoever is left...Just your luck...I'm going to remind you that 3 years ago on this exact date, I left my old life behind and walked towards a new future...with a duffer bag on my back, heh... ...

Just some interesting things I've noted:

1) People who think in much more complex terms, write simpler computer programs, as in the length is shorter and it is easier to understand. People who are simpletons like me write extremely complicated programs.

Complex pple, simple programs. Simple pple, complex programs. The computer is like a converging lens, capable of inverting an object's image.

2) Let's say magicians are pple who create sth out of nothing. Then what we term as magicians are not magicians. And everyone else is. Magicians, as we know them, are merely showing us sth that already exist, just that we did not notice it before (Thought: Does sth that nobody notice or remember exist?), mainly through deft fingers or tricks. Whereas an engineer, a coin manufacturer etc. creates things out of nothing. Sure, you may say the coin's made of nickel and copper and it's always been there. Ah! But not the round shape, nor the prints on it...It takes a magician like the coin manufacturer to do it.The paints and graphite are always there, but takes a wizard like an artist to put in non-existent forms and boundaries...And especially economists. Devised so many solutions to just one problem of scarcity. In a sense though, I guess you can say magicians do create something out of nothing too. Entertainment.

3) I was teaching my mum English.

"It's called 'Her-bal tea'."
"Har-ber? I thought that's the place where ships dock?"
"Er...no. Alternatively, you can call the harbour, 'quay'."
"Key? The one you used to open the door?"

Then she asked for the english word of preservative.
I said, "Preservative."
She said, "Pear-zep-bird-ti."

This is a lovely Sunday morning.